Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Even Channing Tatum's Pornstache Can't Save 'The Son of No One'

The word out of Sundance -- nearly two years ago -- was that Channing Tatum's cop drama, "The Son of No One," was a dud. But the thought of two hours of a mustachioed Channing (well, as much as he can grow!) in a tight police uniform proved too irresistible for me, so Michael and I caught a matinee over the weekend in the East Village. Boy were the people at Sundance right. This picture is the textbook definition of something that probably sounded good on paper -- an all-star cast (including Al Pacino, Ray Liotta, Katie Holmes, Tracy Morgan and Juliette Binoche), and an intriguing story (about a young cop is assigned to a precinct back in his childhood working-class neighborhood where an old secret threatens to destroy his life and his family) -- that went horribly wrong once the cameras starting rolling.

I guess there were some early signs -- it had a modest $15 million budget with the author of the book on which it's based also directing ("A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints" and "Fighting" are Dito Montiel's only other credits -- clearly he and Channing have a bond) -- but I found the clumsy interwoven flashbacks to be confusing (are ALL films doing this now? and why is Al Pacino the same age in 1986 as he is now?) and the plot of a police cover-up of two unsolved murders of low-lifes in a Queens housing project to be thin, with the most laughably unbelievable ending I have seen on the silver screen in recent memory. I should have followed my instincts and waited for this one to come out on DVD. That and a bottle of Wet and you've got yourself an evening. (Channing is smokin' from beginning to end.) My grade: C-.


3 comments:

ian said...

there was a blind item piece about an actor at Sundance who ended up crying in a bathroom stall because is acting was so badly panned. The top guess was Channing Tatum. Was it for this film? Or maybe that Roman era one he did with Jaime Bell. Poor Channing. Let me comfort you. I'll kiss it better.

dkm said...

Can't watch him without thinking that his too-close-together eyes make him look dim, and his "tough" expression reads "constipated." Just saying.

martymartymarty said...

Any movie with Tracy Morgan is a dud. That's a given.

And Al Pacino isn't too far behind on that one lately.

But not as much as Robert DeNiro.

Channing Tatum could frisk me anytime, anywhere. Just sayin'. Won't make me endure the movie, tho'. =)

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