In case you missed it, there's a must-read piece in the Sunday Times, about a handsome and successful gay therapist in Manhattan, who seemingly out of nowhere committed suicide in January. Bob Bergeron, 49, was on the brink of publishing his first book, "The Right Side of Forty: The Complete Guide to Happiness for Gay Men at Midlife and Beyond," a project he tirelessly worked on for Don Weise's Magnus Books. Though he never exhibited even the slightest hint of depression, Bergeron seemed to unravel as the book came closer to going to press, suddenly convinced that its appeal would be too narrow and that it had already become outdated before it even came out because it focused so much on Internet hookups when Grindr and Scruff had recently become more in fashion. (BTW: This isn't the first time I've heard of a writer becoming despondent when he realizes getting published doesn't necessarily mean your life changes.)
The whole story is utterly fascinating -- even his own mother could see that the manuscript could easily be fixed -- but somewhere along the lines Bergeron, whose good looks had been a source of ambivalence throughout his adulthood, decided the only way to maintain happiness in midlife was to get no older. Completely tragic and completely gripping reporting by Jacob Bernstein: "There is something particularly resonant about Mr. Bergeron’s tale. Here was a man who ended his life at the exact moment he seemed to be nearing a professional peak, one that involved the upbeat story of a mature gay man facing the second half of his life with enthusiasm, hope and an endless array of tight T-shirts." Read HERE.
Mr. Bergeron's book will not be released.
To Shirt or Not to Shirt: Bob discusses where older men can still be "sex objects."
9 comments:
Why is this getting so much press? There are people with mental/suicidal issues who do the same everyday. After 40 is HOT. Just today, I saw a guy in the grocery store who was clearly in his 50s and he was *amazingly* hot. Didn't need a book to instruct me on that attraction...
Just in regards to the previous comment, not everyone who commits suicide meets the criteria for suffering from mental illness. I believe that this is one of the angles driving the story of Bob Bergeron. Was he mentally-ill? He was clearly very stressed about the relevance of his book. He may have met the criteria for what we call an Adjustment Disorder; however, I suppose we will never really know what drove Mr. Bergeron to take his life.
As a psychiatrist, I have seen a larger shift over the past two to three years in which I've had to assess people to have either expressed suicidal ideation or made attempts, only to discover that they were not suffering from a mental illness. In two such cases, the patients made a choice to attempt to end their lives rather than face impending Court cases, both involving allegations of sexual abuse towards children. One patient had no yet gone to trial and the other had been convicted and was awaiting sentencing.
Hence, here is my professional observation. For many and various reasons, some people make a choice to end their life rather than face another outcome (going to prison, losing a relationship, getting older, etc.) We should be very careful about labeling people as mentally-ill just because they end their own life. There is a great potential to continue stigma by lumping all suicides under the same etiology. Sadly, some very rational people weight all of their options and then commit suicide.
Maybe he had a rare moment of insight and realized how pathetic and ridiculous his life and his obsession with trying to be something he was not, i.e. young, was. Too bad he didn't age with grace, class and dignity, as so many people are able to do. And "incredibly beautiful"? Not seeing it.
All the attention on this guy must be indicative of some type of New York navel-gazing most of the country has no time for.
Bergeron seems like his biggest problem was that he was worried about losing his looks. He was a Chelsea pretty boy at one time. Seems like people are kinda lumping all gays into this one pile: you'll kill yourself one day. Honestly is his suicide a surprise? Remaining a sex object when older?
To Anonymous at 10:59 a.m.: You're right about the "incredibly beautiful" thing. I think I was swept up in the moment because it talked about his beauty when he was younger. I'd say he was still very handsome till the end.
As for this only being a New York navel-gazing -- made YOU look! Are you one of us?
Guess I'll just skip this book...
Try being mid 30's and looking like hell...I'm depressed now...
K,
Thanks for posting this. I'll be reading this at the gym in Sobe.
Mr. Bergeron deserves much compassion. Just because the psychiatrist doesn't believe he meets criteria for a DSM-IV diagnosis, doesn't mean there's not pathology involved, in this case, primarily with a society that suffers from and victimizes with homophobia and a gay culture that buys into very narrow ideas of what it means to be lovable. As a therapist of 20 years, however, it seems to me this wonderful person suffered from major depression, and likely suffered from it much of his life, while being very adept at hiding it behind the facade of beauty and success. This is actually not uncommon, though, the story suggests this is out-of-the-ordinary, and it plays this angle in a highly distorted, sensationalistic way. I think most enlighted persons, in reading, the story, could see that Mr. Bergeron suffered not just at the end but to a considerable degree throughout his life.
It gets better?
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