Lest this post make anyone think I suffer from anhedonia, please know that I was exhilarated Tuesday night when the people of the United States elected Barack Obama to be our 44th president. As an American, I am proud and feel an enormous sense of relief that we finally have someone intelligent at the helm in whom we can put our full faith and trust.But as a gay American, yesterday was the worst day of my life. (Yes, it even caught me by surprise.) I'm feeling sad, depressed and completely humiliated by the anti-gay voting that went on around this nation of mine. And I am so overcome with anger that this country sees it within its rights to even allow my fellow citizens -- my so-called equals -- to vote on my rights. MY rights. So while our president-elect joyfully boasts that we ALL now know that it's not just rhetoric anymore that ALL Americans really can be anything they want to be -- and I see the utter joy and hope and sense of pride in the eyes of so many Americans -- in my heart I'm more convinced than ever that that's just not true. Gays and lesbians DO NOT have the same rights as other Americans. Gays and lesbians ARE NOT equal to their straight counterparts -- white, black, Asian or otherwise. In the eyes of our country we ARE second-class citizens. A gay person COULD NEVER be elected president. (Is it any wonder our parents scream and cry and panic and experience a death in family when one of their children is gay?) Arkansas, Arizona (my "home") and Florida are just the latest to rewrite their constitutions to remind me how worthless they think I am. But it's my beloved California that went and delivered the killer blow. I didn't realize it would hurt this bad, but it's like being punched in the stomach over and over again. How exponentially worse it is when a state that I love, a state that I called home and a state that finally has the decency to treat me as an equal then turns around a takes it all away. It's cruel. It's crueler than cruel.
And then the gloating starts:
The Rev. Joel Hunter, an evangelical pastor in Florida , said that many religious conservatives feel more urgency around stopping same-sex marriage than they do about abortion, another hotly contested issue long locked in a stalemate.
“There is enough of the population that is alarmed at the general breakdown of the family, that has been so inundated with images of homosexual relationships in all of the media,” said Mr. Hunter, who gave the benediction at the Democratic National Convention this year, yet supported the same-sex marriage ban in his state. “It’s almost like it’s obligatory these days to have a homosexual couple in every TV show or every movie.”
“There is enough of the population that is alarmed at the general breakdown of the family, that has been so inundated with images of homosexual relationships in all of the media,” said Mr. Hunter, who gave the benediction at the Democratic National Convention this year, yet supported the same-sex marriage ban in his state. “It’s almost like it’s obligatory these days to have a homosexual couple in every TV show or every movie.”
I honestly believe if Harvey Milk -- who was able to beat back the Briggs Initiative in 1978 -- were alive today he would be disgusted with us all. How we sat back and did nothing until it was far too late. When Larry Kramer laid into the gays for being apathetic at a conference I attended last year I thought he was being a dick. Now I realize just how right he was. We have no rights. We have no leadership. We have no clout. We have no game plan. We have no say. And worst of all, we're completely OK with it. Where's the outrage? Where's the anger? We're a bunch of pussies who let people stomp all over us and then we shrug it off, happy when someone throws us the smallest of table scraps.
"I think the country was like, 'Look, you get Obama, call it a day and go home,'" said Kyrsten Sinema, a Democratic state representative who led opponents against Proposition 102 in Arizona. "And frankly, I’ll take it."
She LED??? She's the leader? What did the non-leaders do, go door-to-door paying people to support Prop 102????? (Oh, and if I hear one more gay person say they don't care about gay marriage because THEY don't want to get married ...)
So this emotionally taxing game of gay marriage whack-a-'mo goes on. (It's legal here, then it's not. It's legal there, then it's not.) So where might the next battle be fought? My eyes are on New York, who presently won't let you get married but will recognize your bullshit California marriage (and others) and suddenly finds itself with a Democratic-controlled Assembly and Senate (for the first time in ages), AND a pro-gay governor.
But this is not an issue that will be corrected by another state or another vote -- nor should it be. If civil rights were up to "the people," anti-miscegenation amendments would be in as many state constitutions as anti-gay-marriage one. (And people who think economics will be the driving force -- all that gay wedding industry money -- have another think coming. First of all, I wouldn't want this right "given" to me on the grounds that it brings more money into the economy. And besides, California can't even pay its state employees and the money idea didn't do anything for the vote.) So where does this leave us? Barack Obama -- whom I might add unnecessarily stabbed us in the back by not dodging the gay marriage question as a "states' rights" issue (which I would have been completely fine with given that he was trying to get elected president) but by gratuitously injecting RELIGION into his reasoning (Biden, too) -- will likely appoint some Supreme Court justices in the years to come. So might we be able to hold out for a potential 5-4 victory some day -- one that will take care of this last major hurdle in the Civil Rights Movement, the way the court did over sodomy laws in '03? Well, I wouldn't hold your breath. A few justices are considered likely to retire within the next few years -- but they're the same ones we need to win the vote.
