Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Snap Judgment

So I'm at the gym running when this repeat offender on the stairmaster across from me starts making a spectacle of himself chewing his gum with his mouth open, blowing bubbles and repeatedly cracking and popping it so loudly that I can hear it over my iPod. My blood, naturally, is boiling, when suddenly he finishes and gets off his machine and seems to disappear. Just as I'm cooling down -- with a mere 10 minutes left to go -- he suddenly jumps on the treadmill directly next to mine and begins his aural (oral?) assault on me again. I glare at him but he's running and just keeps cracking away.

Finally, I finish and stop my machine and give him one more good look. At that exact moment he blows a huge bubble and pops it once again -- at which point I -- much to his surprise -- practically lunged for his machine and hit the big red emergency STOP button -- bringing him to a screeching halt -- and screamed, 'STOP POPPING YOUR GUM, ASSHOLE!!!!"

Now before I go any further with this story let me say that for whatever sins I may have committed I'm sure he's getting way more mileage out of this incident than I am. ("You should have seen the nutjob who accosted me at the gym today!") Truth be told, I think I showed great restraint.

And before you tell me I could have "asked him nicely" I just want to say, "Why should I have to?" Does this idiot really think I want anything to do with him? I find it utterly infuriating when grown adults (this guy is 50, at least) put ME in a position to have to be their parents. Just treat your fellow man with consideration and we can all get along fine. When I managed a news desk for six years I NEVER had to tell my employees what not to do. I treated them with enough respect that they would be too embarrassed to have to explain why they were, say, repeatedly late, or not getting their work done or taking more than an hour for lunch. It was an unspoken thing. It just never ceases to amaze me how some people think the world revolves around them (coming to a screeching halt on a busy-moving sidewalk is my other favorite) and no one else matters.

I'll admit it. I have little to no patience for, well, anything. But that's no excuse for other people to be selfish and rude. Getting motivated to go to the gym is hard enough without this third grade behavior.

NOTE TO THE BUBBLE-GUM GYM BUNNY: YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY PERSON IN THE WORLD!

32 comments:

Anonymous said...

I love, love, love that you did that! I have had that same experience, but instead just steamed in silence.

Anonymous said...

You're totally my hero. I SO sick of morons at the gym. (Well, anywhere, really.)

The cretin on the elliptical machine next to me today was singing along with his (CD) of Christian rock.

"Hosanna this" and "Oh Lord" that. I wanted to smite him.

Joey said...

(hmmm.....Irish temper......?) When one gets aggravated by an idiot at the gym, one should try to turn it to his advantage. Keep it squelched until you use the anger to lift that added-on 50 pounds or hit that bag even harder. It took me a while to learn that's best.

Anonymous said...

Wow... tense! :) Have you seen "Southland Tales"? There's a great line in it: " There'd be a lot less violence in the world if everyone just did a bit more cardio." Not sure now if that's so true... ha3! :))

Toddy said...

you get him, girl!

Anonymous said...

Man, you are my hero!

There are some regulars at my gym who feel they just have to sing along with their Ipod or talk on their cellphones, which are banned by club rules, but which doesn't stop the really determined or stupid ones.

So far, I've only given the stare of death and gone up to staff members to let them tell the patron to knock off whatever they are doing, but this gives me the incentive to try your tactics!

Bravo!

Anonymous said...

Sounds like someone had too much coffee today.

Anonymous said...

YOU ARE MY HERO!!!

There are so many times that I want to smack people on the machines around me, but have never had the nerve to do anything other than the 'glare'.

Anonymous said...

I am TOTALLY with you! This, among many other daily challenges, drives me NUTZ!

S said...

Sounds like something I would've written.

jer said...

you're my hero

forest said...

So how did he respond?

Anonymous said...

Please tell us how he responded.

I have a horrible temper. Everyone thinks I'm really meek and mild, but when you push me to the point where I am pissed off ... you better watch it.

This guy is an idiot, that is how you should have responded to him.

Kenneth M. Walsh said...

He looked stunned and didn't say anything. But I said it as I was leaving, so it was kind of hit and run.

Anonymous said...

no offense but yes its annoying what he did, but in same respect your pretty arrogant in what you did as well. plus did it need the asshole part. no it didnt. its like annoying kids at church, you dont yell at them. you simple ignore it. its not worth the effort and yes you might have felt good, but you probably also came across as crazy. it was gum..relax.

A said...

Kenneth,

Wow...I was sort of thinking about the inappropriate annoyance of gum chewing by one of my students on Monday in discussion section. My kid, though, was not audibly popping.

Your story made me think of the musical Chicago. Cell Block Tango, much? At least you didn't fire the two warning shots...

Kenneth M. Walsh said...

>>high_rhapsody wrote: its like annoying kids at church, you dont yell at them. you simple ignore it.<<

But that's just it. It's NOT like annoying children at church. They're children and will learn to behave when they get older. This is a GROWN MAN who (of course) knows better but chooses to put himself above all others. That's arrogance, my friend.

Anonymous said...

HaHa...God, the Cell Block Tango! I love that number! But damn, two shotgun blasts to the head is quite a "warning." He had it comin', indeed.

Keep up the good work, Kenneth!

Anonymous said...

