Extreme Makeover

Get ready, Lifetime. And if Heather Locklear's agent reads my blog then he might wanna sit down for this one. Vanity Fair has an explosive new article about the Brooklyn mother of a convicted murderer who went undercover as a flirty new girl in town to try to find out if one of the jurors in her son's tabloid-sensation murder case would reveal anything that might warrant a new trial for her boy -- and the scheme only Lucy Ricardo could approve of just may have worked.

And as if Doreen Quinn Giuliano's outrageous sting operation weren't story enough, this 46-year-old mother and wife is a former clown(!) whose 4-year-old daughter died tragically of cerebral palsy, whose brother was murdered outside a Brooklyn bar in 1980 and whose killer son is a hunky kid who has appeared in the films "Spider-Man," "School of Rock," and "Sleepers", and on TV’s "Ed" and "Law & Order" (are you thinking Robert Buckley, too?). The son's victim, Mark Fisher, is an even hunkier half-Colombian New Jersey kid (Mario Lopez, maybe?).

According to Vanity Fair, Doreen spent months doing surveillance on 31-year-old juror Jason Allo, aka Target, who raised suspicions when Doreen's brother overheard him talking about wanting a "blunt" on a lunch break during the murder trial. After spending big bucks on tape recorders and other surveillance equipment, Doreen then decided she had to get closer and decided using her feminine wiles was the way to go. In order to avoid being recognized from the courtroom or from her days tracking him -- oh, and to have any wiles -- she decided she needed to transform her Mom-like appearance. She started tanning. She joined a gym. And she rode her bicycle everywhere she went. And she bought a new wardrobe. “Sexy clothes only,” she says. Short-shorts, tight blouses, push-up bras. She dyed her hair gilded blond. (Is 46 is the new 30?)

The fascinating article is HERE, but what I loved most was that through it all Allo -- whom the married Doreen was willing to do ANYTHING with in order to get information about the deliberations, despite finding him "shallow" and wanting to kill him for convicting her son of a murder she is convinced he didn't commit -- kept reminding her that he ONLY WANTED to be friends. Sure, Doreen's no beauty queen, but has Allo, below, looked in the mirror later? He did, however, love her home-cooking and free drugs and alcohol. Go figure ...