Holy Crap

So besides paying for butt sex 'n' tina with gay prostitute Mike Jones and sending out letters to friends asking for money in exchange for a tacit promise that contributors would go to heaven, it seems Ted Haggard also had a full-time lover, a young man who volunteered at the New Life Church where the disgraced disgusting preacher man once ruled. An Associated Press report claims that Haggard was involved in an “inappropriate, consensual sexual relationship” that “went on for a long period of time … it wasn’t a one-time act,” according to Brady Boyd, the pastor who succeeded Haggard. Unlike Jones, however, the AP reports "the church reached a legal settlement to pay the man for counseling and college tuition, with one condition being that none of the parties involved discuss the matter publicly."

Tired and Haggard: No, he won't go away. "The Trials of Ted Haggard" is coming to HBO soon, and you can be sure this drama queen will be loving every minute of the limelight that comes with it. (Thanks, Oprah.)

Whatever you do, though, don't even think about calling it "hush" money (the Lord must frown upon that): "It wasn't at all a settlement to make him be quiet or not tell his story," Boyd said. "Our desire was to help him. Here was a young man who wanted to get on with his life. We considered it more compassionate assistance -- certainly not hush money. I know what’s what everyone will want to say because that’s the most salacious thing to say, but that’s not at all what it was." (Via the Colorado Independent) Sure it wasn't, Pastor. If I only I'd gotten a cash settlement every time someone regretted having sex with me. (HUH?)