Friday, September 11, 2009



Not a whole lot of drama on tonight's Project Runway so this might be a quick recap... As opposed to my usual overly long ramblings, so bear with me! Again, spoiler alert so STOP reading if you haven't already watched.

In attendance at the Park Slope Party Pad: Me, Craig, Dan, Nick, Adam, Jay, and Saskia. We lost Scott to a gig (catering), Jason to Berlin (Germany), and Tim to Manhattan (West Village) where he recently moved... I fear we'll never see him again.

Tonight's challenge: "Create an eye-catching look for your model to wear to an Industry Event." Or whatever Heidi actually said. I wrote down, "Make all of these women very, very happy." The basic jist is: each designer's model tells them what they'd like to wear, and the designer has to design it (bitch!)

During the 30 minute "caucusing" session, looks of panic graced almost every designer's face. From Irina's rather vapid (yet pretty) model exclaiming, "Yes! I love my back!" to Shirin's model proclaiming she wanted a royal blue jumpsuit trimmed with gold rope, the designers knew they were in for a challenging challenge.

With a $100 budget, we rushed off to Mood. Epperson had the hardest time finding orange fabric to create his model's tiger-inspired look, to go with her tiger's mane, as she put it. (I think she meant lion. Again, a very pretty girl!) He settled for brown, hoping his model would trust his judgment.

The red flag (we're still hoping for pink!) went up for Logan when his model, Kojii, started talking leather and lace and wanting to push him in a new direction. To which Adam replied, "I'd like to push you in a new direction." Adam's b/f Nick responded, "Logan's cute, but he's got no personality." To which Adam replied, "So?"

Back at the work room, a glimpse of "Beard Boy" (aka Christopher) made Adam wonder, "Is he immune?" (I think he meant, "doesn't he have immunity?") The answer would be no, as last week's winner, you will recall, was Ra'mon. FYI, Adam isn't usually this silly -- he'd just had a few Sam Adams Lights by this point as we started with Top Chef: Las Vegas an hour earlier.

Right before the first commerical break, Tim Gunn made the rounds dolling out the advice. One of the designers (which one?) obviously disappointed him. To which Nick replied, "I could watch a whole show of Padma [Lakshmi, host of Top Chef] and Tim being disappointed."

Highlights of Tim's talk with the designers include:

"Without Nipples" (aka Althea) telling Tim she wants to make a "cigarette jacket." (Tim corrects her with "smoking jacket?")

Tim to Epperson: "Be Epperson."

Tim to Qristyl: "...looks like she's been rolling around in bed."

Logan to Tim: "Smurf prom dress."

Tim to Carol Hannah: "You're robbing your client of her youth." (Dan to Carol Hannah: "Run into the light, Carol Hannah!" I think he meant, "Go into the light, Carol Anne.")

A tear-filled "moment" of Epperson phoning home, gave us pause as Nick predicted Epperson would be "aut." (By now we all know the formula!) Dan predicted some cameraman had lost his job for failing to show which model "smart-phone" Epperson was phoning-home on. (What? No product endorsement for Sidekick?) I opted to give Epperson the "Ricky Award" for the night, but was vetoed as his tears weren't flowing heavily enough.

"The Day of the Show, Y'all!"

Adam decides that Johnny's dress makes his model look "dowdy."

Nick decides that Christopher's emerald green number looks like two upside down lampshades.

Dan decides that something looked like a "dead bird." (Logan's model's hat, maybe?)

Irina informs us in her "confessional" that Althea's look is "crap." (Spoiler alert! Apparently crap is hot, Irina.)

At the second commerical break, we hear Heidi tell someone they aged their model (I believe) 15 years. Which in the model world is "like dog years!" Our bets were placed on Qristyl. (I prayed she'd get the boot just so I wouldn't have to spell her name anymore! "i before y?")

Tonight's judges include: Mark Bower (or is it Marc Bouwer? I had to look it up). No idea who he is! I think he looks like a Barry Manilow wannabe with a much smaller (I didn't say "realer") nose. Craig thinks he looks like "the love child of Sigfried and Roy." Zoe Glassner, Marie Claire editor (I think). And... Jennifer Rade, apparently a stylist (with a much less-real looking nose than Barry Manilow wannabe!)

Okay... What happened to Nina Garcia, and where the hell is Michael Kors?! (We're all thinking "New York City" where they work and live... So much for moving the show to LA!)

Park Slope Party-goers faves include: Nicolas (though Saskia wonders if the model's boob is going to fall out), Gordana, and Epperson. (Somone makes a comment that Johnny's is a "wrinkly mess.")

Blah blah blah... Walking walking walking. Heidi sends 7 designers away, leaving us with...

Top 3: Carol Hannah , Epperson (tiger), Althea (crap)

Bottom 3: Logan ("cheap and tacky prom"), Qristyl ("model looks too old"), Johnny ("bridesmaid")

Personally, I thought stylist Jennifer Rade came across a bit too harsh. She told Logan that she liked his silver pants and sneakers, but that was about it. She also said the most interesting thing about Johnny's look was the handbag -- compliments of the Macy' wall.

And the winner is... "Without Nipples." (aka, Althea.)

We were all a bit surprised and confused by this. (As, I'm sure was Irina!) The so-called three-piece "suit" looked a lot like a diaper worn with a jacket. But all of the judges insisted they would wear it... Including Barry Manilow wannabe guy.

Next, Heidi sends Johnny backstage. "Safe." Leaving Logan and Miss Qristyl... So we all know who's going home. Ain't no way they're "auffing" the hot (straight) guy.

"Bye-bye Qristyl with a Q!" It's been fun -- though not having to remember how to spell your name.

Project Runway airs at 10pm ET on Lifetime TV.

*FRANK ANTHONY POLITO is a Brooklyn-based writer and author of the novels Band Fags! and Drama Queers! He is currently developing both books for TV.

1 comment:

Kap said...

Frank, I am LOVING your commentary!!!

My favs were Althea's, Beard boy, and Gordana.

Logan's was way tackier than Qristyl's,k but given his model was so out there with her challenge, he scraped in.