Happy St. Patrick's Day!

As per tradition, I skipped the St. Patrick's Day parade and got to revel in the sloppiness that followed. This time a pack of bridge-and-tunnel kids were in the Wendy's in my office building's underground trying to use the bathroom. The beleaguered manager stood guard at the door trying to make sure only people who'd bought things went in -- like drunk Irish kids wouldn't buy something -- but the best part was the obligatory breakup going on between a wasted girl named Quinn and her adorable abusive boyfriend:

"I just wanna go home."

"Quinn. Quinn. Quinn."

"Take me home."

"Quinn. Quinn."

"I just wanna go home."

"Quinn. Can you talk to me for a second?"

"[Inaudible]."

"Quinn. I can't just take you home. It's not like I can magically transport you. Talk to me."

"[Moaning]."

"Are you saying you're through with me?"

"I just wanna go home."

"I'm sorry I yelled at you. I've just got this temper because I love you so much."

"I just wanna go home."

Meanwhile, one of the micks was belittling the Wendy's manager for "not having anything better to do" than guard the bathroom.

"That's really sad, dude. That's really pathetic," he declared as he dropped an extra-large Dunkin' Donuts cup on the floor and beer flooded the lobby.

By the way ...

New York's famed parade featured its first-ever gay-identified group today. But there was only one, and that it was a float of employees from NBC Universal -- which broadcasts the event -- didn't sit well with many. Read HERE.