Wednesday, December 31, 2014

The Djokovics Wish You a Very Happy New Year!

Done and Done

Spoiler alert: They both involved Jell-O. Follow me on Instagram HERE.

Having a Ball

Photo of Times Square at noon today. I'm ostensibly working until 8 p.m. -- unless we get done early -- and somehow thought getting from Sixth Avenue to my party in Hell's Kitchen (Ninth Avenue) would be so convenient. What was I thinking?

Jeremey Renner Reveals Make-Up Artist Past

The headline above is AccessHollywood's -- not mine! The hard-hitting news organization reports:
”[I was] as a makeup artist,” he told Billy, when asked what he did to make ends meet prior to his breakout role in “The Hurt Locker.” 
“I could do makeup because I did theater… I couple paint and I could draw, so I’m like, ‘OK, I’ll do makeup on girls all day… It bought me a lot of free time to go audition when I needed to because I only had to work a few hours a week. I didn’t have to wait tables, so it was actually a great gig.”
"Could you give me a smoky eye right now if I needed one?” Billy joked.  
“Yeah,” Jeremy said with confidence. 
And so the plot -- not unlike his clients' eyelashes after he gets done with 'em -- thickens. 

Watch HERE.

The Daily Grindr

 I'm not even sure what is going on here! Send yours HERE.

Heath Miller to Bring Classic Jockstrapped Look to Playoffs

Because a HUNK in a jockstrap is always in style.

Transgender Teen Commits Suicide in Ohio

Heartbreaking -- and how "religious" do these parents feel now that their child is no longer with us? Nearly everything this poor teenager felt as a transgender girl I felt as a gay boy. It's time for us all to unite behind the Ts in LGBT. Read HERE.

If you are reading this, it means that I have committed suicide and obviously failed to delete this post from my queue.
Please don’t be sad, it’s for the better. The life I would’ve lived isn’t worth living in… because I’m transgender. I could go into detail explaining why I feel that way, but this note is probably going to be lengthy enough as it is. To put it simply, I feel like a girl trapped in a boy’s body, and I’ve felt that way ever since I was 4. I never knew there was a word for that feeling, nor was it possible for a boy to become a girl, so I never told anyone and I just continued to do traditionally “boyish” things to try to fit in.
When I was 14, I learned what transgender meant and cried of happiness. After 10 years of confusion I finally understood who I was. I immediately told my mom, and she reacted extremely negatively, telling me that it was a phase, that I would never truly be a girl, that God doesn’t make mistakes, that I am wrong. If you are reading this, parents, please don’t tell this to your kids. Even if you are Christian or are against transgender people don’t ever say that to someone, especially your kid. That won’t do anything but make them hate them self. That’s exactly what it did to me.
My mom started taking me to a therapist, but would only take me to christian therapists, (who were all very biased) so I never actually got the therapy I needed to cure me of my depression. I only got more christians telling me that I was selfish and wrong and that I should look to God for help.
When I was 16 I realized that my parents would never come around, and that I would have to wait until I was 18 to start any sort of transitioning treatment, which absolutely broke my heart. The longer you wait, the harder it is to transition. I felt hopeless, that I was just going to look like a man in drag for the rest of my life. On my 16th birthday, when I didn’t receive consent from my parents to start transitioning, I cried myself to sleep.
I formed a sort of a “fuck you” attitude towards my parents and came out as gay at school, thinking that maybe if I eased into coming out as trans it would be less of a shock. Although the reaction from my friends was positive, my parents were pissed. They felt like I was attacking their image, and that I was an embarrassment to them. They wanted me to be their perfect little straight christian boy, and that’s obviously not what I wanted.
So they took me out of public school, took away my laptop and phone, and forbid me of getting on any sort of social media, completely isolating me from my friends. This was probably the part of my life when I was the most depressed, and I’m surprised I didn’t kill myself. I was completely alone for 5 months. No friends, no support, no love. Just my parent’s disappointment and the cruelty of loneliness.
At the end of the school year, my parents finally came around and gave me my phone and let me back on social media. I was excited, I finally had my friends back. They were extremely excited to see me and talk to me, but only at first. Eventually they realized they didn’t actually give a shit about me, and I felt even lonelier than I did before. The only friends I thought I had only liked me because they saw me five times a week.
After a summer of having almost no friends plus the weight of having to think about college, save money for moving out, keep my grades up, go to church each week and feel like shit because everyone there is against everything I live for, I have decided I’ve had enough. I’m never going to transition successfully, even when I move out. I’m never going to be happy with the way I look or sound. I’m never going to have enough friends to satisfy me. I’m never going to have enough love to satisfy me. I’m never going to find a man who loves me. I’m never going to be happy. Either I live the rest of my life as a lonely man who wishes he were a woman or I live my life as a lonelier woman who hates herself. There’s no winning. There’s no way out. I’m sad enough already, I don’t need my life to get any worse. People say “it gets better” but that isn’t true in my case. It gets worse. Each day I get worse.
That’s the gist of it, that’s why I feel like killing myself. Sorry if that’s not a good enough reason for you, it’s good enough for me. As for my will, I want 100% of the things that I legally own to be sold and the money (plus my money in the bank) to be given to trans civil rights movements and support groups, I don’t give a shit which one. The only way I will rest in peace is if one day transgender people aren’t treated the way I was, they’re treated like humans, with valid feelings and human rights. Gender needs to be taught about in schools, the earlier the better. My death needs to mean something. My death needs to be counted in the number of transgender people who commit suicide this year. I want someone to look at that number and say “that’s fucked up” and fix it. Fix society. Please.
(Leelah) Josh Alcorn

