Monday, February 12, 2018

The Heartthrob and the Hero


With his pumped body, furry chest and trimmed beard, there's no getting around the fact that lusty luger Chris Mazdzer is everyone's Olympic crush. (It's like we knew this was coming the second we laid eyes on him last week.) And then winning the United States' first medal in singles luge only made him hotter. 


Silver-medal Fox: The guy is walking Scruff ad


And if we weren't lusting after Chris, there was plenty of other eye candy ...


Like curling stud Magnus Nedregotten of Norway.


Pride and Joy: "I’d like to set the record straight and let it be known," he said. "It’s just my real butt."

But despite these guys' appeal to gays and straights alike, I don't think enough can't be said about the sublime Olympic debut of openly gay figure skater Adam Rippon. 


On top of being a bit of a late bloomer who qualified for Pyeongchang by the hair of his chinny chin chin, Rippon's status as one of the first and most outspoken gay men in Olympic history has put an enormous amount of pressure on him. (How many young athletes find themselves openly feuding with the vice president of their own country?) Yet Damian and I -- not to mention all of my friends on social media -- were completely blown away by his flawless performance in the team event. (Ask anyone: HE WAS ROBBED!) I don't care what anyone says. Patrick Chan may have done a couple point-stacking quads in the later part of his routine. But I can't tell them apart from triples -- but I can tell when someone repeatedly falls on their ass and touches the ice. So how the crazy-eyed, cowl-neck-wearing Canadian scored so much higher than adorable Adam is beyond me. (Shouldn't Adam have gotten bonus points for that ass, anyway?)


NBC has been awfully timid about addressing the pink elephant in the room. But finally Mike Tirico popped the question shortly after Adam's sensual premiere. Adam handled it gracefully and thoughtfully before delivering one of his signature lines:

“Mike, I’ve been around for a long time. This might be my first Olympics, but it’s not my first rodeo.”
Keep up the good work, Adam!

3 comments:

DrGaellon said...

Figure skating scoring rules have always been arcane, and the 2006 rules revision didn't make things any easier. Put as simply as possible, it is often the case that a poorly-executed difficult maneuver still earns more points than a flawlessly-executed easier maneuver. Each element has a Base Value; the Grade of Execution varies from -3 to +3 - so if, for instance, the BV for a quad is more than 6 points higher than the BV for the triple, the quad will always score more, even if fumbled.

jaragon said...

Adam proves he can skate- has nice butt- and great a gay sarcasm- the reference to " Mommy Dearest" gets a Gold medal for film history.

Rian G. said...

Thank you for capping Mazdzer's furry hawtness from that Insta story. What a frickin sex bomb!

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