I feel your pain! It's amazing that some people don't demostrate any common courtesy at the gym!! I hate those you think its okay to come to the gym and chat on their cell phone! I don't want to hear your conversation! There is a older guy at my gym that taps his hands on the machines to the music his is listening.

Wish I had seen your drama unfold - to cheer you on!!!!!

Unknown said...

Oh yeah... Thanks for that inspiring story! I have a similar experiences, but not to the point of screaming "STOP THAT!!!" You got great, huge, big, shiny balls, man! Now I'll know what to do! (Don't care If I get banned!)

Timmy said...

You're my hero and no you're not arrogant (as one of your readers stated). There are some things that kids do at church that can't be ignored and I dealt with it one day. I don't go to church to be irritated. If they don't learn a lesson at a young age, they'll end up being 50 yo chewing gum on a treadmill.

Here's what happened to me:

http://str8upwithatwist.blogspot.com/2007/10/everybody-run.html

Rodrigo said...

I deal with inappropriate gum chewing on (almost) a daily basis.

My friend Nadia calls it "the Puerto Rican chew". It's a loud muffled pop as the bubbles burst inside your partially open mouth.

I have asked my co-workers to refrain from doing it but I have lost this battle. I just put on my headphones and turn up my music.

Any suggestions on how to make them stop? Obviously asking politely has not worked.

Anonymous said...

My horrible gym story: At my gym which will remain nameless (rhymes with Dolly Parton!) some hot tranny mess is always on the stairmaster next to the bike I like to use. CONSTANTLY running her mouth non-stop, I mean literally... the girl NEVER has a thought come into her head that does not find voice. She's got a bevvy of gymbunnies to chat to all the time. And form?? Puh-lease! She's bent over at the waist on the stairmaster hanging over the handrail yak-yaking to folks who walk by, are on the next machine, across the room, don't know her at all -- anyone! (Has anyone plotted the vin diagram of MTF Transexualism and Narcissitic Personality Disorder??? Hmmmm.)

Anyhoo, I just turn up my Ipod and try to ignore her. Of course, this was unacceptable since this poor girl doesn't exist if not being noticed. What did she do? Well, I get a whiff of some of the cheapest cigar store vanilla fragrance I've evah smelled, and involuntarily retch. Then I realize she's covering her sweaty self in some cheap aroma therapy crap. If you try to block her visually and auditorally, bitch will get your attention olfactorily! Now THAT is a demand for attention that any narcissist can be proud of.

My solution, I hopped off the bike and headed across the gym to a treadmill. Result: I'm really enjoying a new elliptical phase of my cardio! And I got to use 'hot tranny mess' in a blog comment! Life is good....

Unknown said...

you know that sign in the locker room "NO CELL PHONES".well I go to Equinox...and to complain to the management that a person is at a meeting next to me on the phone, is an absolute waste of time...but that is a very temporary scenario cause I run out of there to the showers...and down here the locker room is so small that if someone is 2-3 rows over ,you're listening to that shit..but CUDOS to you Kenneth on calling out this asshole...AND chewing gum is the worse thing to do for your stomach...it churns up all the juices of your body thinking it's getting FOOD when it's not getting anything...so the acids start flowing etc

Marc Lallanilla said...

If more people had an "Irish temper" like you and I apparently do, there might be a lot less stupid behavior in this world. The asshole deserved what he got, and more. Erin go bragh!

Steve Reed said...

My question is, who chews gum and blows bubbles while RUNNING? Seems like he might inhale it!

Anonymous said...

Did you ever know that you're my hero? There's a woman at my gym who pops her gum on the treadmill, too - I usually fantasize about throwing my dirty sweaty towel in her face, but now I have an Option B!

Anonymous said...

Great post Kenneth!

At the Equinox here in Santa Monica there are "No Cell Phone" signs all over the gym. The other day a young woman next to me on the treadmill was yacking away about nothing on her cell phone. She was oblivious to the grunts and sighs from me and the guy on the other side of her. Finally, as the other guy gets off he gets her attention and points to the "No Cell Phone" sign which is posted right in front of her. She flips him off and tells him to mind his own business and then continues to chastize him to the other person on the phone.

There really is no excuse for such rudeness. I think your experience is indicative of a bigger problem with American society - entitlement. People believe they are entitled to do as they please. They also fail to be accountable for their actions.

Anonymous said...

Why should you have asked him nicely? Because by stopping his machine and yelling at him, you became just as much of an asshole as he. You don't know what was in his mind, what he was going through that day.

"It just never ceases to amaze me how some people think the world revolves around them...and no one else matters."

Pot calling kettle black.

phed49 said...

I'm absolutely dumbfounded by this story...and wondering how many people at the gym I annoy with my gum-chewing. I suffer from dry mouth and find it very difficult to exercise *without* chewing gym. (No, sipping water or Gatorade doesn't do it.) No one's ever said anything nor lunged at my treadmill. Several other guys chew gum - and crack it and pop bubbles - but I've never overheard any comments about it. My first thought was that you overreacted, but the vast majority of commenters agree with you, so I'll just make sure my chewing is under the radar.

blooter said...

Urgh.

I don't know who's the bigger idiot. You or those who respond with "You're my hero!!!!!111".

Kenneth M. Walsh said...

YEAH! You tell us, Blooter!