My Blood Runs Cold

Just when it seemed the era of women's tennis stars looking utterly ridiculous in their attempts to glam up off the court was over (my angel Steffi Graf sure makes a fetching centerfold in the new issue of Glamour, although I wonder what Gunter Parche thinks of an equally -- if not more so -- stunning and slenderrific Monica Seles?), once again we have to receive a rude splash of cold water in the face from Jennifer Capriati, whose red-carpet makeover brings back haunting memories of the 1985 WTA Calendar. Trust me, they could even make Chris Evert look like Nancy "Take a powder!" Lieberman, and the image of Hana Mandlikova in a dress and makeup is something that never goes away, no matter how many times you wash.

Which is to say nothing of a 2000 Avon ad campaign featuring two drag queens dressed up as Serena and Venus Williams. Weave come a long way, baby ...