Tuesday, March 27, 2012

"MDN...oh, never mind!"

*This post is being made by "KIT212" guest blogger, Christopher 

Just heard from Kenneth.  He’s busy getting “lei’d” near Enola Gay’s Splish Splash Bar and Grill. While he’s away, I figured I’d take the opportunity to be downright rancid.   

I’m sure by now everyone who is going to buy “MDNA” has already gotten his or her copy. Unfortunately, It’s not looking like Madonna is going to get the hit album she may have wanted. In fact, the iTunes and Amazon.com charts show that Lionel Richie, yes, Lionel fuckin’ Richie, holds the number one spot with his “honkey tonk” tinged Greatest Hits package “Tuskegee.”  After hearing that mess, I think I’ve come down with Syphilis in my ears as a result of his “Tuskegee Experiment.”  The banjo inspired version of "Dancin' on the Ceiling" is enough to cause explosive diarrhea.  How he got to number one without recently dropping dead beats me.   But I digress…  Now before you start writing me all kinds of hate mail, I like "MDNA."  It’s  fun .  I’ve  been listening to it quite a bit.  With that said, it has some of the most ridiculous lyrics I’ve heard in awhile and all the electronic vocoder effects left me a bit cold.  In my opinon, the best songs are the few ballads included on the set. “Falling Free” is a small slice of musical genius .  It makes me ache for a new collaboration with Patrick Leonard or Stephen Bray.  I admit, I'm an old fan.  Literally.

I am glad that she’s back to dressing like a complete wanton slut.  I’ve always had a soft spot in my heart for tramps.  She certainly still has the body to wear hot pants.  However, the face is starting to look a bit like Betty White.  When I saw the video to “Girl Gone Wild” complete with her giving a yeast infection to sexy male dancers in their 20’s;  I was reminded of Mae West in “Sextette.”  What do you think??


Anonymous said...

At the bottom of your keyboard there is a big button. It's bigger than the rest of the buttons. This button is called the space bar and it inserts spaces betweenthewordsyoutype.

Christopher said...

Thanks. . . . .now, DUCK!!

Christopher said...

thanks. . . . .have to say I like the new one from Mr Richie. Have to agree with MDNA comments (suggest you now DUCK!)

Christopher said...

Why am I ducking? You have explosive diarrhea from listening to Lionel's album??

Matthew Rettenmund said...

Yeah, poor Madonna will have to settle for being number one on Billboard with this album...definitely not a hit.

You Oughtta Know said...

"With that said, it has some of the most ridiculous lyrics I’ve heard in awhile"

This is really saying something for Madonna, possibly the worst lyricist in pop music.

jeffreychrist said...

I'm surprised how much I enjoyed the new Lionel Richie album. Seriously surprised.

While I heard MDNA once, and enjoyed it, if on her audacity alone, my own personal diarrhea story comes after listening - nay, suffering - through her last CD HARD CANDY. That was one of the more painful bowel dysfunctions I've had the grave misfortune to suffer through.

Johnny Diaz said...

Fun read, as always Chachi!
I think you nailed it on your prediction that this won't be the hit MDNA was looking for. (A friend gave me a copy of the CD and it sounds like a lot of her other songs from over the years.)

Anonymous said...

Keep in mind two things. First, physical sales are still much higher for albums than digital sales, so rankings on itunes give you a general idea of trends on a very timely basis, but not the overall picture.

And second, Amazon ranks sales when they happen, including pre-orders. So the ranking right now only takes into account sales that fall within the specific period of time being measured. That's how MDNA is able to have spent 51 days in Amazon's top 100, even though the album was released yesterday.

Finally, the Billboard chart will include sales for the entire week, Monday through Sunday. Pre-orders are included in the first week of sales since that is when the album ships.

So certainly, MDNA should chart higher than Lionel Richie on new the chart in about a week and a half. Whether she will be able to overtake Adele or the Hunger Games soundtrack is another story.

It doesn't help that the first two singles have been horrible (GMAYL) or charted poorly (GGW). I think they should push "Falling Free" to AC and Adult Top 40 to start building that track with people who like similar styles of music.

Anonymous said...

Matthew is right again. Everyone knows having a Number One Billboard album automatically makes it a hit. If you recall, AMERICAN LIFE was a "hit" all around the globe!

Anonymous said...

Lyrics worse than "I want to singy singy singy on a wingy wingy wingy"?? I (don't) want to hear this! God she's old and tired.

Matthew Rettenmund said...

Yeah, it looks on track to only sell 300,000 to 350,000 units in its first week, a huge improvent over Hard Candy. "Anonymous" (why are people so afraid to voice opinions?) is right...there's no way the album could be called a hit. :) Sorry so many here dislike it; most fans seem to be eating it up (unlike HC)

Anonymous said...


I post anonymously because my life is not the internet's business. Same reason I don't have a facebook page.

I'm the "Anonymous" who wrote the longer diatribe about itunes and Amazon rankings. I also have a copy of your book "Totally Awesome 80's". I gave a copy of it to my brother, too.

How does one determine if MDNA is/ will be a "hit"? Number of copies sold? Chart peak? Critical reviews?

If a new artist sells 500,000 copies of a debut album, it is usually considered a hit (at least in the US), but if Madonna (or other big hit artists) sell "only" 500,000 copies of her latest album, it is considered a flop. All expectations.

I think when people talk about it being a "hit", it is more of the idea that is brings her back to widespread radio play and sales beyond her core audience.

I think the radio environment at this time is right for this record, but it is a matter of radio people taking a chance on it. Like in the late 80's when Donny Osmond had a mini-revival with "Soldier of Love" and a couple of other top 30 hits. or Cher with "Believe". That's why I think "Falling Free" should be pushed to radio.

I'm not a Madonna fan (have only one album, "Something to Remember"), but I am always interested in music and the charts.