Mattel Toys in the Attic

 

I must say, not even The Sunshine Family from my childhood was as messed up at the Ratliffs!

Seen HERE.

Fisher-Price of Admission

 

I sure hope we didn't make our friends feel bad, because we certainly had "everything good" at my house! 

Allan Lad

And all those years I had my sister's Ken doll hooking up with Big Josh!

Drunks Sold Separately

Might get this for my poor niece, who I found out has started surreptitiously recording my insane family's "conversations" on her iPhone and labeling them with titles like "Grandma's Thanksgiving Meltdown." Look for Ally's sequel to "Wasn't Tomorrow Wonderful?" in about 15 years.

My First 'Cock a Doodle Doo'

I just found these photos of the toy dishes I got for Christmas in the early '70s when we lived on Tawas in Madison Heights. (I had the matching toaster, too.) It's hard to fathom how I could possibly remember what they looked like as I'm nearly certain it was the first Christmas after Dad left, which would make it nearly 44 years ago, 1972. I love that my mom placed no boundaries or gender stereotypes on me when I was a little boy -- I had as many GI Joes and Big Jims as I did Tuesday Taylor and Jody dolls -- and that the Internet was invented so I could relive moments like this. (I've been pretty much reduced to tears thinking about that time.)

Pitching a Tent

The Randy Report wants to know what exactly was going on when Big Jim went camping with his bearded "buddy" Big Josh. All I know is Big Jim and his blond pal (Big Jeff) wore matching red bikini briefs -- and were really into fashion. Make of that what you will. 

Watch HERE.

Snow Days for 'Barb and Rach'

In Weston Ashley's disturbing new 10-episode Web series -- that evokes the result of an unwanted pregnancy of Mr. Bill and Jonathan Caouette's mother in "Tarnation" -- cocaine-loving Barb becomes increasingly dependent on drug-dealing pal Rach, who is going through an identity crisis of her own. Watch HERE.

The Fisher King

The 14 Greatest Fisher-Price Little People Playsets of Your Childhood 

Warning: This post might make you want to eBay one of these playsets.

Kudos to BuzzFeed's Brian Galindo for this spectacular trip down memory lane. His age may have caused him to use the less-fun "Main Street" over the 1970s Play Family Village and the "Jetport" rather than the larger municipal airport. And the Play Family Castle was totally inappropriate for American life, which is why I had to come up with an alternative use.

But he remembered the epic A-Frame, the incredibly detailed Children's Hospital (top) and even dug up the Fisher-Price McDonald's, albeit a pale substitution for my Playskool version. (Where are the trays and shake machine?). I have my own favorites -- including some other suitable Fisher-Price substitutes -- HERE.

Most egregious oversight: The Play Family Houseboat -- just look at those life-preservers and lounge chairs!

Trust me, Petula Clark wasn't singing about "Main Street," although I do like the little market.

Using the Jetport instead of the Play Family Airport is like flying into Islip instead of JFK

 Sure, the Tudor and the A-Frame were better than this tract-housing setup ... 

but neither had a fully functional bathroom!

Play Family Kennedys

  God, what I'd have done to add the Kennedys to my epic Fisher-Price city! 

Lego (Music) Land

A Lego record store would have been a dream come true to me when I was a kid. These days, I think my nephew has heard of Legos ...

'Politically Incorrect Toys' Portfolio

Some hilarious highlights from the Politically Incorrect Toys Portfolio, shot by David Murphey and currently raising money on Kickstarter. (And people think toys promote gender stereotypes now!) See the rest HERE.

I'm wondering if some of these were manufactured by the same good folks who brought us Bag O'Glass.

Feelin' Groovy

Hard to say which I loved more as a kid in the 1970s -- Wacky Packages or my "Snoopy Come Home" Colorforms!

Play Family Memories

Related: The 14 Greatest Fisher-Price Little People Playsets of Your Childhood

Saw this Kentucky Fried Chicken set from the 1970s on a friend's Facebook wall yesterday and was immediately taken back to my childhood, where my brothers and I built an entire city -- Winter Springs, Florida -- using mostly structures created for Play Family People (later renamed "Little People"). Fisher-Price was the gold standard of this type of toy, but many other companies tried to jump on the bandwagon. The trick was knowing which knockoffs were acceptable and which were not. 

