Be Queerful What You Wish For

I couldn't help but marvel at Dan Savage's response to news that Anheuser-Busch was ending its support of St. Louis Pride -- which was dripping with sarcasm directed at activists who have long derided so-called "pinkwashing" by corporations: 

I don't know if Dan and I think alike on so many things because we're the same age -- or in the same IQ range?(!) But the correct response to corporate support of LGBT events is and will always be this: TAKE YES FOR AN ANSWER! 

Kudos to too-clever-by-half Bluesky user Junkyard Monk for taking the time to queersplain the situation to Dan (and me) -- he's not even getting what people thought was the problem quite right(!) -- confirming my belief that anything short of all corporations liquidating and donating 100 percent of the proceeds to trans women of color, NOTHING would appease these lunatics. (And let's be honest, that wouldn't work either.) I used to refer to them as "well-meaning activists," but after the past few elections I'm not so sure. I, for one, will take victory over sanctimony. 

VIDEO: St. Louis bars boycott Anheuser-Busch after PrideFest cuts

Question: Why should Anheuser-Busch -- or any business -- support Pride events when all they get is trashed by misguided people for being "opportunists" or worse? 

Brazilian Journeyman Joao Lucas Reis Da Silva Comes Out as Gay, a First for Men’s Tennis*

 

The gay internet is abuzz with the news that Joao Lucas Reis Da Silva -- a 24-year-old Brazilian tennis player currently ranked 367 in the world -- has revealed his homosexuality by wishing his boyfriend a happy birthday on Instagram. He's being called the first active male pro player to come out publicly. 

*Today's news is obviously a huge step forward -- the women's game has a number of out players, and only a handful of ATP players have come out even after retirement -- although it would be more newsworthy if he were playing on the ATP level rather than the tiers below it.

What is extremely newsworthy, however, is how hot he and his actor/model boyfriend are, which you can see for yourself BELOW.

Aisle of Lesbos

New York City Council(all)man Erik Bottcher shared this hilarious text today, to which I say: If THIS is what a lesbian looks like, then sign me up! 

Ironically, I happened to have watched two notorious sapphic flicks over the weekend that I've been meaning to mention: First up was the Talia Shire vehicle(!) "Windows" (1980), which was kind of a pre-"Basic Instinct" psycho butch thriller, with Elizabeth Ashley playing the part to a T. 

As much as I understand why the film was panned -- it was even disowned by the director Gordon Willis, who made a name for himself as a cinematographer of "The Godfather" trilogy and many Woody Allen pictures -- for me it was fun to watch 40+ plus years later just to see any type of representation from back in the day. (I'm a bad gay -- I felt the same way about "Cruising," "Partners" and the depiction of Jack Tripper!) 

Of course it helped that Joe Cortese, as the cop on the case, was awfully easy on the eyes. 

He has a cute son with ex-wife Kim Delaney, both seen here with the Bidens 

Then I watched "Personal Best," a movie I feel like I've seen but never actually watched from beginning to end. My déjà vu may have been the result of deep-seated memories of Siskel and Ebert's review of it in 1982, discussing "homosexuals" as if they were legitimate people. (I was completely mesmerized -- that was something I really needed to hear in JUNIOR HIGH -- yet felt I had to be on the lookout that no one even saw me watching the review as I was sure that alone would "out" me.) On the original PBS incarnation of the show, Siskel and Ebert practically showed the entire movie, to which they both an enthusiastic "yes" in the pre-"thumbs up"/"thumbs down" days of "Sneak Previews."

Kudos to writer/director Robert Towne, whose script doesn't even seem dated now -- the relationship was handled very matter-of-factly and was every bit as tedious as all real-life lesbian relationship I've encountered since! -- even if I could see why gay audiences might have been disappointed with the (inevitable) outcome. 

Hard to believe that Mariel Hemingway's real-life jock co-star -- Patrice Donnelly, who is sort of a more masculine version of Ralph Macchio -- isn't a lesbian in real life. And say what you will about advances in fitness and better styling, boy was that the heyday for hunks, as displayed throughout the film! 

