Martha Dearest

"Martha: Behind Bars" may well be the next great cult classic. It was truly awful and I loved every second of it.

My first question is this: Why was a rather dainty female cast to play daughter Alexis, who is one k.d. lang concert away from being a full-on bulldyke? And when did Cybill Shepherd go from being a rather stunning woman, who is nearly a decade younger than the woman she was playing, to being far less attractive than Martha Stewart herself?

Best scene: After first refusing to lead her little prison group's team in a Christmas-decorating competition, she retreats to her cell where she overhears numerous bad ideas being bandied about and tries to drown out the horror of it all with her pillow. When a black woman suggests making a giant wreath that is shaped like a peace symbol with trees growing out of (gasp!), Martha can't take another second of it and springs out of bed to teach the group the Japanese art of folding paper: papier mâchè! Did I say classic?