Page 1 Consider (05/14)

Biggest Balls Ever: Kudos to 78-year-old Raymond Marquez, who filed a $15 million lawsuit against Rikers Island claiming that his bladder cancer was the result of secondhand smoke he inhaled while incarcerated there. Sadly, the jury didn't see it his way, something about his having been a smoker for 30 years or something. David Marquez, the plaintiff's son and lawyer, said that his client had not inhaled deeply when he smoked, and that by the time he went to Rikers, he had not smoked for 23 years. I suppose he inhaled REALLY DEEP the whole time he was in the slammer, too. (NYT)

Bend It Up Your Ass, Fatties! Instead of blaming India and other developing nations for the rise in food prices, Americans should rethink their energy policy -- and stop being such gluttonous fatasses. That has been the response of a growing number of politicians, economists and academics in this country, who are angry at statements by top U.S. officials that India’s rising prosperity is to blame for food inflation. Pradeep S. Mehta, secretary general of the center for international trade, economics and the environment of CUTS International, an independent research institute, added that the money spent in the United States on liposuction to get rid of fat from excess consumption could be funneled to feed famine victims. How do you say meow in Hindi? (NYT)

Crocodile Tears: Not even a hip-hop version of a Little Miss Muffet outfit, gray bloomers and vest could keep Remy Ma from getting eight years in the slammer. I wonder if her tear-soaked mea culpa -- in which she came clean about how nearly killing her friend had affected her own self so deeply -- had anything to do with the judge's ruling. (And Papoose's has gotta be hurtin' too.) (AP)

Homo-Friendly Care: Gay-rights groups launch hospital ratings in the hope that standards will result in more compassionate treatment (AP)

Poison Drivey: Drew Barrymore was unhurt in a hit-and-run accident. I wonder if it straightened her mouth out, though. (AP)

Powertool 3: One of two men accused of killing gay porn producer Bryan Kocis in 2006 confessed to fellow inmates in jail according to papers filed by the prosecution. (Jeff Stryker, I'd imagine, just watched the whole scene unfold from an adjacent cell.) (365Gay)

Fag-a-palooza: Ramin Setoodeh puts Cyndi Lauper -- who's about to release her eighth real(ish) album, "Bring Ya to the Brink" -- through the Q&A in the new Newsweek and explains why I will never go see the True Colors tour: "it's so long." (FYI: Blue Angel is still her greatest achievement to date.) (Newsweek)

Settlement: A lawsuit by a lesbian who was ejected from a New York City restaurant following last year's LGBT pride march when a bouncer thought she was too masculine to use the women's rest room has settled her lawsuit against the business. (365Gay)

Sheena, Queen of the Gay Jungle: Modern Girl Sheena Easton is looking to make a comeback, and by comeback I mean hitting the gay pride circuit. (Towleroad)

RIP:Robert Rauschenberg, American artist, dies at 82. (NYT)