Roseanne Barr Syndrome

Anyone see Roseanne Barr on Oprah yesterday? Honest to god, it was one of the craziest things I have ever seen in my life. For those who don't know, I think "Roseanne" is the best sitcom since the '70s heyday of Mary Tyler Moore and Bob Newhart, but I have never known what to make of its star's public persona. Yesterday's interview did little to change that.

First off, it was hard for me to see Roseanne be so intimidated by Oprah. If nothing else, Roseanne is famous for being outspoken and not caring what anything thinks about her, but there was little evidence of that during yesterday's chat. The way she turned into a teenage girl explaining how she thought Oprah "hated her" for lashing out at her (Oprah) over her (Oprah's) support of Barack Obama rather than Hillary (Roseanne's choice) was like watching a made-for-TV movie about crazy woman -- oh, wait! -- fingers in her mouth as she spoke, barely over a whisper. It was particularly nauseating that she went so far as to say that she now believes we have the right president for the time we're in -- to which Oprah replied "thank you"! (You're not the president, Oprah. Just in case you're not clear!)

The stuff about the arm-wrestling match was kind of HILARIOUS, but ONLY if you assumed Roseanne was just kidding (as Oprah had) that she believed Oprah had "cheated." (I don't think Roseanne was.) Roseanne was going on and on about rewatching the tape and her kids saying that Oprah didn't stand up until after the match and then it turns out Roseanne is the ONLY one standing -- and it's DURING the match! It was cute that they both laughed about it, yet it was disturbing how out of touch with reality Roseanne was. (But I loved how you saw into Oprah's World a bit as she bit tried to act like she wasn't aware of what was being said about her in the media/blogosphere, but then it became clear she was completely aware.)

Now to the more serious charges about incest. At first, it seemed Roseanne was completely recanting everything she'd said about her parents sexually abusing her, saying she'd been hoodwinked into believing some book she read that said if you have a sense you were molested, then you probably were. Again, she morphed into a little girl (so Sybil) and would never actually come out and say what she was trying say. (Kudos to Oprah for doing her job and trying to pry it out of her, but even then it wasn't entirely clear.) There was a lot of blaming therapists, blaming "strong" medications, blaming stress, blaming her bad relationship with Tom Arnold and wishing she'd "waited" till her therapy was over before saying anything. Sister Geraldine -- her lesbian sister on whom Jackie is based -- stood up in the audience at one point and was still visibly shaken by what the long-ago ordeal had done to her family (imagine picking up People magazine one day and reading that you grew up in a house of incest -- something you never heard about once prior to this).

Then it went from recanting to saying it wasn't "exactly" incest, but that it was the only word she could come up with to describe the "creepy" things that her father did -- and that she'd continue to use it until she thought of a better word. (Huh???)

This is where I wished Oprah had done her homework better. From what I remember, Roseanne claimed her father masturbated in front of the kids in the living room, which I could see being not sure what to call -- not technically "incest," but a complete violation and certainly "sexual abuse." This would jibe with what she's saying -- except I can't imagine if that were true she would be recanting at all. (Exposing a perv for jerking off in front of the television with his kids in the room is not something you'd later feel bad about!) All I can think is that maybe her dad changed in front of the kids or went to the bathroom with the door open -- things that maybe weren't sexual, but merely inappropriate and made her feel uncomfortable.

But I also thought she claimed she remembered being finger-fucked in her crib by one of both parents. Um, that IS incest, not that you could POSSIBLY remember such a thing. So again, why forgive if something serious went on, whatever you call it.

It was at this point it became readily clear to me -- something that others have be aware of for years: Roseanne is just bat-shit crazy. But even that isn't a black and white issue. She pointed to "some degree of mental illness" as a factor in her impetuous claims against her parents, but the context made it sound more like an excuse than an admission. Throughout history, many gifted people have had a touch of the crazies -- and I consider her sitcom to be pure genius. To look at her, you could easily say Roseanne Barr is the victim of a toxic combination of mental illness and fame. But I'm not entirely convinced the former would have ever had its moment in the sun if not for the latter. I think a lot of people forget just how famous Roseanne Barr was there for nearly a decade, like Elizabeth Taylor, Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears rolled into one. And now she strikes me as suffering from more of a fame-induced insanity -- toxic celebrity syndrome -- where you're secluded from the real world and everyone says yes to everything you say or do (think Kelly Killoren Bensimon times a zillion!). Rather than mellowing with old age, this condition seems to lessen as the level of fame fades, perhaps explaining her sheepish behavior around the ever-popular Ms. Winfrey

Best part of the interview: The moment you could almost see Oprah check out right there on stage and think to herself, "Damn -- I'm so glad this never happened to me when I got rich and famous. This bitch is nuts!"

And speaking of nuts. Note to Lifetime, which has ordered a reality show about Roseanne's nut farm in Hawaii: Roseanne already had a reality show that got canceled after two episodes because her real life DOES NOT make for good TV. Now if Andy Cohen were involved ...