Page 1 Consider (03/05)

Pup Quiz: They can't get to the bottom of who the father of Anna Nicole Smith's daughter is, but you can get DNA testing done on your pooch to see if Howard K. Stern had anything to do with its pedigree. (NYP)

Bunch of Crabs: A proposed amendment to the Maryland Constitution that would bar same-sex couples from marrying has been filed in the state legislature, despite the fact that Maryland already has a law restricting marriage to opposite-sex couples. Someone get Ruthann Aron on the phone and have her take care of the idiot behind this homophobic overkill. (365Gay)

Dine and Dash: That Foxy Brown is every service worker's worst nightmare. When she's not physically assaulting women who give her manicures, she walks out on paying the check at Junior's in Brooklyn. (Gothamist)

Listen Without Prejudice: Wow, this is better than a night of dancing at Club G-A-Y: George Michael will play the first concert at the new Wembley Stadium. (BBC)

Anchor's Away: Dreamy Brian Williams is following fellow anchor Bob Woodruff's lead and reporting from Iraq this week. God help me if something should happen to my guy. (NBC)

The Buc Stops Here: Demoted Broncos quarterback Jake "The Snake" Plummer announced retirement over the weekend. The reason? He doesn't want to accept a trade to Tampa Bay. I always thought people went to Tampa to retire, but Jake always did do things backward. (SI)

Box Office Poison: Americans truly are the dumbest people on the planet. (AP)

Shanghai Surprise: A delegate of China's National People's Congress has proposed adding homosexual rape to criminal law. I think that's a great idea. By any chance is murder on the books now? Might wanna look into that, too. (SD)

No Sour Grapes: Presidential hopeful John Edwards learned this growing up in the South: When God gives you lemons, make faggot lemonade. (365Gay)

Soy Busted: Nothing like getting caught marrying another man to force a Mexican pop star out of the closet. (AP)

Bust It Like Beckham: Soon-to-be U.S. soccer sensation David Beckham is out indefinitely with a knee injury. I can already see the reality show episode where he visited the wacky physical therapist. (AOL)

Kiddie Rx: Which pain relief works best for children? I thought it was sending them to a friend's house. (AP)

Gay Triple Play: The issue of same-sex unions will be front and center today at the New Hampshire legislature as a committee examines three bills -- one that would allow gay and lesbian couples to marry, a second that would create spousal unions and a third to recognize civil unions and gay marriages performed in areas where they are already legal. All three bills will be considered at the House Judiciary Committee. (365Gay)

Dangerous Games: Why did the center for sex offenders take down the razor wire from the security fence? It was damaging volleyballs from a nearby court used by the pedophiles and rapists. (NYT)