I got a thought-provoking comment the other day in response to a snarky/mean-spirited post I did last week about a new dating service for overweight people called Big Beautiful Women:
Having perused your blog for a while, I noticed very quickly amid a lot of entertaining and insightful posts a truly virulent 'I-hate-fat-people' thread, one so out-of-synch with the blog's overall tone that one might almost think it some sort of bug or virus. All I can guess is that you have some deep, dark secret in your past, not unlike the gay-bashers who it turns out are as gay as their targets. It doesn't suit you. It's just sad. Sorry.
Now the person who left this comment is right that I do take cheap shots at fat people, but they're not likely to have a career as a therapist anytime soon as the attempt at analyzing the situation misses the target horribly. Allow me to explain. Lest anyone think there's a Monica Geller-ish photo of me from high school floating around somewhere, simply click here. And no, I wasn't raised by embarrassing fat people who would show up at school functions with cakes or anything like that: my mom was rail thin long after having five children and my dad boxed as a bantamweight most of his fighting years.
The truth is my biggest flaw (where was this answer when I needed it during a job interview a few years ago?) is my overall lack of tolerance -- specifically a lack of tolerance of people with compulsive-behavior issues. You don't have to remind me that I'm far from perfect -- I'm well aware of that. But I'm a huge proponent of personal responsibility and I simply find compulsive people -- whether it be gamblers, drinkers, smokers, drug users, overeaters, whatever -- to be both annoying and horribly negative to my own well-being. Counterproductive behavior is truly contagious. Likewise, I find hanging out with vibrant, ambitious people is contagious too.
I have strong feelings about the direction of this country -- and both obesity and tobacco use play a huge part in the health and well-being of us all. Of course I know and love and sympathize with many wonderful people who have weight issues and/or suffer from nicotine addiction. These are real problems that affect millions. But I only have so much sympathy for people whose problems are of their own making and aren't willing to tackle them full-on. (I'd have to say I got this lovely trait from my mother.) There are just too many bad things that happen in life to be doing bad things to yourself. If I feel my pants getting a little tighter, I watch what I eat more carefully and spend some time on the treadmill. (Sorry, folks: People don't just become 200 pounds overweight overnight.) I don't smoke or use drugs as this is only an invitation to trouble (this crystal meth epidemic is just shameful). I'm tired of everyone thinking everyone else's life is so f**king easy. We all have issues and we all have to make an effort.
I'm also frustrated and angry with the American public trying so hard to bend over backward to convince the world that being unhealthy is acceptable: it's not. It's killing this country -- in myriad ways. As a direct result of this widespread incidence of smoking, diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol, health-care costs are spiraling out of control and running thousands of American businesses into the ground. The U.S. cannot even compete with other countries anymore. And it's gotten to the point that even a healthy freelancer like myself cannot afford decent health insurance. Meanwhile, instead of trying to address the problem the so-called health and nutrition "industry" is too busy exploiting overweight people to the tune of $46 billion a year with bogus weight-loss gimmicks, diets, exercise equipment -- and yes, dating services for "big beautiful women." (Come on! No one is saying everyone has to be perfect and a Size 0, but aren't fat people even embarrassed to be exploited by these obvious scams? Are my juvenile cracks the real problem here?) And then there are the lawyers who have jumped on the bandwagon and are suing the tobacco companies and the fast-food restaurants because "the poor, innocent American public" didn't know a diet of Marlboro Reds and McDonald's was bad for you. (I'm sure they're doing this because they care, not because of a financial incentive.)
So you wanna know what my deep, dark secret is? When I have to fight with people on airplanes, buses and subways (and at concerts, tennis matches and ballparks) to have my seat to myself -- and I cannot even walk down the street on a sunny day and enjoy myself without inhaling deadly secondhand smoke, then yes, I have a problem. When other people's compulsive behavior gets in the way of my life, liberty and pursuit of happiness, I can get a little snotty. I'm sickened by what I see happening to my country. I'm terrified for the future when I walk past a playground and see a bunch of 190-pound kids sitting around on benches eating potato chips. But this is my blog, and I don't think I'd be doing anyone any favors by trying to sanitize my "overall tone" to try to make myself out to be someone other than who I am. You don't have to read what I write, but we all have to deal with the fallout of what's happening to the American public.
My name is Kenneth and I'm not the most tolerant person in the world. I use bitchy humor to relieve the stress of it all, just like you may be smoking or eating a cake to relieve yours. Which is really sadder?
24 comments:
Hate to say it, but you come off as sadder. So calling people fatty and whining how hard it's for you to get a seat on the bus is really going to help? You take a complex problem and make it all about you. "How much better my life would be if those fatties/druggies/addicts just changed."
And bantling4 is right. Your rhetoric is no different from the folk who use the "love the sinner, hate the sin" line. Never thought you would want to be associated with that crowd, but maybe I'm wrong.
