Was completely mesmerized by Chaz Bono's appearance on Oprah yesterday. Normally when I watch celebrity interviews, I provide my (delightful) commentary through the whole thing. (Ask Michael, he just looooooves it!) This time, all I wanted to do was listen, absorb and understand every single word, pause and facial expression as it unfolded. Before I say anything else I should admit that I was wrong about the "Chaz situation." It's not like admitting I was wrong about something is hard for me or anything -- just ask my boyfriend of nine years about that time I was wrong (about the Cash for Clunkers program) and I owned right up to it -- but it is a bit shocking when something turns out to be so far from your comfort zone. In short, I was skeptical -- as was Rosie O'Donnell and many other people -- of someone going from being homosexual to transsexual, a HUGE distinction that the LGBT world has fought for ages to make. Nothing annoys me more than seeing idiots on talk shows who can't grasp the difference between being attracted to the same sex, and wanting to become the opposite sex -- and part of me believed Chaz couldn't accept being gay, so convinced himself, in a drug-abusing state, that being a straight man was the answer to all of his problems. In my "defense," Chaz confessed that even he did not connect the dots until he was about 30. (He grew up feeling more like a boy, but accepted the idea that he was a butch lesbian and was OK with that for a while.) And being more familiar with male sexuality -- which, like it or not, seems to be much more black and white than female -- I was used to EVERY transwoman I've ever met or heard about being 100 percent certain they were trapped in the wrong body for as long as they could remember. So having lived through Chastity's whole "coming out" process, something seemed off. (In his new memoir, he describes his realization as a "process of elimination," which suddenly made perfect sense to me.) But hearing that he then spent the next 10 years agonizing over whether to transition or not was truly heartbreaking, and helps explain an adult life spent as an addict, with myriad personal issues. I really appreciated Chaz's comments about his parents -- dispelling the myth that Sonny was more accepting by explaining that it had as much to do with her (Chastity) being what he wanted in a child as it did not being the girly-girl Cher long for and was culturally groomed to expect -- and how patient he is with them (and society) in slowing going through the process of acceptance. (Smart man.)
Really looking forward to watching "Becoming Chaz" tonight on OWN. (Gee, could Oprah have plugged OWN any more last night?!!!!) One more thing, though -- and I'll brace myself for the backlash -- but what I (still) don't get, and what I think clouded my belief in his revelation, is why finding his true self hasn't naturally led to some weight loss. I'm honestly not trying to be catty, but NO ONE is that obese without carrying around A LOT of baggage, and somehow it still seems a bit off that he's finally gotten to where he wants to be, yet still appears to be in so much agony. (I am sorry, but NO ONE is truly comfortable in their skin when it's that packed with fat.) I'm hoping someone addresses this elephant in the room in the film. (No pun intended ... oh, fuck it, pun INTENDED!) Clip HERE.
9 comments:
Losing weight the "proper" way - with a controlled diet and lots of daily exercise - is hard enough all on its own. I can't imagine trying to deal with what Chaz has been through coming to terms with sexuality and gender identity, family pressures, added media scrutiny, the medical process of transitioning, etc. Stress only makes weight loss harder. I know with all that, I would probably want to reach often for the Hagen Daz and wouldn't feel like getting on an elliptical for an hour. (Disclaimer: I don't deal with any of that stuff and STILL eat Hagen Daz and dread the elliptical.) Hopefully, as Chaz gets happier, more comfortable and less stressed, weight loss will follow. This isn't "Extreme Makeover: Gender edition." (Though I'd be surprised if someone in Hollywood isn't thinking that'd be a great idea ... if only Logo had the capital.) Unless he goes for more surgery, weight loss would take years.
I don't think people have to be very screwed up at all to be that overweight. I mean, most people are screwed up. Skinny people are sometimes pretty fuckin' nutso themselves. When I was 248 pounds, I was fat just out of laziness and aggressively, obnoxiously poor diet and lack of exercise, then once I realized how fat I was, it was just hard because there was so much weight to lose. So...in my experience, depending on one's genes and metabolism (yours is clearly more forgiving than mine), I think it's pretty easy to get and stay fat.
I *do* bristle when people say they're happy being obese; that I think is b.s.
But also, I think Chaz's story has nothing to do with weight at this moment.
I find it interesting that his going from gay to transsexual irked you. I don't judge you for it, and your explanation is great and useful. I've always been very interested in gender issues and tend to just accept whatever someone says about the state they're in. I do find it very interesting the difference between men who transition and want to simply be female and men who are draggy glamazons who transition and continue to be draggy glamazons, brimming with camp. Very different people.
I'm fat and stressed about it...
I think that for some FTM people, fat is very functional. It hides feminine hips and can make your arms looks fuller and more masculine. That's probably not why Chaz is fat, but it might be part of the reason why the weight is staying on.
Just saw the doc tonight. One thing that shocked me is that Chaz had to borrow the money for the surgery from friends. Can you imagine the amount of fortune Cher has. And she doesn't take care of her kids? That just seems so odd to me. Am I the only one?
Yeah, you're not alone. I still have a hard time wrapping my mind around the concept of physical gender being mutable. Fortunately, I don't have to understand it, nor do I know that I really want to, so I'm probably not going to view this movie. It's not my body and therefore not my concern. In my opinion, folks can do whatever they like.
Ken,
I find this interesting reading. Please re-introduce this subject time to time. Thanks!
Weight gain is a normal side effect of F to M hormone therapy.
Hey Will - I've read and heard elsewhere that Chaz purposely did not ask Cher or other family members for financial assistance because he wanted to own his transition. I applaud him for his strength and courage. The documentary was riveting, heartbreaking, and ultimately very uplifting.
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