Page 1 Consider (12/17)

Confessions of a Pretty Lady: The hilarious and gorgeous Chelsea Handler reveals to The Times Magazine who her hero is, where she finds her inspiration and how Judaism chose her over Mormonism, by way of her big sis. (Mag)

I'm the One That I Want: Nick Denton has finally found someone who has all the qualities he's looking for to fill the top post over at his flagship site, Gawker.com: himself. (NYT)

Beach Boys: A karate-loving reader sent me this photo of the Italian champion karate team relaxing at the beach in typical Euro style. That's World Champion Kata winner Luca Valdesi in the light blue, although I'd say it's the guy on the right who has the "world champion" bod. (Thanks, Anthony!) (LV)

And the Winner Is ... Carpal Tunnel Syndrome: The list-obsessed gays over at AfterElton offer up their 2007 Visibility Awards. It seems they're equally "page-view obsessed": get ready for TWELVE clicks to be able to read ONE list! (AE)

Crazy Eyes: Jonathan Rhys Meyers is possessed. (PageSix)

Anchors Gone Wild: A nutty Philly anchorwoman -- who once e-mailed sexy swimsuit pics to a married NFL Network talking head -- went berserk early Sunday morning in Chelsea, jumping out of a taxi cab and calling a female cop a "dyke bitch" and slugging her in the face for driving too slow. The Emmy-award winning Alycia Lane -- who is (big surprise) a Long Island -- has been charged with felony assault. (NYP)

Everything Happens for a 'Reason' (Which Is?): The leader of a megachurch where a gunman opened fire a week earlier, killing two teenage sisters and wounding three other people, and Ted Haggard worked his god-like gaydom on millions, said Sunday that the congregation's trials of the past couple of years were nothing more than tests. You know how God is: he's got a plan. (AP)

Not Tonight, Dear: For all you Helen Ropers out there, a new survey lists the top reasons why your guy just isn't in the mood. (NYP)

Bigger Love: Being married to one man is usually more than enough for most. Eunice Lopez was married to 10! (AP)

Jesus F**king Christ: No sooner did Christian poster boy Andy Pettitte, the bible-thumping author of "Strike Zone: Targeting a Life of Integrity and Purity" ("no drugs" and "no premarital sex," kiddies), get exposed as being a hypocrite and yet another baseball cheater, now he's taken to the media wanting credit for being willing to use HGH in an attempt to recover more quickly for his team and offering the biggest "non-apology" I've ever heard: "I had heard that human growth hormone could promote faster healing for my elbow. I felt an obligation to get back to my team as soon as possible," adding: "If what I did was an error in judgment on my part, I apologize. I accept responsibility for those two days." First of all, we're supposed to take a known liar's word that he "did it twice." More disgraceful, though, is that he presents himself as a homeless woman who steals bread from her corner supermarket to feed her children ("I didn't want to do it. I had to") rather than a liar who did something he knows was wrong JUST so he could continue bringing in some $30 million more than his non-cheating contemporaries. What a complete phoney and a total disgrace of a "man." (NYDN)

Angel Hair Pasta? Kudos to "Entourage" star Adrian Grenier for doing volunteer work. But can someone get this guy a hair net? (People)

RIP: Rep. Julia Carson (D-Ind.), a longtime ally of the gay and lesbian population, died Saturday of lung cancer at her home in Indianapolis. She was 69. Carson was first elected 1996 becoming the first black and the first woman to represent Indianapolis in Congress. She championed LGBT civil rights, children's issues, women's rights and efforts to reduce homelessness, and was a staunch opponent of the war in Iraq. (365Gay)