Weekend Tennis Roundup

Titles for Zverev, Shnaider, Golubic and Sonmez. Full report plus all the ATP beef that's fit to post BELOW.

In the battle of the unlikable, Alexander Zverev -- seen above with the only good thing about him -- routed Ugo Humbert 6-2, 6-2 to win the Paris Indoor, his seventh ATP Masters 1000 crown

Diana Shnaider swept aside Katie Boulter to claim the Hong Kong Tennis Open on Sunday, racing to a 6-1, 6-2 victory in a one-sided affair that lasted little more than an hour.

The long wait is over for Viktorija Golubic won her first title in eight years(!) by defeating No.2 seed Rebecca Sramkova 6-3, 7-5 in the Jiangxi Open on Sunday in China.

And Zeynep Sonmez posted a big result for herself and her country of Turkey by winning her first WTA Tour singles title at the Merida Open Akron on Sunday, crushing Ann Li of the United States 6-2, 6-1 in the final. 

And in Paris Indoors doubles, Wesley Koolhof and Nikola Mektić defeated Lloyd Glasspool and Adam Pavlásek, 3–6, 6–3, [10–5] in an all-hunk final

Suffice to say Mektic was really happy about the win ...

leading to this money shot! 

Glasspool and Pavlásek won the previous hot matchup!

Elsewhere around the net ...

Marcos Giron's caboose needs its own ZIP code

Pedro Martinez is giving me late-in-life daddy issues

Hubert Hurkacz does Paris

Another look at the resurgent Borna Gojo

Lorenzo Musetti doesn't skip leg day

The most clothing Robert Cardenas has ever worn

See previous

Billie Jean King is a lezzie magnet 

Another example of why Paula Badosa isn't very bright 

Khachanov vs. Mpetshi Perricard: A lot of man meat à Paris 

Ooh la la! Arthur Fils has flex appeal

Old friends: Justin Gimelstob and a dashing Jan-Michael Gambill

Blond ambition

Spanish fly: Marcel Granollers

I didn't see this ...

but also have no problem believing Ugo Humbert behaved poorly

Two Andreas are better than one 

Chiropractor to the tennis stars also works on a big NFL man

Roman Safiullin won the Challenger in Bratislava 

Thanasi Kokkinakis came out on top in Sydney

Marton Fucsovics and the luckiest bathrobe on earth

I'm mildly ashamed of finding Jordan Thompson so sexy. (Is that post-op Sebastian Korda on the right?) 

I'm not at all ashamed to find Elmar Ejupovic extremely sexy 

Good enough to eat 

Fede Gomez won the Challenger Ciudad de Guayaquil, but I am treating it like the French Open because he looks like this(!) 

Watch this giant man speak HERE.

Fede & friends 

I'd like to enter a paid partnership with Andy Mies

Almost golden

Those Slavs always have another hottie waiting the wings

However, as much as I like my Latino and Euro men, it's hard (not) to (want to) top a couple all-American boys

Did Juan Martin del Potro get an application at Foot Locker? 

My alt hubby Quentin Halys qualified for play at the Moselle Open this week

"Am I right, fellas?"

I see the main course 

And last but not least: While I know that Carlos Alcaraz hasn't had the most consistent year, I still think it's absurd that you can win two major titles and still be ranked behind someone who has zero.