Pleased to check both of these off my list of Films I Should Have Already Seen. 

(Correction: Mariel's character's randomly being half Native American didn't exactly age well, but at least it wasn't a dated reference about The Gays!) 

Voir (Oh) Dire

 

We finished HBO's "Last Call" about the serial killer targeting gay men in NYC in the early 1990s last night and I highly recommend it. (It's based on Elon Green's book of the same name.)  Despite the brutal murders and dismemberments of our gay brothers, somehow this question posed during jury selection made me even more sick to my stomach. 

What are you personal views of homosexuality and consensual homosexuality?

1. Live and let live

2. Disapprove

3. It is an illness

4. It is a sin

5. It should be illegal

6. AIDS is God's punishment for such activity 

I only hope that younger people can appreciate how dehumanizing it is that the best we older types could hope for in a court of law in the United States of America -- and we were lucky that the prosecutors thought to ask -- is "live and let live" when asked what people's "personal views" of homosexuality were. 

See also: Jones, Jenny murder

Queer and Present Danger

We watched the first episode ("Peter and Thomas") of HBO's "Last Call: When a Serial Killer Stalked Queer New York." (First episode was gripping. So moving to hear from the daughter of one of the earliest victims.) As you may recall, I rolled my eyes when I saw they'd used "queer" in the title (mimicking the book on which it’s based) when the story was explicitly about the murder of gay men back in the 1990s. With that in mind, I couldn't help but laugh when they showed a clip from a contemporaneous class for police officers on how to deal with the gay community with sensitivity, featuring a chalkboard of words NOT to use. Note the upper left above pajaro!  

Don't let the black & white fool ya -- this was in the 1990s.

Let Me Make This Perfectly Queer

So Damian and I had a lovely pre-birthday dinner with our British friend Tim last night at New York's remaining gay restaurant (Elmo), where our cute young waiter announced he liked Tim's shirt. Tim said said thank you, to which the server replied: "Is that a gamer?" Tim politely hid the table's collective horror and replied: "No, it's Keith Haring. He was an artist who was known for painting these little dancing figures" (pointing at the shirt). "Oh, nice," Mr. I Fill Out My Shorts replied with a smile and zero recognition, as he walked away. We all decided to cut the kid some slack, figuring everyone has to start/learn somewhere -- “even about gay icons,” Damian said. Tim quickly corrected him, noting that Haring is a queer icon. 

Meanwhile, how soon before The Advocate just rechristens her Martina Queeratilova? 

And across the pond, my friend Allen posted this. Hard to believe the shoppe hasn't been renamed Queer's the Word yet. 

Red Screen of Death

Waking up to the news that a Pride flag had been burned to the ground outside a city hall in Arizona wasn't great. But given the political climate in my former home state, I just assumed it was in some hick town that had tried to show some inclusivity and paid for it. So to then learn this hateful incident was in Tempe, home of the nation’s sixth-largest university (my alma mater) -- a college town of sorts filled with young people where tolerance and LGBT acceptance are supposed to be the strongest -- was beyond disturbing. The FBI is also investigating a bomb threat made to an LGBT-owned coffee shop nearby, according to the shop's owner, smack dab in the middle of an area where I felt perfectly safe being a queeny new wave geek back in the 1980s.

I don't know what's going to have to happen for this country to reset itself. But I don't have a lot of faith that it will return to how it was, say, in 2015 or so, which looking back seems to have been the high-water mark in LGBT history. God help us all.

Queer Bait

In my ongoing attempts to figure out what "queer" means, I found this from the good people at Planned Parenthood, whose voice I respect: 

    Queer is sometimes used to express that sexuality and gender can be complicated ...

I for one think sexuality is only as “complicated” as someone wants it to be. Ditto for the unrelated gender. (God help those who have been so brainwashed by gender stereotypes as to believe you must “feel” a certain stereotypical way in order to be either male or female or else you are neither or both. Don’t worry, they is still loved.) 

But the most salient part of this write-up is this:

    Don't call someone "queer" unless you know they're cool with it. The best thing to do is ask what labels people prefer.

