Page 1 Consider (04/06)

Switch-Pitcher: They're calling Pat Venditte, a junior at Creighton University (my grandmother's alma mater), the only ambidextrous pitcher in NCAA Division I college baseball. But does it really count if left-handed he throws like a girl? (NYT)

Urine Trouble Now: A British dentist was found guilty Thursday of urinating in his surgery sink and using dental tools meant for patients to clean his fingernails and ears. And I thought it was bad that people clipped their nails on the subway. (Reuters)

Church of Self-Loathing: A lesbian couple who married in Canada are upset because their local Catholic church is refusing to give them communion. I'd like to side with these women, but I can't get past one thing -- and, no, it's not the cross-dressing and the haircuts (Blondie's even got a receding hairline going on!): WHY ARE YOU A MEMBER OF A CHURCH THAT CONDEMNS YOU TO HELL IN THE FIRST PLACE???? I realize you may have roots in this church from your childhood, but they didn't want you then, and they certainly don't want you now. Move on! (AP)

Where's the Beef? A 14-year-old girl who had a one-year intimate relationship a 30-year-old woman who posed as a teenage boy said she didn't know about the ruse but eventually suspected it. "I kind of, like, guessed, but then every time I questioned her, she would get really mad," the remarkably blase girl explained, "so I just stopped caring." Prosecutors allege that Lorelei Corpuz posed as a 17-year-old orphan to gain the trust of the girl's family, then beat and molested her. She was charged this week with two counts of third-degree child rape and one count of third-degree child molestation and was being held in lieu of $150,000 bail. The girl said that she had been lonely before the yearlong relationship began. Corpuz, who called herself Mark, met the girl at a mall and moved in with her. (Source)

No Victims, Only Volunteers: Steven Cole, a 46-year-old volunteer firefighter, has been charged with taking a bikini-clad drunken afternoon romp through a park in Ohio. The DA's office is still considering further charges regarding Cole's decision not to wear a one-piece. (AP)

Tranny Settlements 101: A transgender professor who was fired by a Christian school has reached a settlement in her sex discrimination complaint. Julie Nemecek and Spring Arbor University agreed to the settlement after mediation talks with the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. Terms of the deal were not released, but Nemecek said that she will no longer be employed by the school outside Jackson, about 75 miles west of Detroit. "I'm looking for other employment," said Nemecek, who recently changed her name from John. "I may do some consulting work. I'm definitely going to do advocacy for transgender issues." (AP)

Promise Keeper: "Desperate Housewives" hunk Jesse Metcalfe takes a break from the Promises Rehab facility in Malibu to walk around looking hot. (Sun)

Get Well Soon: Wishing the gracious former first lady Betty Ford a speedy recovery from surgery in the Palm Springs area. (AP)