So while it's great that the country is so hopeful right now, I find myself -- at 41 -- suddenly faced with the sad and very real prospect that I may very well never live to see for my gay brothers and sisters the changes African Americans lived to witness on Tuesday. And in that sense I've never felt more helpless -- and hopeless.
(Artwork by Brian Andersen)
UPDATE: Gay rights backers file 3 lawsuits challenging Prop. 8
20 comments:
Bravo, Well said.
And what's sad is that the Hispanic and black demographics which supposedly contributed to Obama's victory is the exact same factor that is argued to contribute to Prop 8's as well.
http://www.iht.com/articles/2008/11/06/america/06marriage.php?page=1
If that is true, isn't it sad? You'd think that groups that have historically suffered prejudice and discrimination would be sympathetic towards other groups who are on the same boat.
Hey Kenneth - I hear you. Being half American and half Dutch, I followed the vote closely, only to be very disappointed by the outcome.
Apparently Massachusetts is the only state in the Union where people aren't half-brained.
I consider myself very lucky to live and work in the Netherlands, with my husband, even though homosexuality tolerated, not accepted. Dutch law however, is totally the same for gays or for straight people - which is great.
I keep saying over and over: religion is poison to the mind, and in a country with a constitution that claims 'all people are created equal' some are obviously more equal than others...
i know exactly how you feel, ken. i spent yesterday crying, i hate to admit, on and off from 7 a.m. until bed. i woke up today, though, and am ready to fight again. we can do this.
I agree that it's conflicting, but hey, we're gonna win in the end.
Kenneth, I am not often prompted to respond to blog postings, lest I devolve into one of the crazies spewing their venom in the blogosphere, however I feel prompted to do so now.
First, let me say I love your site. I am a native New Yorker who is now unfortunately living in delusionally red Atlanta. I have also lived in DC, working in political media and in LA in the "business". New York will always be my home though, and I look to your site often to keep me posted on the little things I am missing there (even if it's just the weekly covers of the bar rags).
Second, I want to thank you for putting into words so eloquently the feeling many of us are experiencing right now. Watching the television and trying to elevate myself to the level of euphoria of the rest of the nation has been difficult. I wondered why that was, but now I get it.
I too love California and the images it evokes of liberalism and live and let live, and was crestfallen by the failure of our fight. Having lived there, I was sure this would be a win for our side.
In 1992, my first job out of grad school was working for a political media and polling firm in DC. We worked many races, Clinton's among them. Bill Clinton was the first candidate who ever extended a hand to us and included us in the election process. Although we were the first to go under the bus, he did still try and keep the door open by including liaisons to the gay community in his campaign and in the administration. That all ended with the election of the morally bankrupt mouth breathers who have been running the country since 2000.
Don't get me wrong, I think Barack Obama is absolutely amazing and I am glad he is there. He truly inspires the masses. I cried during his acceptance speech along with Oprah (maybe she'll come out for gay marriage the way she did for Obama?).
You though, are 100% correct. He could have just skirted the issue with the states' rights argument. Instead, he too threw us under the bus to score points. It was almost as reprehensible as the deals John McCain was trying to make with the devil to get elected. I feel as though he sold out on his true self in that instance.
I can only hope that like all politicians who go back on their campaign promises, President-Elect Obama will choose his stance on gay marriage to be one of the deal-makers he reneges on. I truly believe this man understands what it is like to be disenfranchised and to work from within to change the rules. I am trying hard to believe that in him and others he will appoint this will be one of the issues he addresses after he cleans up the even more urgent messes left behind by the past eight years. One of the sad truths about politics in this country is that the majority rules, even though that may be at the expense of others. Right now, we have some things to be repaired that probably will and should take place over our civil rights. As a community we are affected by them as much or more than our straight counterparts. One of the brilliant things I have seen about Barack Obama, though is that what others may interpret as "waffling", I see as the wisdom to listen to opposing arguments and be swayed by logical reasoning. The issue is that with something like gay marriage, there is no logic. It is rife with emotion on both sides. We have tried to play to the population's heartstrings. Now it is time to school them in a more logical manner. I really don't know what that may be just yet or how to do it, but with people like you getting out the word, I am sure we will inspire enough people to fight even more.
We have been fighting, many of us, for all our lives in one way or another. Let's take this to the mats and show these people what we're made of!
Maybe now this is up to New York?
Hope you cheer up soon, and thanks for letting me rant.
Christopher LaMarca
suffering in the 404
I completely agree, Kenneth.
