Page 1 Consider (08/20)

She's the Seductress: Kudos to Suzanne Somers for showing up at Merv Griffin's funeral looking like as many bucks as the closeted mogul was worth. (And check out the photo gallery to see how hot Merv's son is.) (AP)

Latter Day Saint Elsewhere: Wow, them there Mormons sure are "softening" up. A new church publication, "God Loveth His Children," says gay feelings are neither learned nor chosen, and it counsels against rejecting a gay child. A religion that teaches its followers not to disown their own children? Sign me up! (LADN)

Full Faith and Discredit: He hasn't even announced his candidacy yet, but that hasn't stopped GOP hopeful Fred Thompson from starting his anti-gay rhetoric. The onetime D-list actor with the trophy wife who is younger than his own children said that he would support a constitutional amendment to "cure" the disparity between different state laws on same-sex marriage. Yeah, that's what this country needs. That's the Number One issue pulling us apart. (Advocate)

BLANK in Mouth Disease: Is there a minority group Florida Rep. Bob Allen hasn't offended yet? He's gonna need to blow a lot of people -- and a big stack of Andrew Jacksons to work his way out of this pickle. (Advocate)

At Large: A roughly 300-pound man who sexually assaulted a homeless woman in a freeway underpass in Lancaster while proclaiming that he was "doing this for the angels" remained at large Saturday, officials said. Maybe not the best choice of words. (Wires)

'Balancing' Act As in the first quarter, CNN and MSNBC each devoted about twice as much time to the war as their cable competitor Fox News Channel, according to the report by the Project for Excellence in Journalism, a research group. MSNBC stood apart in giving twice as much time to the presidential primary campaigns as the other two. (NYT)

Encore! Encore! A nice review of my pal Frank Anthony Polito's Fringe Festival entry, "Another Day on Willow St." How subjective is theater? The reviewer particularly likes the one thing I pointed out as a flaw! There are still two more chances to catch the play: Thursday, Aug. 23 @ 10:45 p.m. and Saturday, Aug. 25 @ 4:30 p.m. (NYTheatre)

Color Guard: Despite an unprofitable debut this summer, organizers of the “True Colors Tour” say they plan to expand the event next year, in part to help promote non-discrimination against gays. The True Colors Tour is run by True Colors Concerts, LLC, which was founded by tour owner Cyndi Lauper, and despite the event’s donation to the Human Right Campaign, True Colors Concerts, LLC, and True Colors Tour are both for-profit ventures. This year, neither made any money, but Podell says the organization has hopes for profits in the future. (WB)

D-List Romance?: Did the twice-Emmy-nominated Kathy Griffin land herself a billionaire boyfriend in Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak? It sounds like a publicity stunt to me. Who would want to date this guy when they could hang around with fun friends all day instead? (FakeSteveJobs)

Chapter Two: Ben Karlin, a creative force behind “The Daily Show With Jon Stewart” for eight years who stepped down as its executive producer in December, is taking his act to HBO. (NYT)

Dangerous When Interested: Play's magazine's profile on Serena Williams is a must-read for tennis fans. (Play)

Holy Beltway, Batman: Despite the fact that he doesn't wear tights, Sen. Patrick Leahy of Vermont has a part in the next Batman movie. Leahy's scene was filmed this summer and involves Batman (Christian Bale), The Joker (Heath Ledger) and Alfred Pennyworth (Michael Caine). It's not Leahy's first time at the Bat Cave, however. He's done voice-overs on Batman cartoons, written the preface for a Batman book and had small roles in the last two Batman features. (AP)

Just Asking: The son of Democratic presidential candidate and Iraq war critic Joe Biden is preparing for deployment to Iraq. Capt. Beau Biden, a judge advocate general in the Delaware National Guard and the state's attorney general, is part of the 261st Signal Brigade that has been told to prepare for duty in Iraq in 2008. How many "pro" war politicians' kids are heading over there? (AP)

Killer View? A New York City assistant corrections commissioner has been charged with assault, criminal mischief and resisting arrest following a confrontation at a Chelsea gay bar. Police say that Marc Carpentier, 41, punched a waiter in the face at The View, on Eighth Avenue (the popular cocaine and Ecstasy dealer) and then as he was being ejected from the bar smashed the plate glass front door. I don't know about you, but I would thank someone for helping me get out of that place. (365Gay)

Two Wheels Good: A classic Ferrari once owned by Steve McQueen -- one of the hottest men ever -- sold for $2.31 million Thursday night at auction. (AP)

Not Necessarily the Funny News: Fox is canceling its "1/2 Hour News Hour," the network’s answer to left-wing news parodies like "The Daily Show With Jon Stewart" and "The Colbert Report." The only thing funny is that they're claiming it's because the show is "too expensive" to produce. (NYT)

How Fun: Ellen DeGeneres is getting a variety show special. I wonder if she'll tug her ear at the end. (Advocate)

(Energy) Drink of Water: The New York Red Bulls didn't know what fans were until David Beckham showed up with the L.A. Galaxy. (AP)