Child Guidance made great stuff. They also created the Brunswick Bowling Center -- complete with snack bar, working pins that reset and (drawn-on) pro shop -- which is still at my mom's house today. Yet somehow I never got the company's Kentucky Fried Chicken, which looks fantastic. I'm guessing my parents didn't buy it for me out of loyalty to my stepfather's cousin Kenny, whose wife worked for Colonel Sanders and said he used to come by the corporate office once a year and was a "total asshole." Just seeing it again makes me want to bid for one on eBay, 

I did have the McDonald's, which was made my Playskool. Their "little people" were blockheads -- as we called them -- but the attention to detail in the buildings they made more than made up for it. The McDonald's had a drive-thru window, little trays (with food drawn on them), a shake machine and a "working" cash register.

And the Playskool Holiday Inn, which my brother Terence got one year, was equally great, complete with realistic sign that could be changed from "Vacancies" to "No Vacancies," uniformed maids with carts, a formal restaurant (which my brother Bill converted into the Winners Circle with an El Marko), and a revolving door in the lobby. 

Around the same time, 1974 or so, I also got this beautifully designed apartment building made by Samsonite, the luggage manufacturer. Although it was intended for residential living, my entrepreneurial spirit immediately kicked into overdrive, and I converted it into a luxury hotel dubbed the Corolando (spelling?), a place for the well-to-do guests of Winter Springs to stay instead of a chain motel. I believe my mom and stepfather stayed at a hotel by that name in Orlando on their (inexplicable) Disney World honeymoon, so being a kid in Michigan, anyplace where it was sunny seemed like paradise, hence the inspiration. Although the building had just about everything you could ask for -- including an elevator, a parking garage, modern furniture, balconies and a rooftop pool with privacy fence -- I worked hard to make it more like a hotel, incorporating toothpaste caps as ice buckets and a converted bird house as the lobby and reception area, giving it a certain tiki ambiance. 

Samsonite also made a zoo and a few other things, but my mom always hated zoos, so probably didn't want to encourage us to want to visit one by getting it for us. We each got one -- and only one -- trip to the zoo as kids and that was it. Fortunately, Ling-Ling and Hsing-Hsing were recent additions to the National Zoo in Washington when we made our sole appearance, so at least we got to see celebrity animals. (My 1974-model sister's first bedroom was covered in pandas from wall to wall.) 

One of my other all-time favorite "finds" was this Magnetic-Action Super Market. made by Sears. (Kudos on the hyphen, guys!) 

Although the people were a bit off -- Heaven's Gate bald and with magnets as feet so they could move around the store on a "track" that worked when you turned the yellow crank.

The shopping carts were adorable, as was the cardboard food, checkout counter and working register. 

One thing we did not permit was Weebles, who wobbled but they didn't fall down. Perhaps it was an early sign of my aversion to round people, but they just didn't "go" with Fisher-Price people. And I remember my brothers and me thinking our childhood friends Lisa, Cindy and Eric were so declasse for mixing Weebles in with their other Fisher-Price stuff, while we kept things more authentic. 

 So real, in fact, that Winter Springs even had rival crime families-- the Gurneys and the Raviolis -- and a bad part of town, thanks to my converting my sister's Sesame Street play set into the ghetto. (Naturally, no Muppet characters were allowed in the city unless they were human beings.) 

Lisa, Cindy and Eric may have had those cool streets their dad drew on a giant piece of drywall, and stop lights they borrowed from an expensive train set, but our town still ruled ... although this Weebles haunted house looks awfully fun in retrospect! 

And don't get me started about our friends having a Fisher-Price Castle in the middle of their town as if it were totally normal for there to be royalty living in America. (If you want to talk about titles, the mother of my family was the mayor, iand she maintained a pied-a-terre downtown in case she got caught late at a City Council meeting.) Sure, my brothers and I had the castle, too. (That moat ruled!) But at least we had the good sense to turn ours into a theme restaurant.

The Play Family Village in the 1970s

 My brother Bill writes: 

Has anyone seen the Village recently? It's like all nail salons and cellphone stores.

Some Bobblehead (and Shoulders) to Lie On

   I don't think there's ever been a more accurate bobblehead doll before Debbie Harry of Blondie's. This is exactly how her head moves when she talks in real life! Order HERE.

Memo From the 2012 SAGE Toys Party

Had a great time at Robby Browne's annual Toys Party at Chelsea Piers last night, which raises money (and collects presents) for Services and Advocacy for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Elders (SAGE). Saw a bunch of familiar faces -- including blogger/media pals like Joe Jervis, Mike Signorile and Andy Towle -- plus the latest class of impossibly cute 20-somethings, as well as an old trick or two. (See all the guests in the photo booth HERE!) A post-soiree meal with Chris and Brian in the "gay" section of the Moonstruck Diner capped the night off beautifully -- Christine Quinn was eating there in the "lesbian" section! JoeMyGod as more photos/details HERE.