Monday, February 10, 2014

Stop the Gas

Well, if the used cotton swabs on the staircase didn't already have you dazzled by my glamourous New York City life, then this will: With absolutely no warming the gas was completely turned off in my building -- hope you don't need to cook! -- and then suddenly a sign went up in the lobby saying "IF [emphasis mine] you would like a BRAND NEW ELECTRIC STOVE [emphasis theirs], please speak to Jose or call our office." This, of course, prompted the only suitable reaction: 


As you can see here, we have had no regular super for years on end -- apparently they try to exploit immigrants by paying them something like $400 a month, then wonder why they quit when they're being called 24 hours a day to tend to our building's myriad problems -- so figuring out who this Jose is about as likely as our having an actual super.

  I first became aware of the no-gas situation on Friday when some maintenance man knocked on my door and asked me IF I wanted a new electric stove. I was confused, then told him that my current (gas) one was in perfect condition so then said "No, thanks." (He asked "if" I wanted it, he didn't tell me I had to have it.) Now I see this latest note saying that management is offering these new stoves because they don't want to address the real issue in the building -- a faulty house pipe. (Are we all about to die?) Turns out the "if" means "If you would like a new electric stove, you can have one. But if you do not want one, you can no longer cook meals in your own home." Translation: RIP, Taco Night.

Uncle Bill, take me away ...


Unknown said...

You can't just plug in an electric stove to a regular wall socket. If you don't have the proper wiring, it will cost a lot more to replace your stoves and rewire the whole building.

Matthew said...

Just think of the added book sales if you blow up!