I like the blog brother, but your rants against big people are really from left field.
peace
Bantling14, get over it. I could say, but stuffing your fat face with twinkies is a choice." ANd then you could say, "That sounds a lot like anti-gay arguments." But just bacause it sounds like it doesn't mean the analogy makes sense. If I stop sucking dick, I'm still gay. If fat people stop eating compulsively, they're not fat anymore. Get it? And you're missing the point: Kenneth is judgmental--that's why the blog works. If you don't like it, go sit in a corner and stuff your face. Kenneth, we love you and your campaign to end the fat rolls!
I feel the same way - empathy and compassion for people who are disadvantaged through no choice of their own and the verge of contempt for people who create their own problems. However, as you will see from the first two comments, the PC police just don't understand the difference.
Oh please. Keep that pc police charge to yourself. Did I demand people boycot this blog? Did I call Kenneth bigoted in any way? Nope. Simply responding to what he wrote. Iit's so funny that the pc police phrase is thrown out when you simply disagree.
peace
We live in a society where people refuse to take personal responsibility for their actions. If you decide to eat McDonald's five times a week and not exercise, you have no right to sue the restaurant because you're fat. That's the insanity that led a woman, who put a hot cup of coffee in her lap, to sue the restuarant when she got burned because it spilled. Our generation has been so coddled by our parents, who wanted us to have a better life than they did, that we just can't understand that, hey, maybe we're the ones doing something wrong, not "the man".
Besides, eating McDonald's is a choice, being a homosexual is not.
PC isn't restricted to bigotry nor require a call for punitive action. It is in part accusing someone of being insensitive or intolerent to certain group or type of people.
Also, so quickly accusing someone as being in the same camp as true bigots (the love the sinner hate the sin people)does sound like you are calling that person bigoted.
And - just a small part here - your use of the term "big people" -how PC of you.
Simply disagreeing is one thing but I think the PC card used here is appropriate from reading your post.
Oh and we love you but we just hate your PC'ness...
Just a quick note (without jumping into the fray of political correctness) on the choices of obesity:
As it turns out, obesity is a genetically tractable problem--that is, being obese or overweight may actually be much less of a choice than we'd like to ascribe. (And for those who think it's funny to imagine biologists in white lab coats futzing around with pathetically overweight mice--well, you're right.)
Sure, exercise and reduced calorie intake may be a solution, but given some genetic backgrounds, these options might need to be far more extreme than what one might consider at all reasonable.
But just to push a toe into the politics of the matter, why the sudden attention to being overweight? Well, it might actually be that people are getting fatter, or it might be that people in general are becoming more wary of the health risks so being overweight is becoming more and more taboo.
My impressions are that it's probably a combination of both.
But all this is not to distract from the topic at hand: does all this mean it's inappropriate for the occasional off-color joke? As always, it probably depends on the company you're keeping.
Wait a miunte. So if someone admits to being intolerent and you call the person on it, suddenly that is pc?!?!?!? Pleeeeeze.
Now if you want to call me on the "hate the sin" line, cool. But I used that line to simply point out that some of the rhetoric Keith uses about fatties (happy now?!?!?!?) is just like the stuff we all hear from folk who have issues with gays and lesbians. Now if he finds that line of thinking okay when it comes to fat folk, fine;however, we should all be careful about using the same language of people we disagree with.
And where did I ask Keith to change? Or not be who he is, even with his fat disgust on full display?
As I said before, the pc charge does not work (and I'll spare you my thoughts about why the term pc needs a painful death).
peace
Who's Keith?
I said it the accusation is "in part" and it depends on the context. However, you're right -we all have a right to our opinions and I respectfully disagree with you. Issue closed for me. Let get back to enjoying our woods, making fun of celebrities (fat and skinny), and other various news tidbits.
Keith? Who's Keith?
Kenneth, you know I'm a fan, but I have to disagree with you a bit here. Certainly obesity is a grave social problem, and a growing one. But there are many, many contributing factors that can't be reduced to "fat people eat too much."
Some people really are biologically prone to obesity. I personally know a woman who's very consistent about going to the gym and who eats far, far less than I do, but she's overweight. (And I, for those of you who don't know me, am not.) It sounds like a tired excuse, but she has a thyroid problem. Honest.
Also, some people just don't know how to eat well. Or they can't afford to eat well. If you grow up on fast food, that's what you develop a taste for -- and buying produce is expensive.
The poster who said your blog works because you're judgmental is sort of right -- taking a stand on something provides perspective and, hey, we're all reading you, so you're doing something right. But I think there are more gray areas here than you may leave room for.
My two cents. Don't hate me. :)
I totally agree with Kenneth & Keith, this country is getting way out of control with people not taking resposibility for their choices. I don't believe that all people who are fat are just lazy people who prefer taste over health, BUT A HELL OF A LOT OF THEM ARE!!! Sometimes I am one of them. But like Kenneth & Keith say, when I see and feel that extra ten pounds globbing up, I slow down on the eats and hit the gym more. But there times when I mean/want to do lose weight at five extra pounds and I don't for so many reasons... but none of them are really stopping me. Sometimes it's easier just to sit back after work and have a tasty dinner or sleep in more before work and stay cozy than to pop over to the gym for 30-45 minutes. I live in L.A. and it's hard to be among all the beautiful people who come out here to be a star, and while they're waiting to be offered a career on a platter they fill every empty space in my everyday life like big signs saying "Why aren't you this hot? Why don't you look as good as me?" It gets depressing and makes it easier for me to think 'I don't look like them. I am fat and ugly.' which makes it easier to run to the comfort of food. Then I GET OVER IT and say "Why DON'T I look like them?' and buck up and get in shape. It's hard work, but I think that's where the problem lies. It's WORK and this country is filling up with people who don't want to work. Why get in shape, when you can sit back and sue someone else because they got you fat and take their money? Kenneth & Keith are right FAT SUCKS!!!
