Friday, July 21, 2006

'Work Out': No Pain, No Gain?

I woke up to a distressed e-mail with the subject: where's the blog entry on workout?

Inside, my friend Alisa wrote: i just knew there would be one today talking about the girl trainer who spanks her playmate clients and the owner's girlfriend's penchant for biting and the guy who tried to save his job by inviting his boss to the strip club. what happened??!

Needless to say, I let everyone down -- most of all, myself. I ended up working from 2 p.m. till 1 a.m., so I wasn't home (as planned) to watch the premiere of Bravo's latest fake reality offering, "Work Out," set in a "private gym" in Beverly Hills called Sky Sport and Spa. Lucky for all of us, catching a repeat of a Bravo show is about as hard as catching crabs at Splash, so by sundown, I was all up to date.
Alisa hit on some of the, uh, high points. The gym's owner (Jackie Warner) is a stylish, no-nonsense kinda gal. Hunky but stupid-and-annoying trainer Brian (strip club guy) is nice to look at, but the best storyline seems to be his butting heads with cutie "replacement" trainer Jesse, who is "totally gay." (Brian's got the shaved head, Jesse is the clean-cut boy, above.)

It's funny that everybody's age is on the Bravo Web site -- except Jackie's (she's 37 according to other published reports). Even though lesbians are notorious for loving the drama-filled relationships (after all, you never really know what you're getting when a U-Haul is your second date, as they used to say back at the Hung Jury), Jackie's relationship with Mimi seems to be even more toxic than most. Mimi may be a "fiery Brazilian" by birth, but these days she's all American Psycho. And it's not like Jackie just has her around because she's so hot -- this orange-skinned lover, at least in certain light, sure looks busted (and did anyone else notice a resemblance to Jerri Blank, the 47-year-old user, boozer and loser from Flatpoint High?). I guess I wouldn't look too hot if I were running around like a lunatic accusing my mate of all sorts of wild and ridiculous things, in between gnawing on said mate's limbs. There's no way these two will be together for a "second season," mark my words.

So the debut of "Work Out" caught my attention, but if Jackie announces that she needs to "build the best team possible at my gym" one more time, I'll likely let my membership expire.

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