This doesn't affect my life in any way whatsoever, yet I still find it kinda creepy when 39-year-old men date teenagers. I liken it to my black friends who pray the person who did X in the news isn't a black guy and my Muslim friends who pray the person who did Y isn't Muslim, sort of an irrational hypersensitivity to the actions of other members of my community. Of course consenting adults are free to screw whoever they want. But I just can't help but get embarrassed by the whole "gay man preying on young boys" message it conveys, even realizing what one gay man does does not represent all of us. If it makes you feel any better, I find it gross when straight men do it, too. And I did lose a lot of respect for Paul Walker when it was posthumously revealed that he started dating his girlfriend when she was 16 and he was 33. That's even illegal, yet when an 18-year-old girl dates a 15-year-old female classmate that gets her put in jail, but I suppose that's a whole other issue/sore spot.
UPDATE: So it turns out Paul Walker was involved with a 16-year-old in Hawaii, where the age of consent is just that. For all of you who insist there is nothing creepy about a 40-year-old dating a 19-year-old, then I guess there's nothing creepy about Walker's predilection either. You know, because it was legal.
14 comments:
Nothing wrong with dating someone who's legal. It doesn't ick me out at all. I'd be happy to date an interesting 19yo, and certainly would have sex with a boring one.
Wait a minute! Why is it OK for Donald Trump to date/marry women twenty years younger than him or Hugh Hefner to date women fifty years younger but as soon as a gay man does it even members of our own community think there's something wrong?
Tom and Dustin are both enormously talented, interesting people. I wish them every happiness. I also hope they find some peace and serenity and that the world will leave them alone to love each other, without judgment.
So well put. As a gay person I cringe a little to think that this story is more fodder for the opposition who think we're all perverts and will use this story as ammunition to build their case. Personally, I think it's unhealthy for someone so mature to build a relationship with someone with so little life experience who is questioning his sexuality and so vulnerable after the loss of his father. I'm SURE his family doesn't like this one bit. (That a 39 year old man is dating their 19 year old loved one.) It's neither a gay nor straight thing. It's about personal responsibility and common decency.
Okay, I sort of get the "ick" factor, but I was dating a 20-year old when I was 50, so I can't comment.
I dated someone who was 17 years younger than I was for a year. It was fun. When (as he knew he would) he met someone his own age and ended it, i wasn't upset, just glad for the year we had. We're still friends and talk on Facebook all the time. He eventually married the guy he left me for. Nothing wrong with consenting adults doing what they want to do.
I do not see anything wrong with this. I would think that Tom Daley is probably mature beyond his years due to the intensity and discipline he instilled in himself through his Olympic training; therefore the likelihood that Tom Daley can find a man as accomplished as he is his own age is really low, therefore he needs to reach up the age ladder.
I'm ambivalent about this. On the one hand, we can't live our lives based on what we're afraid the anti-gay folks will think of it, or make of it. That's ridiculous.
On the other hand, I tend to...distrust a 39-year-old who is trying to make a lasting relationship with someone much, much younger. There SHOULD be a lot of emotional/maturity differences between two such people.
On the third hand, gay men have always dated - or "dated" - across age, economic, and racial differences, and I would argue that has been a good thing.
As I said, I'm ambivalent. I guess I come down on the side of "let them have their fun."
I am with you Kenneth. I was talking to my husband about this and he too thinks it rather icky.
In fairness we feel more strongly about it since we have a 19 yo son. We have seen our friends ogle him especially during the summer as our son has evolved. I had to keep reminding them that it is my son they are burning a hole through.
With Tom being the age of my son it adds the ick. Maybe other gay men won't see it differently. As a parent it just adds another level. I would be upset if he was dating someone that could be their parent.
Plus they are still young and impressionable. Someone our age can teach and help traverse the gay world but you can do it as a mentor not as a sexual partner.
I find it weird how "judgey" loads of gay people are being about this whole thing from what I've been reading. You'd of course think gay people would know better but apparently not. I assume some of it(no I'm not referring to this blogger) stems from jealousy.
Anyways, who cares? If it's legal and they're happy who cares? I mean Daley looked genuinely happy in his "coming out" vid and the fact that this relationship was the catalyst for him to be open with himself makes me think it's something deeper beyond young twink-old guy. I wish them happiness.
@Juan Lopez: well you're looking at it a bit to much from the "sexual" perspective. Because your friends are ogling and lusting after your son doesn't mean that this relationship and every other May-Decemeber relationship has the same "pervy old friends ogling young guy" angle to them.
@Jay I dated younger myself once. I was 28 and he was 20. Not a big of an age gap but still age eventually became an issue.
I was merely looking at it as a parent. I am Dustin's age and my son is Tom's age. My son's friends have all grown into hot young men. I would never ever think of doing anything with them because it just reminds me that they are my son's age. Sure I check them out but I do not ogle.
I would venture to guess Tom's family feels the same as I do as a parent.
I'd had a lifetime of mostly unhappy relationships with men who were always between 5 and 15 years older than me. Then, at 43, I met a 29 year old man. We've been together for 8 years, 5 of them married, and I've never been happier. It's not his age; I just met, at last, the right guy. No one was more surprised than I was.
I'd always judged, harshly, older men with younger guys. You won't be surprised to hear that I no longer do!
When I was 19, I dated a 31 year old. I find nothing wrong with it as long as everyone is of legal age. Further, there is no 18 or 19 year old who is a naive and innocent child. People that age are very sexual and know exactly what they want and how to go about getting it.
@Juan Lopez: you're right, age might become an issue. But then, it might not and they might give each other some happy fulfilling years and part ways, who knows? Right now, Daley does seem genuinely happy(though for all we know it's not even DLB lol) and that's all that matter imo
I do agree that Daley's parents would be skeptical, even I would be skeptical if I ever have a child and he/she brought someone waay older home, but nothing they can do really except keep an eye on him
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