Sunday, October 30, 2005

Madonna's Ugly Secret

Last night I sat through much of Madonna's new documentary, "I'm Going to Tell You a Secret." It didn't take long to figure out why this film was rejected by Cannes and no distributor would touch it. It is truly an embarrassment. It was so bad that in order to get over my blushing hangover, I actually had to listen to Madonna's wonderful first couple of albums this morning to remind me why I ever even liked the Belle of Bay City.

Before you start getting all bent out of shape on me, just remember this: I adore Madonna. I always have. I eat it all up. The albums, the videos, the "Sex" book, the bad movies. All of it. But this Kabbalah-inspired, British-accented, re-invented daughter of a rabbi man routine is just beyond belief. The "fame bubble" has swallowed our girl alive, completely blinding her from seeing how ridiculous she's become. I'd always assumed that Madonna must be incredibly intelligent to have gotten this far, but this documentary really showcases how sophomoric she truly is. She spends half the film bragging about how much her ego has shrunk since she discovered Kabbalah and the other half writing junior-high poetry. And the more she talks about how much nicer she is now and how much she has grown up, the more narcissistic and shallow she comes across.

What I find most perplexing about Madonna is that given all the hype that surrounds her, you would think that Madonna the personality would be far more intriguing than Madonna the singer. Oddly, the Madonna saga is quite the opposite. Re-listening to "Physical Attraction," "Everybody" and "Burning Up" over breakfast had my boyfriend and me in a tizzy all over again. This woman knows how to write and sing a great pop song — and that's not an easy thing to do. All of her albums have been at least interesting and usually quite entertaining. Even now, I can't wait to run out and buy "Confessions on a Dance Floor."

But if "I'm Going to Tell You a Secret" was supposed to fill us in on what it's like to be Madonna in 2005, as she says it is, then I can only say this: If Mrs. Ritchie needed to join a quasi-cult at middle-age to figure out that she should treat her fellow man with dignity and respect, then this is an ugly secret that I wish she hadn't told me.


tim said...

I, too, was quite disappointed with M. I will say that her music, which is why we are here to begin with, is why I was attracted to her in the first place. It just goes to prove that whether religion or mystic babble, any type of excessive worship/belief can turn someone into a moron. And by the way, nobody worships the woman more than I do. Not even her husband.

gehrett said...

I TOTALLY agree.

Anonymous said...

Well I have to say I'm not all that surprised because I''ve always thougt Madonna was a talentless hack (no hissing please!....grin). I'm sorry but if you have to take singing lessons for a role in a movie and you are a singer, then I really can't you take seriously. Give me Sade or Annie Lennox over this tired media ho (who is also a thief too, but I'll leave that alone for the moment). Go on dog me out. I have had drinks thrown in my face after going on my anti Madonna rants (smile). Just like I never understood the jerri-curl, I will never understand why the gays even give her the time of day (for the record: I'm a proud


Anonymous said...

You made that flick sound so bad that now I HAVE to see it. I'm Going to Tell You a Secret: I'm Not Very Smart. I mean, I'll cry and cringe a lot, and probably sing "Burning Up" as "Burning Up WITH SHAME AND EMBARRASSMENT" through some of it, but as you said, the early pop never loses its magic, so I can use that to soothe me afterwards.

Anonymous said...

you people know nothing about kabbalah. why don't you do about 8 seconds of research before spouting your hole off. it's not a religion, it's not a cult, it's not mysticism, it's not worship, it's not an alternative to scientology. in basic terms, it's about not judging people, and not being over-reactive to things that piss you off.

i can't believe people were expecting to see her felate another evian bottle or something. go watch truth or dare for that. if you're the same person you are in 12 years, then how boring your life must be. she's got kids now for chrissake.

i thought parts of it were extremely touching, especially in the end when she was crying because she couldn't spend much time with her dancers because she was older now and had a family to tend to.

Anonymous said...

That's exactly what's being criticized here, Mr. Anonymous Retard: that NO ONE -- Madonna included -- should have to "find" enlightenment to figure out a way to not be a judgmental bitch. (She wants an award for this realization?)

Did you not read the post? Who said anything about WANTING to see her give head to a water bottle.

Learn how to read.

sergionline said...

She doesn't really write her own music!