If you're on Facebook, then sooner or later it happens to everyone. An old friend or family member comes on-board whose politics or other viewpoints don't exactly mesh with your own. Sometimes it's not a big deal -- you ignore his praise of Jan Brewer, he ignores your desire for human decency -- but every so often things get ugly, with people who (usually) barely know each other ripping each other apart. Still, I found it rather peculiar this week when I got the following response to a "friend request" I'd inadvertently sent via the "friend finder" to a cousin of mine I've only met once or twice and haven't seen since the early '90s when we were both living in Los Angeles and I visited him and his Mexican* wife who was pregnant with twins:
As you now know, I confirmed you as friend. However, I have found it prudent to let people know (or warn) about my FB page and postings. I am a "Ronald Reagan" conservative and post thoughts and links reflecting my opinions (I also post sports-related topics, interesting historical matters, and things I find humorous). Unfortunately, several friends from high school and previous places of employment apparently did not know I am a conservative and once they saw my FB page they ceased all contacts with me. If you ever have a difference of opinion on anything I post I have no problem with you letting me know and setting forth your position.
Couldn't help but wonder if any of you have ever seen -- or done -- something like this before. Although I'm guessing this is a "cut-and-paste" message he has for all friend requests rather than something he'd written especially for me, I still found it rather curious. Although I don't question his preemptive good intentions, I'm not sure how surprised anyone in our family could possibly be about his views given the fact that his mom talks endlessly about the "wonderful" John Birch Society every time you see her.
More than anything, it reminded me how much I agree with my brother who was telling me recently how tired he is of people who claim they want to "debate" politics:
"Where we disagree nothing I say would change his mind, and I'm reasonably certain he wouldn't bring me over to his point of view."
* Let's try to guess where he stands on immigration reform in the post- Immigration Reform and Control Act of 1986 world.
Friday, September 10, 2010
Politics Aside
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8 comments:
i've been unfriended at least twice because of things I've posted on fb that weren't in line with the political views of some friends. If people say things I don't necessarily agree with (depending on how much I believe the comments are racist or homophobic or just contrarian) I usually either unfriend them or hide their updates.
Having gone to school in the South, I'm Facebook friends with many White, Suburban, Heterosexual professionals. I try not to engage in political debate unless I see something that absolutely deserves to be responded to. I don't think being a conservative/Republican and buying into Fox News or GOP talking points makes you a bad person. I see it more as them being products of their environment. They are mostly upper-middle class suburban kids who were smart enough to go to a great school and have cycled back to being white suburban parents raising the next generation of the same.
I've had a few encounters like this. I had known 1 person since 4th grade and he'd always been a "conspiracy guy". Now he can't trust the MSM, the President, or this and that. We get into short sparring matches but a lot of the time let it go. I found a close friend from college, later on and saw John Boehner under his "Likes" and decided to pass on contacting him. I guess tanned boozers from Ohio or my deal breakers.
I accepted a friend request from someone I went to high school with in the deep south. He still lives there. Among his pictures was a prom-like picture of him in formal wear with his teenage daughter in a strapless gown, posed in front of a backdrop of confederate flags. I guess it was some sort of white supremacist purity ball. Freaky. I de-friended him.
I've learned on Facebook, that if you post something provocative, expect that provocation to be met in kind. And when someone else posts something provocative, they'd better be ready for my response.
So far, I don't believe anybody has "unfriended" me. But I do have a couple of former classmates who are very Jesus-y (one is a minister), and that has presented some challenges. The minister has recently changed his profile picture to represent an Iowa organization that wants to revoke same-sex marriage there. Oh, I was provoked! And said so. So far, silence.
I do have a message in my profile about being same-sex-married, just to simplify, and not have to come out to each newly "friended" person. Oddly, a large majority of my friends--from all walks of life--seem to be accepting and liberal, if they express any politics at all.
I have some family members who are "Right Wing Religious Nut-jobs", who constantly praise Jeebus for their successes and pray for aid with their woes, as well as posting other political nonsense. I didn't go so far as to unfriend them... I just hid their posts. That way I don't have to read it and raise my blood pressure.
I went to a conservative bible college. Once I got on FB, people came out of the woodworks with friend requests. Some, I just didn't accept. Others, I wrote back and told them up front that while I'm still the person you knew, a lot about me is different, including the fact that I'm gay. Most had found me due to my music and figured it out. The last thing I did was make all of my pages public for non-friends to see. That way, they can see what they want BEFORE sending me a friend request. I've hidden posts from a few people who tend to irritate me, but most of those are folks playing Farmville or the Mafia games.
I decided to hide rather than unfriend, because unfriending with people who are angry and radicalized will feed into their belief that they are being silenced or persecuted. Many professed Christians that I know will go on at length about how they are persecuted and their rights are being stripped away; being unfriended on FB is a big validation for them.
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