Obama's victory is amazing and fantastic but I can't help but feel that now the GLBT Community is more alone on the minority sidelines than we were before the election. Now, we've witnessed the breaking down of one set of walls while three more walls were erected around us. And yes, as a community we have let it happen to ourselves.
Tragic, really.
Kenneth- You perfectly captured exactly how I feel about this vote. I was so high on Obama's win- even excited that he specifically mentioned us in his acceptance speech. Actions will speak louder than words however, and I must admit that with the economy, the wars, etc, our issues will likely get pushed aside. I think we all are guilty of complacency in this No on Prop 8- I certainly didn't pay enough attention to it. I live in NC, and I focused so much on Obama and defeating Dole that I let this issue go. How short-sighted. Why the fuck do we allow people to vote on civil rights? For all the good in democracy, this is a painful reminder that there is also bad. As one of my friends put it- the same ballot that took away my rights extended more rights to chickens. What the hell is that?
The thing we have to do is not suffer in silence. I fully intend to contact the Obama administration, my new senator, my new governor, even the man in charge of my city garbage collection to let them know I am a gay American, and I deserve my civil rights as guaranteed in our beloved Constitution. Not only that, but I donate money and I VOTE! We cannot let an issue like this get away from us again. I will not settle for second-best- close only counts in horseshoes. This is real life, not a game!
Thank you for your wonderful blog- keep writing!
Right-on, Kenneth. The gloating is particularly insufferable. They're acting as if they were part of a trend not just with respect to marriage, but with respect to homosexuality in general. At least that's the tenor of the campaign the Yes bigots fought in California. My sadness and anger about the votes is tempered by a genuine belief that we will win in the long run, but the crowing divisiveness of these creeps in the meantime is just too much.
Hey Kennie,
I totally agree with you. Ours is the only relevant Civil Rights battle left to be fought. We need to redouble our efforts and model what African Americans have achieved. Don't back down now. The hope lies in the future. As the bigots and Republicans die out, Gen Y is even better than Gen X in this regard.
Now that we have Dems in the White House and Congress, it will be better for us than it has been during the Shrub years. And so the fight goes on. Keep at it my friend. Your work is important because it reaches so many.
Chuck
Very, very interesting point. In fact, last evening on AM750's Herman Cain show, a caller made a similar comment. He wanted to know why when whites voted on these recent props they were divided 50/50...however, the black vote was divided 75/25 against our favor.
This is puzzling since one might think civil rights are civil rights guaranteed to all people. However, as Dr. Herman Cain was quick to point out, the vast majority of African-Americans are extremely evangelical and a surprising majority of them vote very conservative on social issues.
There are loop holes around all of the marriage rights problems...You can have legal documents like your Health Care Directives and such drawn up to legally enforce you and your partner's wishes. However, I do see the point and it is a sad state of affairs that we must continue to fight for equality. I do find it terribly ironic how so many straight people can be so incredibly hypocritical. They seem to be nice and supportive of THE GAYS when they need a decorator, a hairdresser, or any number of creative professions and other situations in life...BUT, when it comes to the polls, they vote us down every time. It's almost like Jim Crowe laws in a sense. Kind of their way of keeping us productive members of society while at the same time making sure they keep us in our place.
Anyway...it is an interesting point and one I hope our country can come to terms with.
great post. thank you.
now what do we do?
I am so angry at myself for donating money over and over again for a democratic candidate that didn't even get the nomination. If I had it to do over again, I would have sent that money AND MORE to California to contribute to Prop 8. I am also angry that there wasn't a plea to the rest of the nation's gay population to help out on Prop 8...a hard lesson learned.
I have been a faithful reader of your blog for some time now, and I'm always amazed at how much I can relate to the things you write. Unfortunately, never more so than now. You have described how I am feeling exactly. I am ANGRY and there is a lot of blame to go around. That so many from the black community, who have experienced so much discrimination, would be willing to vote for discrimination against us is just unbelievable! But, as you said, I think we have mostly ourselves to blame. We as a community have not been willing to fight for our own rights with the intensity needed to overcome this extreme prejudice. Being from Florida, I am mad at myself that I did not fight harder on this one. I will not make this mistake again.
john -- there was a plea to the rest of the nation -- we all know how important california was (and there's still hope thanks to the CA supreme court's foresight). We had rallies, we donated, the Cabinet sent money too (i.... think). This isn't a republican vs. democrat issue. We have two parties to choose from -- one that ignores us, the other that only pays us lip service. A choice between the marginally less evil of two evils is no choice at all. While we expect this from Republicans (and don't vote for them because of it), we tolerate it from Democrats. Democrats have taken our votes for granted, we carry them to office on our backs only to have them turn their backs on us. As a community we need to end our complacency.