Anonymous,
Be kind. I'm old. And fat, so my mind was in a haze. I meant Kenneth.
Sftom,
Good points. No blood, no foul. It's all good. And I also respectfully disagree with you. So what did you think about Britney's interview?
:-)
peace
BRITNEY LOOKED FAT!!!!!
Brittany - the poor girl has been rode hard and put away wet. Doesn't she have handlers anymore? Who let her go out like that?!
Sftom,
I shouldn't admit this, but I couldn't take my eyes off Britney's chest. Is there something wrong with me?
peace
you raise a good point, steve. but is it really that gray when the number of obese people in america has tripled in recent years? is everyone really like "your friend"? be serious for a second. also, i'd bet your friend has some mars bars back at home that you don't know about ... but believe what you want!
Well, that's true, anonymous -- I'm not with my friend 24/7, so anything is possible!
However, I think the growing obesity problem is not entirely due to individuals behaving irresponsibly. It also has to do with the food and restaurant industries, which has made yucky fattening fast food cheaper and more easily accessible than healthy food -- and in ever-greater quantities. It has to do with inadequate controls on what poor people can buy with government aid (I've personally seen food stamps used to purchase some SCARY groceries, and poorer people are disproportionately prone to obesity). And as I said, it has to do with ingrained cultural habits and inadequate knowledge about alternatives.
I'm not absolving everyone. There are plenty of people who just don't care, and who ought to be more vigilant about their health. But as I said, lots of gray areas.
James
I'm curious why you think Ken is making it "all about him" for wanting a seat he paid for on a plane to himself. Isn't it supposed to be "all about" the person whose seat it is?
Isn't the person who is taking up part of Ken's seat really making it "all about him/her"?
It is a complex problem that warrants discussion but you don't acknowledge any of the issues brought up like tort reform, the exploitation of overweight people who buy into schemes by unscrupulous entrepreneurs (yay, that ab-roller is going to make you lose 75 pounds!) or what healthcare costs are doing to the nation (yes, largely due to overweight people).
Never mind the fact that most of the "cracks" are clearly done tongue in cheek. You need to lighten up (pun intended).
steve is right about junk food and fast food's prevalence in urban environments, but sadly this problem is in the suburban and exurban areas just as much and that's what makes it so scary.
I've never seen so many comments to a post! I guess, Kenneth, you now know what to do to provoke people to speak.
I'm not very good about expressing my opinion on such a complex topic as obesity, but I will say that I think that most people that are overweight are that way because they eat too much and exercise too little. That said, I also think that there are also those unlucky souls who do everything right and still have a problem with weight. It is analogous to a habitual jogger who drops dead at age 30 of a heart attack.
I'd also like to congratulate Ken on using the word "myriad" correctly. It irks me when people put "of" after it. Yuck! It is not "myriad of," people!
Kristen,
When didn't I say the problem wasn't complex. In fact that was my main complaint. A complex problem has been reduced to the hassle of sitting next to a fatty. That type of rhetoric trivializes a problem that most people recognize.
As for not taking it all very seriously, well I'm the one who did talk about Britney's titties.
peace to all
OK, from the top:
This afternoon I boarded at jetblue flight in fort lauderdale and was
horrified at my middle seat assignment. My shock was compounded when I laid eyes on the bigfoot who would be my seatmate. Sitting there in the window was hundreds of pounds of excess weight.
The armrest was even up since he clearly could not sit down - in the
single seat he had paid for - with it in place.
So I proceeded to while away 2 1/2 hours, smushed into what amounted to
about 2/3 of a seat. Oh, and to make matters worse, fatso had a large
sweat rag with him so he could occasionally dab his dripping. And he kept shaking his legs and hitting mine.
I could not watch jetblue's famed seatback TV because the controls are
in the armrest, which you'll recall had to be pushed up to make room
for fat rolls 1-16.
Another fat nightmare!
We are all the same: fat people, thin people, green people, purple people etc. We all need and want to be loved. Fat people are a very easy target. Loving other people means accepting them for who they are, worts and all, including their self-destructive behaviours. I suspect, Kenneth, that you are just as hard on some aspect of yourself and have self-loathing for what you consider to be a weakness in yourself as you do for fat people and other self -destructive behaviours. Since this your blog, Kenneth, why don't you out thoise aspects of yourself that you loathe and stop kicking fat people. ALso, you are very ignorant about the human psyche and how it works. WHy don't you read some Freud, some Jung, some Fritz Perls, "I'm OK and You're OK" and grow up.
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