Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Nixon Embroiled in Choice-gate Scandal

A dark cloud over little miss Sunshine

I have repeatedly read Cynthia Nixon's "controversial" comments about her sexuality and it's still completely baffling to me that someone seemingly so smart and so articulate doesn't realize what she's saying is not only counterproductive, it's simply incorrect. ACTING ON any sexual desire is -- OF COURSE -- a "choice." Nuns choose not to have sex with anyone. I choose to have sex with men. What is NOT a choice is what causes us to innately have these feelings and desires to begin with, whether they are straight, gay or bisexual (yes, Cynthia, bisexuals are included too). She's either conflating things, is trying to be "her own person" or is just plain stupid. (You're ADMITTING you were born bisexual, yet have some hangup with the term so you're insisting on calling it a choice! Who knew Miranda and Marcus Bachmann were kindred spirits?) But whatever the case, she's really making a fool out of herself and doing all of us a huge disservice, and not for "I'm the victim here" reasons she thinks.

Or try this:

Nixon was BORN bisexual & (currently) CHOOSES to be in a gay relationship. Not the same thing as choosing TO BE gay.

13 comments:

501bob said...

She may feel she had a choice, but that would make her Bi. Comments like her's feed homophobes.
I never had a choice and never wanted one. When it comes to sex a woman does not enter my thoughts.

Ken Boesem said...

I've been a queer community activist and leader for most of my almost 40+ years and I'm happy to tell you that Cynthia Nixon is not only beautiful, lucid, and deeply intelligent but she is unhappily also 100% correct! It is equally 100% an individual's choice to self identify, as what, and nobody else's. It may piss you off that you don't get to tell Cynthia what she is or tell me what I am but as a self-identified bisexual I can tell you that most straight and gay people will have no qualms about trying to do so if the word 'bisexual' is even uttered in conversation. It is usually followed on a good day by an eye-roll, an obnoxious "Pfft!" or a "Whatever!" and on a bad day by a long soul/energy sucking tirade about how and why you are not what you really are but are actually this other thing that if they shut up and listened to you for five minutes about they'd know that you're totally not. Sadly, even when we try to speak our truth we are usually belittled (as in your insulting over the top headline), silenced and disbelieved. Over the decades, I've co-founded LGBTQ Pride in one city, founded queer student and youth groups in smaller communities, been on many boards of queer organizations large and small and I currently work at the beating heart of the gay community in the city where I live now and even I won't go out of my way to say I'm bisexual because it's not worth the rude, invasive and abusive bullshit most gay people feel they have a right to loudly pontificate about and heap on us while completely ignoring the fact that they sound for all the world like the most bigoted homophobe they ever encountered themselves...sometimes even verbatim! With the exception of trans people (and can we all stop kicking them too, please?), nobody but bisexuals are as regularly and pretty damned consistently maligned and "disbelieved" by straights and gays alike. It is not a phase or a refusal to "admit" that we are "one or the other" because ***Insert News Flash Here*** sexuality is not a dichotomy...it's a continuum...and we are all over it in ways the people on either end rarely ever experience! In my own experience, I have to say, using ALL CAPS excessively in your argument is infinitely more immature and less intelligent than anything Cynthia Nixon said about who she chooses to love and frankly, is pretty much indicative of just the kind of aggression she and other people who are bisexuals (not gay and not straight) are talking about feeling whenever this issue is raised. Maybe you should try listening sometime instead of 'reacting,' if only to the way the word 'bisexual' is usually used. Sometimes it's simply an identifier but most often it's not if you actually are a bisexual. For many "bisexuals" the word itself is problematic because, quite frankly, it is most frequently hissed at us or spoken under breath as an insult in a similarly hateful way that homophobes wield the word "faggot."

Mark from NYC said...

She's usually so smart, but this time... I think there's some other agenda here. Either not wanting to diss her past male partners, or some sort of Anne Heche-like foot out the door. But there's some ambivalence on Nixon's part about her sexuality. I agree with 501bob, she's probably Bi and doesn't want to say so because her partner finds it threatening, or something. But look you late-to-the-party lesbians! Don't screw it up for the rest of us for whom it's not a choice. Spend a little time in the trenches before you decide to queer the mix for the rest of us (pun intended!)