Still, I'm amazed by how many people use the term without batting an eye -- often the same people who themselves ask to be identified in precise ways. 

Some are even going so far as trying to retrofit the past with partisan terms from today, like the curator at the Andy Warhol Museum in Pittsburgh who kept referring to the Pop legend as a "queer" artist and the British outfit that insists on calling the late proudly gay artist David Robilliard "queer." Do Andy and David have any say in this? And did you get a load of the Buzzfeed reporter in the Brooke Shields documentary referring to the "sex workers" in the film "Pretty Baby"?! I'm not convinced that the woman on whose life it was based -- recounted in "Storyville, New Orleans: Being an Authentic Illustrated Account of the Notorious Red-Light District" -- necessarily thinks being called a "sex worker" is preferable to prostitute. Which is to say nothing about posthumous "transgender" icon Marsha P. Johnson, who while living specifically distinguished herself as being a "transvestite" or "drag queen" rather than a "transsexual" -- the precursor to transgender -- and lived as "Malcolm" much of the time. (Do Marsha and Malcolm get a say?) 

Let me go on the record here by saying that if someone in my family writes in my obit that I was a "queer blogger" they'd better hope ghosts aren't real! 

LGBT -- or whichever variation you like -- works just fine, thank you, and doesn’t alienate people (gay or otherwise). We finally achieved the acceptance we have always deserved, there’s no reason to not take yes for an answer. 

UPDATE: Just received this gem in my inbox:

If anyone knows what a queer Mother’s Day concert is please contact me. Thanks. 

LGB Without T?

 

I'm not saying I'm on board with the so-called LGB Without the T sentiment that is currently trending on Twitter. But as someone who has edited a lot of business copy, I've learned that many companies that become too bloated do indeed blossom when they split in two, allowing them become more focused and better-equipped when they specialize in what they're doing. 

Of course, this will never go anywhere because it's mainly fueled by strange (read: ugly, name-calling) bedfellows I don't want anything to do with: No, the trans community is not "sexualizing children," "mutilating minors" or "betraying the gay community." 

Read why a transgender power-lifter wasn't too happy when a self-identified woman went up against her in Alberta HERE. 

But sexuality and gender identity are two entirely different things. And biology is real, which is why I find it baldly disingenuous that so many smart people who beg everyone to "believe in science" seem to say otherwise here. Ultimately, though, being a gay man or lesbian woman has nothing to do with people who are neither genders (or both) and/or people who desperately need medical intervention to be their authentic selves. So it's unfortunate that we can't get gender-diverse people the specialized medical and political allies they need, stat. 

L.A. LGBT Center CEO: 'You're Here. You're QUEER. Get Used to It'

Well that didn't take long. Less than 24 hours after posing the metaphysical question about what a dead gay man might think about being posthumously identified as "queer" did I get an answer for my alive and kicking self.

Joe Hollendoner, CEO of the Los Angeles LGBT Center -- which happens to be the largest facility in the world providing services to LGBT people -- had this to say in part about elected officials in the city of Huntington Beach, Calif., barring the Pride flag from flying over City Council during Pride month:

“The Greater Los Angeles area is for everyone and yet Huntington Beach officials landed on a cliche and reductive approach to making headlines: marginalizing queer Californians … sending us a clear message of hate and shamelessly putting young, queer lives at stake. Huntington Beach’s officials are taking a cue from the political playbooks of extremist politicians across the country -- using their hatred of queer and trans people as launching pads for their careers. …”

Hollendoner is correct that what HB is doing is abhorrent. But some 33 years on since the formation of Queer Nation, I have yet to figure out how using the term "queer" to represent all LGBT individuals -- a tired and forced attempt at provocation -- does anything but alienate people outside and INSIDE our community.

Keep reading BELOW.

When Joan Rivers Was a 'Dick' to Some NYC Gender Benders

While I'm sure Joan Rivers wouldn't be receiving any GLAAD Media Awards in 2023 for asking men who perform as women if they still have their penises, I think it's easy to forget how subversive her syndicated daytime(!) talk show was at times back in the day. From 1989 to 1993, Mrs. Rosenberg featured numerous LGBT notables, everyone from Michael Alig, his Club Kid friends and Martina Navratilova to Lily Tomlin, Tab Hunter and the children of Billy Tipton.

