Page 1 Consider (12/19)

Cop-y Editors: Eagle-eyed rimsters over at the Lewiston Tribune were putting the paper together the other night when they noticed the photo of the guy decorating store windows looked an awful lot like another subject on the page -- the guy in the surveillance camera shot who pickpocketed some lady's wallet in a convenience store in Clarkston, Wash. (A call to the police department led to a quick arrest.) Like writing headlines and cutlines, laying out pages, and cleaning up messy grammar, spelling and punctuation isn't enough responsibility, now we're solving crimes? Now that's what I calling AP style. (AP)

Note to Self: Francisco Nava, an anti-gay Princeton University student who argued that his conservative views were not accepted on campus confessed to fabricating an assault and sending threatening e-mail messages to himself and some friends who shared his views, authorities said Monday. Here's something to e-mail yourself: "I'm an embarrassing jackass." (AP)

You've Come a Long Way, Commie: Hungary's parliament passed a law on Monday allowing same-sex couples to register their civil partnerships. Registered couples will have access to the same rights as married straight couples with respect to inheritance, taxes, and other financial matters, Reuters reported. They will not, however, be allowed to adopt children. Meanwhile, Rome's city council has rejected a proposal for a domestic partner registry for same-sex couples and opposite-sex couples who cannot or chose not to marry.

Huck-a-fatty: There's a hilarious Mike Huckabee story in today's Times in which he's interviewed "sweating profusely" on a treadmill: His "round brown eyes and smiley bearing make him slightly resemble the actor Jim Nabors" and although he famous for losing 110 pounds he still has a "visible paunch.." (Meow!) The article's best line comes later though: "And despite his smiley demeanor, Mr. Huckabee can betray some of the prickliness that earned him a reputation in Arkansas as being thin skinned and somewhat vindictive."(!!!) While I cannot wait until this Huck-a-fad is over, it is fun hearing people take potshots at him in the meantime. God knows he deserves it. (NYT)

This Is Not an Online Headline: Study Says Lesbians More Stressed at Holidays Than Straight Women. I guess chopping all that wood to keep the fireplace going would take its toll. (365Gay)

Dutch Treat: Authorities in Aruba have closed the investigation into the disappearance of Natalee Holloway and do not have evidence to charge anyone, the prosecutors' office said Tuesday. The three young men who were last seen with the Alabama teenager have all been notified that they will not be charged, the Public Prosecutor's Office said. This is horrible news for Natalee's family, although it does sort of free me to pursue Joran van der Sloot -- arguably the dreamiest murderer since Ted Bundy -- on a full-time basis. (AP)

Harry and Louise: These old GOP ads that derailed the Clinton health plan of the mid-'90s sure look hilarious today, almost like watching Michael Moore's "Sicko" in reverse. I'd give anything to have some "bureaucrat" regulate my health care over some greedy insurance company bastards any day. Sometimes "bureaucracies" do work. They're not perfect, but would we really be better off having no public school system or no U.S. postal service? This "free market" system for other necessities has more than shown over time that it does not work and everyone seems to know this except the very rich.(YouTube)

Too Faithfully? Journey turned to YouTube to help them find their latest lead singer (and sixth overall!!!), but it's this nutty Steve Perry fan who needs real help. (Underwire)

Shark Attack: Chris Evert and Greg Norman are engaged. Poor Chris. And all this time we were led to believe that the embarrassing midlife crisis was for men only. (AP)

Extra Credit: When Shawn Carson taught last year at a middle school named the South Bronx Academy for Applied Media, he entered his room on many days to find a message from his students on the blackboard. In graphic and vulgar language, as he recalled in a recent interview, it described him committing a homosexual act. Wow! The most exciting thing that happened at our middle school was pizza day and lime gelatin with sliced pears. (NYT)

COLT 45: Are television producers becoming more progressive or has the writers strike driven them to desperate measures? Whatever the case may be, I'm impressed that Colt Man Elian Cortez will be starring on the revamped version of "American Gladiators" early next year as Militia. (AGblog) You may recall I had an encounter with a COLT man back in the day.

Pregnancy 101: As much as I don't give a flying fuck about Britney Spears, I care even less that her 16-year-old sister, Jamie Lynn, is knocked up. That said, the guy who deposited the sperm into the little retard is kinda hot, hence the post. (TMZ)