The Hands That Rock the Cradle

Jesse Money, Landon Brown, Chloe Lattanzi, Jesse Blaze Snider, Lil B. Sure!, Lara Johnston, A'Keiba Burrell and Crosby Loggins during the live taping of the premiere episode of "Rock the Cradle"

What a boob: Why does that chick have her shirt open? Jesse Money, daughter of Eddie Money (what the f**k happened to your midsection???)
Chloe Rose Lattanzi, the unfortunate-looking daughter of superhot Matt Lattanzi and Olivia Newton-John
Twisted Sister: Jesse Blaze Snider, son of Dee Snider

Last night while I was out at the most surreal event of my life -- people "watching" Moby(???) DJ up on a stage and kind of Fraggle Rocking in the audience -- the rest of the world was treated to the long-awaited premiere of MTV's "Rock the Cradle,"the "American Idol" of privileged celebrity offspring who think they can sing. The all-wouldbe-star lineup consists of (you're forgiven if you don't even know who the "star" parent is) Landon Brown (son of Bobby Brown), A'Keiba Burrell-Hammer (daughter of MC Hammer), Lara Johnston (daughter of Tom Johnston of The Doobie Brothers), Chloe Rose Lattanzi (daughter of Olivia Newton-John), Crosby Loggins (son of Kenny Loggins), Jesse Money (daughter of Eddie Money), Jesse Blaze Snider (son of Dee Snider), Lil Al B Sure (son of Al B Sure), and Lucy Walsh (daughter of Joe Walsh of The Eagles). While I really have no interest in another amateur singing contest, I was delighted to see my girl Belinda Carlisle is one of the judges (fun!) and that the contestants' celebrity parents are in the audience to cheer them on (Olivia!). That alone may be enough reason to DVR my way through the first episode ...