Perhaps the finest moment was when she did a show about "Men Who Became Superstars as Women," featuring a fashion show with gender benders Joey Arias, Miss Guy and Paris emceed by Lady Bunny, as well as performances by Lypsinka and RuPaul and a hilarious interview with Holly Woodlawn, there promoting her memoir, "A Low Life in High Heels." 

Although it was a hoot hearing Holly discuss how Madonna wanted to adapt her book into a film -- and play fellow Warhol trans-Superstar Candy Darling -- the high point of it all had to be when Miss Guy (of Toilet Boys fame) responded to Joan's unseemly question by asking her if she has hers. (Michael Musto wrote it up, above.)

Joan was adorable throughout the show and truly seemed to have affection for her guests. But that moment, the genesis of which Miss Guy explains above, was a rare time that even Joan wasn't sure what had just slapped her in the face!

Bathhouse Kenny

This advertisement for the Continental Baths has been making the rounds on gay social media lately, for obvious reasons. Although the bathhouse heyday was before my time, of course I know about the legendary den of iniquity, where Bette Midler accompanied by Barry Manilow honed their show(wo)manship skills. What was new(s) to me is that the performances were actually open to the general public -- which makes sense (all these later-famous people weren't just performing for men in towels) and no sense (who wants to be gawked at by married couples when you're trying to get laid?), in retrospect -- and that the venue was located a stone's throw from my newish apartment -- and that it later became a sex club for ... straights. (ICK!) 

Andy Humm, journalist, activist and co-host of "Gay USA," writes:

By the time I got there in the mid-1970s I don't remember any cabaret acts. I believe my friend Allen Roskoff took Bella Abzug there to campaign back then. I don't remember it as the cleanest of venues and within a few years it was turned into a joint for non-gay swingers: Plato's Retreat. I walked by the Ansonia the other day and there is no trace of these storied clubs. There ought to be a plaque up outside.

Keep reading BELOW.

'Uncoupled' Gets Picked Up by Showtime After Netflix Snub

 

This "Looking" memory (below) popped up on my Facebook page today seconds after seeing this infuriating post about Neil Patrick Harris’s Netflix show. (“Was ‘Uncoupled’ worth saving?”)

 It's bad enough that LGBT people continue to be marginalized in every conceivable way, but why is one of our own sites writing something so ill-conceived? Was "Two and a Half Men" a perfect show? "Friends"? “The Big Bang Theory”? (I could go on for hours.) They were all flawed yet ran for ages because general audiences dwelled on what they liked about them. 

I loved "Looking" as I watched so many gay men rip it to shreds -- and I continue to long for shows about gay people. And I enjoyed "Uncoupled' and am curious about what happens next with its protagonist. It makes me furious that we're not allowed to have shows about ourselves but that on the rare occasion when we get one, our own community holds them to a much higher standard than everything else out there. What is wrong with people?

When you're "Looking" for perfection, you're bound to be disappointed. 

A Fond Farewell to Charles Silverstein

Nice to see that both the New York Times and Washington Post had in-depth obituaries for Charles Silverstein, giving much-deserved recognition to the man who helped declassify homosexuality as a mental disorder some 50 years ago. (The first six years of my life were humiliating knowing what the medical community was saying about me!) While the vote by the American Psychiatric Association was indeed "the single most important event in the history of gay liberation after the Stonewall riots,” it was Silverstein's book -- cowritten with Edmund White -- on how to be a homo that had a more practical effect in my day-to-day life(style!).

I'll never forget stumbling upon a used copy of "The Joy of Gay Sex: An Intimate Guide for Gay Men to the Pleasures of the Gay Lifestyle" at Changing Hands Bookstore (the original location on Mill Avenue) near the campus of Arizona State University, almost afraid to bring it to the cash register. Once home, this 20-year-old virgin spent hours upon hours reading up and looking at the erotic drawings, learning about "tops" and "bottoms," "rough trade" and "cruising," and "blowjobs" and frottage," and more. It was like making up for a lifetime of heterosexual indoctrination.

