Let 'em Eat Cake

It's no secret that the fatties love to eat. So it's only natural that they spend an inordinate about of time on the crapper. So why are toilet seats designed for the binge-and-purge crowd, you ask. Well, thanks to a new product on the market, you'll never have to ask, again:

"The Big John Toilet Seat brings 'stability and comfort' to our growing population. Standard seats are too small and too flimsy.

"The Big John Toilet Seat is not just for the Big and Tall/Plus Size consumer. It is great for people who are larger framed and bigger boned, but it's also great for senior citizens and the physically impaired, or even those with an average size who just want a more comfortable toilet seat.

"Let's face it why would anyone squeeze into coach when they could ease into first class."

While they make a good case for buying one of these, you could just consume fewer calories each day than you expend. This is a foolproof method for fitting on any size toilet.