Page 1 Consider (09/03)

The Apple Doesn't Fall Far ...: It seems Koby Clemens, Roger Clemens' minor-league baseball player son, is just as cute, just as chubby and just as big a dick as his famous dad. (NYDN)

Killer Field Trip: Hey, Mommie! Can we go to the Hezbollah Martyr Museum? Pleeeaaase???????? (NYT)

Palin-tology: All those crazy things you've heard about veep wannabe Sarah Palin -- book burner, homophobe, wedge politics queen, power abuser, crazy preacher haver, secessionist hubby? It's all true! (Gawker)

Oh, Yeah: And Sarah Palin personally cut funding that gave unwed mothers in Alaska a place to live. (Apparently she toes the party line of only being for certain types of people having kids out of wedlock.) (Washington Post)

Easy Win: Andy Roddick sure had a lot to smile about at yesterday's U.S. Open. Not only did he blow his opponent, Fernando Gonzalez, off the court. He now faces an exhausted Novak Djokovic in the quarters. (AP)

Women's Tennis: A new road map for the WTA promises to keep people who have never made a Grand Slam final from ever being ranked No. 1 in the world (I'm looking at you, Jelena Jankovic.) (Rhoden)

Bristol Squib: Fine. If the Down syndrome kid can't be hers then can we at least make fun of the one that's growing inside her now -- and does this really end all questions about Broken Watergate? (Dowd)

Empire State Ruling: Gov. David A. Paterson was acting within his powers when he issued an executive order requiring government agencies to recognize same-sex marriages performed outside the state, a court ruled on Tuesday. (NYT)

Death of a Diva: A wealthy Egyptian businessman and lawmaker was charged Tuesday with paying $2 million for the contract killing of a well-known Lebanese pop star who was found dead in her apartment in Dubai, United Arab Emirates, in July. Too bad it wasn't one of ours. I'm looking at you, Britney, Christina. (NYT)

XXXcellent: Google's new Chrome browser -- which I've tried and find interesting -- is being hailed a porn lover's dream. (Or so I've heard ...) (Pogue)

Separated at Birth: While I hate to disparage Madame like this, the resemblance is uncanny. (Via BoyCulture)

Tainted Goods: The Virginia delegation canceled an order of a publication it had planned to hand out to visitors at the Republican National Convention in St. Paul, Minn., because it included a six-page section for gays and lesbians. (PageOneQ)

Holy Mackerel: Ike Pappas, a television correspondent who covered the Vietnam War and the assassination of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., and who is best remembered for being an arm’s length from Lee Harvey Oswald when he was killed and reporting the event live to listeners of WNEW radio in New York, died on Sunday in Arlington, Va. (NYT)

RIP: Don LaFontaine, who brought his sonorous, ominous, melodramatic baritone to so many thousands of movie trailers, commercials and television promos that he became known in the industry as “the voice of God,” or just “the VOG,” died Monday near his home in Los Angeles. He was 68. (NYT)