So after only being able to watch the Thomas Roberts interview on Anderson Cooper with the sound off at work (the closed captioning was on, but I was having a hard time reading it -- work always gets in the way of my TV viewing) and then receiving a bunch of e-mails and blog comments about it, I finally was able to watch it in its entirety last night.
Besides being his usual adorable self, I thought Roberts was well-spoken and did a great job conveying the damage this violation had done to him all these years later. Many of you expressed your greatest sympathy for his fellow victim, Michael Goles, who was dismissed as a liar when he came forward about a decade before Roberts spoke up. In a perfect world it would have been great if Roberts had been able to come forward and back Goles, but I did think it was understandable that Thomas was in self-preservation mode and wasn't ready to deal with the inevitable fallout. The fact that Goles' homosexuality was discussed at length yet Roberts' wasn't brought up at all rubbed a lot of people the wrong way. Some suggested it would have put Anderson "I don't talk about my sexuality" Cooper in an awkward position had he brought it up, while others thought it was better left out for fear of the "He's gay because he was molested" fallacy rearing its ugly head.
Several people -- albeit scared that they would be accused of blaming the victim here -- expressed confusion as to why Roberts would continue to voluntarily visit Father Jeff each week when, as he put it, "you just knew something was going to happen each time." Michael, for one, said that by the time he'd reached high school he "knew what was going on" and he couldn't see knowingly putting himself in a position for more. (The abuse went on well into Roberts' senior year in high school, and early college, by some accounts.) Two -- yes, two -- gay friends of mine confessed to aggressively pursuing their priests as teens ("I was young and horny and he was the only gay guy I knew of") and couldn't help but wonder if things were more consensual than what was being admitted, while conceding that it would still be immoral and illegal on the priests' behalf, not the victims. ("There is something -- however unconscious -- about returning for more that ... implies a certain level of consent.")
I tend to agree with the commenter who said that it is unwise to second-guess a distraught teenager who is already going through a rough time (in Roberts' case his parents' divorce) who is then burdened with another breach in trust, although I will admit that I was also a little surprised to hear that this hadn't occurred when he was 8 or 9. I, like another person who wrote, am grateful that I cannot begin to understand what it's like to go through something like this, so far be it for me to judge someone who has.
Read some comments here. Let me know what you thought of the interview.
2 comments:
One of the problems with people commenting on someone sharing a very personal story is that their perspectives are in today's world, not in the perspective of someone who is 14 or 15 or 16 and is being victimized.
I think back to when I was in high school, and priests and brothers were always looked at as "men of god". I can understand the confusion a young boy goes through when he is molested by someone who represents the god he believes in.
And like most molesters, I am sure the priest in this case manipulated Roberts into thinking he had no one to turn to who would believe him. Further, there is ABSOLUTELY shame that one feels when he is molested, and being afraid to tell anyone is paralyzing.
Some people ask why he went back to the priest. That's an easy answer. He was imprisoned by fear, guilt, self doubt, self hatred. He had no one to tell, he just knew no one would believe him, and if he rebelled by not going to counselling, I am sure he felt that his parents, and probably the priest would have forced him into even more counselling - or worse, sent him away.
So, anyone who wants to lay any blame on Roberts for his being a victim, should re-think their positions.
Roberts has been carrying this burden for years. He should be be given our thanks, our sympathies, and our apologies for how we allowed this to happen when he was a child.
Roberts was very clear. He was afraid if he did not continue to see the priest he would be kicked out of the school he had fought long and hard to get into. It is that simple in the mind of a confused and distraught teenager. Gay teens are such easy victims because of the fear, guilt, and self-hatred society thrusts upon them.
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