Page 1 News (05/04)

9-11 Inches: Moussaoui Gets Life in Prison / Wait till he gets a few uninvited Twin Towers up his ass in the slammer. Let's see how "terrifying" he is then. (WP)

020-DENTIST: The first gay couple to marry in a civil partnership in Birmingham, England, are hoping to be the first gay couple to be jointly elected as local councilors. Not a bad idea as I'm thinking modeling probably wasn't their other option. (PinkNews)

Happy Birthday -- Again: 'World's oldest person' turns 128 / "Oh, a cake and balloons. How original." (Reuters)

Our Next Guest Is a Repeat Offender: I love how being a child molester is like being a guest on a talk show now. (NBC)

Fat Chance: The beverage industry has agreed to voluntarily remove high-calorie soft drinks from all schools. It's a start, but from the look of the kids in my neighborhood, it's going to take a lot more than getting sodas out of this generation's hands to keep this country from being crushed under the weight of an obesity epidemic that will certainly bankrupt the Medicaid-Medicare systems before long (pun intended). (WP)