A Memo From the Vatican

FROM: His Holiness

TO: All seminaries

SUBJECT: While the Church approves of ordaining “transitory” homosexuals—that is, those men willing to take subways and buses rather than taxis—according to our most recent directive we “cannot admit to the priesthood those who practice homosexuality, present deeply rooted homosexual tendencies, or support the so-called ‘gay culture.’”

The following questionnaire should be used to help identify and root out such truly committed homosexuals:

QUESTION: If there were a Fox series set in the Vatican, it should star:
(a) Wilfred Brimley, as a wise, compassionate Pontiff.
(b) Jennifer Love Hewitt, as a lovely and devout young nun who can talk to martyrs.
(c) Me and Heath. Period.

Read the rest in the New Yorker here. Written by Paul Rudnick.

(Thanks, Paula!)