In his memoir, Silverstein wrote that they wanted the book to "have a wider focus than just sex, that it should also advise the reader about life in the gay community and the majority of passages in the finished book were of a nonsexual nature."

Read HERE.

Worth noting, as The Washington Post writes, that the medical community didn't exactly come around on homosexuality in 1973.

“Psychoanalysts believed that gay men were doomed to lives of depression and, eventually, suicide because of their shame,” Dr. Silverstein later told the Windy City Times, a Chicago-based LGBT publication. “I argued that these men were not ashamed because they were homosexual but because of what these therapists were telling them.”

Ten months later, in December 1973, the APA voted to remove homosexuality from the official list of mental disorders. The association issued a statement declaring that the decision was “not to say that homosexuality is ‘normal,’ or that it is as desirable as heterosexuality.” But among supporters of gay rights, the vote was regarded as a landmark victory.

Read HERE.

The obituaries flesh out his career, as an activist, psychologist and author, and his personal life, where we learn his first partner died of AIDS at the height of the pandemic and a subsequent marriage ended in divorce.

And it's always nice to put a face to a name. I'd always assumed Charles Silverstein was a trans woman of color, so was surprised to learn he was just a garden-variety cis gay white man. 😜

Gay Bar Fly

I'm excited that Damian bought me Jeremy Atherton Lin's "Gay Bar: Why We Went Out," although I haven't started it yet. (Coincidentally, I see it's also Dr. Eric Cervini's current Book Club selection.)

As gay bars continue to close at an alarming rate, "Gay Bar" looks back to find out what’s being lost in this indispensable, intimate, and stylish celebration of queer history. 

Strobing lights and dark rooms; throbbing house and drag queens on counters; first kisses, last call: the gay bar has long been a place of solidarity and sexual expression—whatever your scene, whoever you’re seeking. But in urban centers around the world, they are closing, a cultural demolition that has Jeremy Atherton Lin wondering: What was the gay bar? How have they shaped him? And could this spell the end of gay identity as we know it?

I rarely go out these days -- I'm 55 and married -- but cannot imagine what my younger days would have been like without bars, where I lived to watch videos, dance and hear new music, and met several of my closest friends. 

Curious to see how many of my old haunts (some open, some long closed) got a mention, including but not limited to:

The Connection (Phoenix)

Preston's (Phoenix) 

Wink's Cabaret (Phoenix)

Nu Towne Saloon (Phoenix)

Hotbod's Desert Dance Palace (Phoenix) 

Label this a near-miss. When I was a junior in high school I briefly worked at the Salad Bar location in Mesa, where much to my sheltered surprise the staff all did drugs and invited me to go dancing at Hotbod's Desert Dance Palace (aka Hotbods), which I later learned was the Valley's answer to Studio 54! (I stupidly declined, in horror, but in my defense I was 16 or 17.) 

PHOENIX: The Connection, Al E. Gators, Taylor's, Wink's, BS West, Nu Towne Saloon, Preston's, Brazil, Charlie's.

Rage (West Hollywood)

The Spike (West Hollywood)

Arena (Los Angeles)

Boom Boom Room (Laguna Beach)

L.A./LONG BEACH/ORANGE COUNTY: Rage, Revolver, Micky's, The Abbey, Studio One, Arena, Motherlode, Numbers, Fubar, the Spike, Gold Coast, Ripples, the Silver Fox, Mineshaft, Oz, the Boom Boom Room, Lion's Den, Frat House, Newport Station.

JR's (Washington, D.C.) 

WASHINGTON, D.C.: JR's, Trumpets, Badlands, Cobalt, Lost and Found, Tracks.

Uncle Charlie's (West Village) 

XL (Chelsea) 

Champs (Chelsea)

NEW YORK CITY: Splash, G, Roxy, Hell, Uncle Charlie's, the Works, XL, Champs, XES, King, Pyramid Club, the Lure, Eagle, Rawhide, Julius's, Beige, Boiler Room, the Break et al. 

What were your earliest and go-to bars when you were coming out?