Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Wean on Me


So Larry just turned 3 months old and the earlobe sucking has gotten even more aggressive than when he was 2. (If allowed he can -- and usually will -- do it for hours -- and just try stopping him.) I followed some of your advice and bought this cayenne-pepper-infused liquid called THUM that's specifically formulated to help stop thumb sucking (and nail biting). I went ahead and painted both of my ears with it and for a little while cute Larry got turned off by the scent, cried a little bit and then walked away. But within 10 minutes he decided he didn't care how bad it smelled or tasted, he had to have his "binky" and he just went to town licking it off all night long.

When this plan failed I started doing some Internet searches to see if other people had any other suggestions. One of the first things that came up was a site selling this pillow with teats(!) called a Catsifier. The site is full of creepy photographs and testimonials from satisfied customers, so after a particularly bad weekend of no sleep I reluctantly ordered one. I opted for the Blue Plaid model ("brings a little country feel to any room"). It quickly arrived and I anxiously took it out and put it on the bed where Larry likes to sleep. When he didn't show any initial interest in it, I smeared a little milk on one of the teats to get the party going.

Naturally, Larry had no idea what was going on in the bedroom as he was too busy playing with his new favorite toy ever -- the box his Catsifier came in.

It's been about 48 hours now and Larry has yet to so much as glance at his new pillow. I, on the other hand, have to live in constant fear that I might die in my sleep of a brain aneurysm and have someone find me sprawled out on the bed like some asshole with a nipple pillow next to my head. Thanks, Lar.

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

Forgive me,but I think your cat is so adorable although he keep on nipping on your earlobes. I can't help but just laugh(sorry). I do
hope you will find an ultimate end to this.
Maybe smear a little Tabasco sauce on your earlobes? But that sounded cruel. *sigh* I'm also dumbfounded and truly sympathized with you but Lars is just too beautiful in his own quirky ways...

ZERO COLA said...

So the catsifier doesn't work. Big surprise. My cat has the same problem. Escept she's 7 now. Of course my earlobe got too small by the time she hit adolescence so she moved on to my pinkies and then to the rest of the fingers (minus the thumbs). Since she thinks I am her mother, as it seems to be the case with yours, she doesn't care what my fingers taste like, she just needs to keep sucking/biting the hell out of them. You should really consider seeing a doctor about this behaviour or you will end up like me, without cuticle, bleeding and beyond the help of the finest maicurist in the world.

jeff166 said...

Put the pillow back in the box. He might get on it if it's in the box.

He might even discover the plastic nipples.

Put a little tuna oil from a can of tuna in oil on the nipples as an inducement.

Of course there's nothing like an warm ear lope.

Jeph said...

LMAO!!!! And here I was going to start trying the cayenne pepper solution for our troublesome cat, Tucker. But if it doesn't work, I'm not gonna bother.

Not so sure I'd buy a nipple pillow however! LOL

Anonymous said...

your little larry is the cutest dude!! makes me smile, so he must keep you in stitches.

Anonymous said...

oh larry...help your daddy out will ya?

Rnormfoto said...

OK - that titty-pillow is the creepiest thing i've seen!

Seb said...

Cutest post ever!!

pointer1952 said...

You need to start a LARRY BLOG....so funny!!!!

Anonymous said...

Doesn't Larry get frustrated when his continued nursing produces no milk? Maybe you should get him a baby bottle. How about a second kitten? They could keep eachother company while you're at work. Maybe you could name Larry's new friend an equally cute name like Murdock... You better put some chapstick on that ear lobe.

pointer1952 said...

listen Kenneth, cat saliva is one of the most dangerous things to get into a human's body..so when he's nibbling ,his saliva's going into your blood stream..but not many blood vesssels on an earlobe...do a google and research it

Tony(nyc)

Anonymous said...

Larry is America's Most Cutest Kittycat (TM).

Anonymous said...

I'm sending you white light for a resolution. Cats rule.

Anonymous said...

Oh my: what a cute kitten. He now OWNS you,Kenneth. As evidenced by the earlobe licking and all of the toys/treats/goodies(most are probably NOT pictured) you have bought your furry 4 legged child !!!!

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