Page 1 Consider (08/09)

Hanes Not Her Way: In a new interview, Andy Roddick says if he weren't a pro tennis player he'd teach sixth grade -- and that his mom doesn't approve of girls mailing him their panties. (IANS)

No. 4417749: What does your Web browser know about you? Apparently quite a bit. (NYT)

Fire Crotch: The ticking time bomb Lindsay Lohan says she wants to follow in Marilyn Monroe's footsteps and "entertain the troops" in Iraq. Better get the penicillin ready. (And please God, don't let her do that horrendous rendition of Stevie Nicks' "Edge of Seventeen" -- the Sunnis and Shiites are liable to band together to kill us all.) (People)

Sorry, Vanessa: Anger-management favorite Cynthia McKinney was given the boot by her constituents back in Georgia last night. Seems her outlandish behavior wasn't "much ado about a hairdo" after all, freak. (AP) (previously)

Obviously Not in Chelsea: It seems sexy actor Channing Tatum can still go out in public unnoticed. "Someone was telling me at McDonald’s I looked like this guy in ‘Coach Carter.’ When I told them it was me, she didnt believe me," said Tatum, 26, the former Abercrombie & Fitch model . Perhaps this will change with his new wrong-side-of-the-tracks dancer movie, "Step Up," out next month. (CB)

Big Balls: After his controversial move during the World Cup against a fellow Manchester United teammate, Cristiano Ronaldo made his risky return to England. (Sky)

Silicone Floats: Everybody (in New Zealand) loves a topless porn star parade! (AP)

My Kinda Ball Game: Handsome Mets catcher Paul Lo Duca is going through a messy divorce (his former Playboy model wife says he likes to play ball with other women -- and he likes the gambling) -- and the New York tabloids couldn't be happier about it. (NYDN)

Bank'rupt: Industry experts are predicting a slowdown in the number of retail bank branches popping up in the city. How could they open any new branches -- every building in Manhattan has already been converted to one. (NYT)