So many people voted for Change on the 4th. If this is the change they want, then they can keep their change.
That's it! I've had it! I live in California. I've had to look at the "Yes on Prop. 8" signs, hear the endless protests of how this "isn't discrimination" (oh, please!!), and see the knuckle-dragging demonstrators on street corners for weeks now; and I'm joining the ACLU to fight this ruthlessly un-American piece of crap legislation. My "NO" vote cannot be the end of my personal involvement in getting this state -- then, all that will follow--back on the path of progressive thought and action.
A California voter explains his vote in favor of the ban:
"People can do whatever
they want in their own life, but I
have to protect my family."
Kenneth....this is my first time reading your blogs...A friend on Facebook posted the link.
I personally feel that it is no one's business what YOU do in YOUR home. As long as it does not hurt/harm anyone else. The problem is if people would mind their OWN house...instead of worrying about what their neighbors are doing in THEIR house...this world would be a better place.
How can they worry about who is marrying whom when kids are out making/selling crystal-meth and bombing schools? It may be extreme...however it is VERY true.
I read Nick's comment and I must say...Nick...you should know that the media and the "poli-tricks" WILL continue...What BETTER way to add salt to the game than to accuse Hispanics and Blacks as the reason that Prop 8 was successful? If YOU can't see that for what it REALLY is...we are STILL lost. I am an African American, heterosexual female and I can tell you...if a homosexual couple love each other and want to get married...that is NOT my business.
Nick...please understand that African American are ONLY 12.4% of the US population.
Hispanics 14.8%
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Demographics_of_the_United_States
NOW...this election was NOT won by Obama SOLELY on the African American/Hispanic vote. I mean...had he won by 50 votes... then...I can see people thinking that. BUT he WON 349 to 163. That ain't JUST the black/hispanic vote. If you note the demographics at ANY Obama rally (which I was able to witness Live...) the demographics are MIXED...NOT just black and Hispanic...THAT is another media and poli-trick.
One thing that I suggest to everyone is to fight for what you believe in...Do not accept defeat. I truly feel that since they are feeling that they we are making giants steps by electing our first African American President (though we have a LONG way to go...) the focus had to be put SOMEWHERE...so here we have it... Again...maybe extreme...but VERY much real.
Love who you love and keep pressing on... ;D Does not getting married decrease the love that you have for your partner?? I'm sure it doesnt..FIGHT for that love...just as I'd fight for the love that I have for my Love.
I Love your blog Kenneth!
Sorry for the looooong response. ;D
Sending you Peace and Blessings...
Keia
I agree Prop 8 (and the similar laws passed elsewhere) are scary and obviously discriminatory. But I'm not at all surprised they passed. Whether we like it or not, people are just not "there" yet on gay marriage.
That doesn't mean we should stop pushing for it. But I think we have to recognized that social change takes a long, long time. If you look at where we are now compared to where we were even ten years ago, we've progressed an amazing amount. Ten or fifteen years ago, the idea of state-sanctioned gay marriage was unthinkable. We were still trying to pass local human rights ordinances to protect jobs and housing.
Other minority groups tend to be both more religious and more traditional, and that leads to conflict with gay marriage. That's just the way it is. It shouldn't lessen our support for them because, like it or not, we're all in the anti-discrimination fight together.
Ultimately the courts will have to sort this out, because you're right -- it is not the place of the majority to vote on the civil rights of a minority group. It's up to the courts to protect us against the "tyranny of the masses."
Meanwhile, we have to recognize that profound social change is glacially slow and that it's happening already, with every successive generation.
I think we might have to make a strategic retreat from the gay marriage issue. If we can't get gay marriage passed by voters in California, prospects are not good for the rest of the country.
The creation of institutionalized civil unions for gay people would give gays all the same rights.
It's not a 'right' to use the word 'marriage.' Honestly, there are so many other issues plaguing us as a community. Gays have widespread drug and alcohol abuse, wider than the general population. We have HIV rates of infection going up again. Due to our own behaviors.
And no, it's not because we're sad that the country won't let us get married.
For some reason, a significant portion of the population goes mad when they hear the word 'marriage' applied to gay people. And those people are not going away.
I have to take issue with the Dutch commenter who said that religion poisons the mind. It's that kind of talk that makes gay people seem like the end of civilization to more mainstream Americans. And attacking the Mormon Church as an instrument of hate doesn't really help either. It just deepens the divide. For the foreseeable future, there are going to be more Mormons than gay people in America. More evangelical Christians too.
Why are we freaking out about marriage? We need to get working civil unions. We need to clean up our own house. The marriage issue is a waste of our energy as a community and as individuals.
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