Afternoon Headlights (11/09)

Repubs Get Nailed: I'm not in the mood to deal with the latest comings and goings of the GOP's (gay) sex starved posse, so I'll let the champagne of comics take the place of my reporting. (Married to the Sea)

Priest Hood: Does anyone else think this story about a crazed priest who's stalking Conan O'Brien (and John McEnroe) is the funniest thing ever? Come on -- it's better than raping children. (NYP)

At Least He's Pretty: David Beckham wasn't able to do much for his new American team, but that hasn't stop him from being recalled to England's national team. Who says you can never go home again? (AP)

More ATP Scandals: Czech tennis player Jan Hernych says he was approached in Russia last year and asked to lose first-round matches at ATP tournaments in Moscow and St. Petersburg in exchange for cash. With a ranking of No. 165 in the world, would it really have been necessary to pay him to lose? (AP)

G-Listed: Out magazine names its Out 100. Towleroad spoke to editor Aaron Hicklin about some of the choices. (Towleroad)

And They Say Marijuana Is Harmless: The 26-year-old personal assistant to former Ramones manager turned real estate agent to the stars, Linda Stein, has confessed to the gruesome murder, saying she became enraged when Stein blew pot smoke in her face and was verbally abusive to her. Lowery then grabbed a metal yoga rod and hit her 6-7 times in the head. Talk about your gateway drugs. Sounds like justifiable homicide to me. (NYP)

You Think He Was Troubled Before: Crate-throwing soap hunk Nathaniel Marston has finally been fired from "One Life to Live." The troubled actor (those pesky learning disorders) who played Dr. Michael McBain on the popular soap was arrested last month for allegedly attacking three people and then fighting with cops who tried to arrest him in Manhattan. ABC says the role will be recast. (NYP)

Out of Touch Weekly: InTouch Weekly is "reporting" (and by reporting I mean made up 'cause it sounded hot) that Tom Brady was offered $1 million to be Calvin Klein's new tighty whitey pinup stud. A million dollars? He got five for hawking water and didn't even have to take his shirt off. Besides, anyone who saw Tom's "Sexual Harassment and You" skit on SNL last year knows his package is worth way more than that. (Boston)

Butter Luck Next Time: You really couldn't make up something funnier than this Fabio v. George Clooney cat fight. Fabio's right, though, I'm tired of Clooney being such a "diva" too. I hope Fabio does send George to the "E.R." next time ...(Source)