Kenneth Walsh said...

@Ken: HUH? (All caps, for maximum "immaturity.") Again, like Cynthia I think you are conflating things. No one suggested bisexuality isn't real or that anyone has to defend their right to be bisexual. (I'm starting to think the scorn bisexuals report -- which I believe wholeheartedly -- has caused many of them to have such a huge chip on their shoulders that they are unable to listen to what is actually being said.)

To be clear, what I said was I don't think anyone "chooses" to be bisexual any more than someone "chooses" to be straight or gay. We were all born this way -- whichever way we are -- including bisexuals. Do you even disagree with this? It honestly doesn't sound like you read what I wrote.

P.S. I think it's HILARIOUS that you think I should "try listening" more when you left a comment that is 350 words LONGER than my original post!

Chad said...

Well said, Kenneth. I wish Cynthia would read this. I agree with you... we CHOOSE our sexual partners and what feelings and desires to act on. But those attractions are not a choice. I think that explanation is great.

Sasparilla said...

@Ken Boesem

No one sensible is arguing that it isn't perfectly her choice, as a bisexual woman, to be in a relationship with the person she loves, regardless of gender.

The reaction is to her saying that being gay is a choice. The reaction is to her using the very words that the other side of this issue use to justify the deepest, most vile hatred against us. The reaction is to her being so blatantly dismissive of the hurt that the whole "gay is a choice" mentality has caused and continues to cause to so many people.

I don't care about her bisexuality. I don't have any problem with her ability to have intimate relationships with men and/or women. That is how her brain is wired, that is who she is. What I care about is that as a prominent member of the LGBT community, she is purposefully using confusing, incorrect language because she feels like she should be able to and it shouldn't matter.

And in fact it shouldn't matter, but it does. Words matter, and she chose hers poorly.

John in DC said...

Well given her taste in men, I mean women, one needs to consider the source I guess.

Matt S said...

I think people are misunderstanding the question, much as people very much misunderstand what being gay is. Being gay is being much more strongly attracted to people of the same sex than people of the opposite sex. Being straight is being much more strongly attracted to people of the opposite sex than people of the same sex. Being bi is being roughly equivalently attracted to people of each sex.

Whom you have sex with doesn't technically affect your true orientation. Being gay for pay doesn't make you gay, for example, any more than Heath Ledger is gay for kissing a guy in a movie. What makes you gay is whom you are attracted to, plain and simple.

Now, no one else can know what is in Cynthia Nixon's head, but she tells us how she prefers the company of women to men, that gay is "better" to her. THAT is what gay is.

Yes, you can choose to sleep with the opposite sex and lie to yourself and others about your true attraction if you choose to, but why should anyone choose something that?

Unknown said...

Cynthia Nixon should be praised for telling her truth. I think she is probably right. SOME people do choose and happily so. As a 'Kinsey 6' however, her truth is not mine. I understand her, though, and I believe her.

James Greenlee said...

I think just about anybody who believes they have a choice over which sex they are attracted to is by definition bisexual. The only problem people have with what Cynthia Nixon said is that she defines herself as gay, rather than a bisexual currently with a woman. Maybe she'll clarify? Or, maybe she just enjoys stirring shit up.

And to the other Ken: Yes, I understand that male bisexuals have to fight for their place in the LGBTQIETC alphabet soup. Probably because so many of us know gay men who tiptoed out of the closet by calling themselves bisexuals. I don't deny your existence, but I'm not sure I've met one of you!

pnyorker said...

Funny how other people still get confused between being gay and the love of cunnilingus.

Sam said...

You are wrong on this one. Sorry.

bv said...

Sam: Oh, really?
http://www.advocate.com/News/Daily_News/2012/01/30/Cynthia_Nixon_Being_Bisexual_Is_Not_a_Choice/

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