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The Fresh Prince of Persia: Well, I'm relieved to read that producer Jerry Bruckheimer isn't under any grand illusion that Jake Gyllenhaal is some great actor (he's not!), although he does get around to mentioning it -- eventually. When asked what the actor brings to his film, "Prince of Persia," the first, second and third thing Bruckheimer said was: “Well, he’s very handsome. And he’s in fantastic shape. He got in great shape for this movie." (Blah, blah, blah, "brilliant actor.") For the record I want to note that there is NO WAY IN HELL Jake isn't taking steroids or HGH or the like. I'm tired of beating myself up for not being able to "train" myself into this kind of shape, and after extensive research on the subject -- and watching baseball for a few years -- I think I have finally figured it all out. Performance-enhancing drugs, all the way, just ask Roger Clemens, who became a "better" pitcher in his late 30s and early 40s! (Kotaku)

Meet the Mets: Has Madonna flown the Coop? (PageSix)

Say It Isn't So: Bruce Jenner is going under the knife -- again. (NYDN) (We already know what happened the last 12 times.)

Avedon Fashion: An exhibit of pictures by Richard Avedon, who was a staff photographer at The New Yorker from 1992 to 2004, will be on display from May 15-Sept. 6 at the International Center for Photography. To see a selection of images from “Avedon Fashion 1944-2000,” some of which have appeared in the pages of the magazine, click HERE.

Bait and Switch: Who's on Obama's SCOTUS shortlist? I don't see any lesbians anymore ... (MSNBC)

Sisterhood of Blame: It breaks my heart to see someone as bright and loving as Elizabeth Edwards spend her dwindling days on Earth airing her dirty laundry on television. First of all, as long as I live I will never understand why women rip each other apart ("her life is pathetic") and blame other WOMEN for the misdeeds of their husbands ("I was afraid of her"). JOHN is the one who made a vow to you, Elizabeth. NOT Rielle Hunter!) More than anything, though, I just don't see what's in it for Elizabeth to even do this. She has "no idea"(!!!) if Hunter's child is John's and can't even give a straight answer as to whether or not she still loves him. Was happy to find I'm not alone on this. (Froma Harrop)

Garden Party: Are we ready? "The Real Housewives of New Jersey" premieres tonight, and Alessandra Stanley promises it's the best one yet! (NYT)

Smear Campaign: The Empire State Pride Agenda has released a new message from New York State Deputy Secretary for Education that combats the lies spread by right-wing religious groups that marriage equality in New York state would force schools to teach about those marriages. (Towleroad)

His Heart Belongs to 'Daddy': Have you heard about this kid Brennan Jackson, a Los Angeles high school student who went public with his desire to find someone to foot the bill for him to attend U.C. Berkeley now that his dad is unemployed? Well, it seems he has found himself a benefactor in Bill Brandt, a so-called turnaround specialist, who has agreed to give Brennan $20,000 a year for his education, for four years. No word on what Brandt is "getting" in exchange, but where I come from that's called a sugar daddy. (Welcome to Berkeley, Brennan Nicole Smith!) (NYT)

Strangeways, Here We Come: There's no one more loyal than a Morrissey fan, and by loyal I mean scary!!!! (TimesOnline)

We Know He Has HUGE Balls Under That Robe: A federal judge who presided for nearly two decades in Galveston, Texas, was sentenced to 33 months in prison on Monday for lying to an investigative committee of judges about whether he had sexually harassed his secretary. But rather than apologizing to his victims (he also harassed a case manager) -- whom he admitted to repeatedly groping and touching their genitals and breasts against their will -- Judge Samuel B. Kent has asked to be allowed to claim that he is disabled ("depression, alcoholism, diabetes and bipolar disease") so he can continue to collect his salary of $169,300 a year as part of his lifetime appointment to the bench. Both victims made statements before the sentencing, with one expressing anger that Kent had tried to portray her complaints as those of a spurned lover. "Being molested and groped by a drunken giant is not my idea of an affair,” she said in court. Naturally, his wife stands by her "man." (NYT)

Hate Crime: A man already serving a life sentence for the murder of transsexual teen 18-year-old Angie Zapata has been handed an extra 60 years to his sentence. (365Gay)

Mr. Crist Goes to Washington: If you've seen Kirby Dick's new documentary about closeted politicians, "Outrage," then you'll really appreciate how hilarious it is that Gov. Charlie Crist is gearing up to run for office again -- this time the U.S. Senate. That's Charlie in the crop-top and pornstache back in his "frat" daze ... (NYT)

Half Breed: If I were ever going to set foot in that hell hole called Las Vegas again, this would be the only reason why. (The Inquisitr)

210-Sq-Feet of Heaven: Eat your heart out, HGTV's "Small Space, Big Style"! (And I thought my place was "cozy.") (NYDN)

Fatal Distraction: Did the pilot of the plane that crashed in Buffalo killing all 50 people onboard get distracted because he was coming on to his pretty young co-pilot? (NYP)