Sunday, June 02, 2013

Family Style

Dinner at Mario Batali's Otto pizzeria with my visiting mother and stepfather (Gary) -- and those two couples from Arizona they brought for no reason are traveling with (Paul and Judy; Jim and Carol) -- went well last night, other than the fact that they couldn't quite figure out what anything on the "confusing" menu was.

Judy: "So fancy! What did you say this kind of food is called again, Kenny?"

Me: "Italian?"

Paul kept trying to Olive Garden down all of the entrees on the menu ...

"Instead of this Bucatini all'Amatriciana stuff, can I get spaghetti with marinara sauce?"

... and no one could pick a wine off the list to save their lives.

Carol: "Can I have a glass of the house white?"

Waiter: "We don't really have a house wine." [Bitchy -for-no-reason eye roll]

Afterward -- at all of 8 o'clock on a bright and beautiful evening, most of their first-ever in New York City -- we strolled through Washington Square Park a few minutes before asking if they wanted to take a walk through the Village, or if they were tired and wanted to call it a night. Five seconds after saying yes to the walk, Paul and Gary started acting extremely put-out and began to repeatedly ask "how far" we were from the subway. (I'm not sure what these other big plans they had were, but they were awfully worried about getting there.) By the 30th time they asked (with Carol now joining in), Michael had had enough and escorted them to station on 14th Street. (That's a walk from 8th Street to 14th -- the little blocks -- and I get to see Mom once or twice a year.) That it wasn't the exact same subway they had arrived on sent three-quarters of them into TOTAL PANIC mode, but what can you do? (We're slated to go with everyone to a Broadway show on Tuesday.)

Mom was the only one being fun and wanted to stay, but her back was hurting -- Gary told Michael "major surgery" was imminent, but he also told me and my friend Mark that there was a "75 percent chance" that Mom would die on the operating table when she went in for a routine hysterectomy in '83, so I took this with a grain of salt -- so she headed back with the Eloy Bunch.

All in all a good night, except for Gary asking me at the beginning of dinner if he and Mom had "anything to be worried about" in my book -- and letting me know that he has a lawyer lined up just in case ... ha-ha.


Anonymous said...

On the plus side Judy did not use the expression "fancy-schmancy" !

Anonymous said...

kenneth, i only wish i had time with my parents and their friends in my adult life - you are a lucky man.

Mike said...

Your mother's husband has a lawyer lined up in the event he doesn't like something you say about them in your upcoming book? Well, what a nice way to start dinner. I'll agree with the other comment about our ability to have dinner with our parents in our adult lives but dining with MY parents does test my patience no matter how much I love them.

Despairing Thyrsis said...

You are adorable, I love this entry.

Chad said...

Sounds like a great start to the trip... love your humorous take on this. Sounds like when my parents visit and I take them to the "fancy" restaurants. Good luck with the Broadway show. And Gary's lawyer. Yikes! ;)