Song of the Day: 'Bermuda Triangle Blues (Flight 45)' by Blondie

Hearbroken but also relieved for the famlies of that doomed AirAsia, which they just found crashed just off Borneo island. With other recent events, I was just asking a friend if planes "going missing" was something that used to happen all the time or if it's a new phenomenon, which wouldn't make sense given the advances in technology. I'm too lazy to look it up, but the mystery of Flight 19 over the Bermuda Triangle is the first thing that comes to mind, hauntingly nodded to in this song from what I think may be Blondie's best album, "Plastic Letters," which necessitated a term for the opposite of a "sophomore slump," it was so much better than the first.

Morning Wood

Ho, ho, ho!

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Tuesday, December 30, 2014

It's Red and 9 Inches ...

The St. Paul Pioneer Press may be having second thoughts about this tweet, but whatever it means, the fantasy will live on in me for months to come.


“Turns out, this would have worked better with a picture of the beard,” tweets @pioneerpress

Aaron Schock Is a Mama's Boy

Not-gay Illinois Republican Rep. Aaron Schock's mom reminds me a little of Susan Sontag.

Good Hed

Another sticky situation up North.

Jockey Jerks Off, Steals Dog, Then Gets Shot Attempting to Rob Second Home

Police: Bensalem resident shoots masturbating burglary suspect; dog missing

Talk about a real go-getter! Read HERE.

The Daily Grindr

Oh, for God's sake. Now you're just fucking with me! Send yours HERE.

Meet the Man Who Wants to Get In Your Drawers

Learn about the Underwear Expert's Curated Underwear Club HERE.

Required Reading

Careful on the Buttocks!

Because nothing sells cookies like an anal-rape joke ...

Master Kong 3+2 - Don't Drop the Soap (2014)

Joan on the Range

Posted (mostly) without comment.

Judy Garland Is Dead at 47

Always fascinating/creepy to realize you're the same age someone really famous was when they died. Read Judy Garland's NYT obit HERE.

Song of the Day: 'Overpowered' by Róisín Murphy

Maybe being a pop star isn't all glamor after all.

Morning Wood

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Monday, December 29, 2014

Happy Birthday, Mary Tyler Moore!

The television icon turns 78 today. Thank you for all the laughs -- and for the good deeds you've done for juvenile diabates, Mare!