Page 1 Consider (12/20)

Playskool Pharmacy: Alcohol use and cigarette smoking among teenagers are at historic lows, but the number of high school students abusing prescription drugs like Oxycontin is rising, and sedative abuse is at its highest in 26 years, according to an annual national study released Monday. / Good news from the 'burbs, you know how I feel about smokers. (NY Times)

Putting the 'Woman' in Women's Wear Daily: Halloween sex perv Peter Braunstein's brother says that if his sicko brother had really wanted to take his own life, he could have chosen a "surer way" to go about it. "Instead, he decides to do it in front of a police officer who has a radio and can call for help." (What a candy!) Meanwhile, Dad's on MSNBC 24 hours a day making fun of his son's failed play about Andy Warhol and Edie Sedgwick. Nothing says unconditional love like a nasty media blitz from your family. (NY Daily News)

Making It Legal: UK's First Gay Couples Tie Legal Knot / Let's hope Water Piks and gifts certificates to the local dental clinic were common wedding presents. (BBC News)

Attack of the Lying Cloans: South Korea faces blow to stem-cell prowess / They only fabricated their epochal breakthrough in the cloning of human stem cells once. Give 'em another chance. (Christian Science Monitor)