Page 1 Consider (03/22)

Fierce Justice: Four men charged in the brutal homophobic assault on the gay entertainer Kevin Aviance last summer pleaded guilty in a Manhattan court Wednesday. Avaince was attacked as he left the Phoenix bar in the East Village last June. The four beat him unmercifully, breaking his jaw, doing serious damage to one leg and leaving him with cuts and bruises over most of his body. As they attacked him the four young men yelled homophobic slurs and screamed, "You're not fierce!" The attackers each got sentences that ranged from eight to 15 years in prison. Who's not fierce now, boys? (AP)

Edwards Campaign: Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards called a news conference for Thursday to discuss the future of his campaign, a day after he and his wife, Elizabeth, visited her doctor to assess her recovery from a bout of breast cancer. This doesn't sound good. We're pulling for ya, Mrs. Edwards. (NYT)

Rush to Judgment: Republican Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger says that the views of his conservative critics, including Rush Limbaugh, are irrelevant to his work in California. "All irrelevant. Rush Limbaugh is irrelevant. I am not his servant," Schwarzenegger said in an interview on NBC's "Today" show. Kudos for putting that fat-ass, drug addict in his place. (AP)

Big Bother: The creator of the faux-Apple ad against Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton has been unmasked as a Democratic operative who worked for a digital consulting firm with ties to Sen. Barack Obama, NBC News confirmed Wednesday night. The operative was first identified by the political blog Huffington Post as Philip de Vellis, a strategist with Blue State Digital. He's since been canned for violating his company's policy against "outside political work or commentary on behalf of our clients or otherwise," although a better reason to shitcan him might have been for producing the lamest, most-hyped non-controversy of the 2008 campaign to date. (NBC)

Killer Dad: Actor Woody Harrelson's father, the real-life "Natural Born Killer" Charles Harrelson, died in the Supermax federal prison where he was serving two life sentences for the murder of a federal judge, officials said Wednesday. Charles Harrelson, 69, was found unresponsive in his cell on March 15 and apparently died of natural causes, said Felicia Ponce, a Bureau of Prisons spokeswoman in Washington. (AP)

Studio54.com: Gee, just what really attractive people need. An Internet dating site that caters to only "really hot-looking people." The co-dick who invented HotEnough.org, Jason Pellegrino, likens the site to an online version of Studio 54. The bad news for the beautiful people? If he thinks he's a "8.2 on the attractiveness scale" then how scary must his "clients" be. (AP)

More Rubbish: Will this Princess Diana inquiry never end? She died in a car crash. Next. (AP)

Green Screen Giant: Word out of Hollywood is that Columbia Pictures is bringing comic-book hero The Green Hornet to the big screen. Who should play him? (AP)

Corpus Christi, We Have a Problem: Capt. Lisa Nowak, everybody's favorite astronut, who was fired by NASA after she was charged with trying to kidnap a romantic rival, will develop flight lesson plans as part of her new military assignment. Watch your backs, ladies!!!! (AP)

RIP: A fond farewell to the hilarious actor Calvert DeForest, better known as Larry "Bud" Melman on David Letterman’s late-night television shows, who died Monday at 85 after a long illness. He made dozens of appearances on Letterman’s shows from 1982 through 2002, handling a variety of twisted duties: dueting with Sonny Bono on “I Got You, Babe,” doing a Mary Tyler Moore impression during a visit to Minneapolis, handing out hot towels to arrivals at the Port Authority Bus Terminal. He made me laugh (second only to Mrs. Marv) and will be greatly missed. (AP)