It's hard to say with certitude, but Michael Ontkean may very well have been my first TV crush, as I do recall being oddly fascinated with "The Rookies" as a very young boy. One thing's for sure, though, he certainly was the first married man I had an "affair" with, courtesy of "Making Love," a film I must have secretly watched on HBO at 3 in the morning a dozen times when no one was around. (How I envied Harry Hamlin!!!) Crazy to think he's 66 today -- almost as old as my mom -- as he'll always be that naked stud in "Slapshot" (I wish!) to me. Hadn't seen him in years, but then my guy pointed him out to me as Cousin Milo in "The Descendants." Great to see him again -- happy birthday, Michael!
When I was a kid, I was obsessed with the movie "My Bodyguard." After seeing it at the regular theater, I probably saw it a 10 more times at the Westwood Dollar Cinema in Mesa, the same place I saw "Airplane!" a dozen times that same summer in 1980. I loved everything about "My Bodyguard" -- their glam life living in a fancy Chicago hotel (limo ride to school!), Ruth Gordon as Gramma, and anything having to do with Matt Dillon who, if you had to be harassed by someone, is about the hottest bully ever. But as a victim of such attacks myself, I especially loved that our hero, played by cutie Chris Makepeace (who reminded me so much of my 7th grade best friend Mike Murphy), had figured out a way to get protection in the form of the ultra studly Adam Baldwin (aka Linderman). (So dark and mysterious -- who could resist him?) While I was devastated when the plan unraveled, a reader recently sent me some risque photos of Adam Baldwin from the film "Trade Off" and elsewhere, and let's just say all is forgiven.
With a HUGE thanks to Daniel: It would be most fitting if this were my final Movember-related post this year, because this nearly forgotten ad for English Leather Musk completely consumed me as a teen, and (I feel) shaped my sexual desires for life. This guy -- WHO is this guy?! -- drove the adolescent me (and Version 44.0) completely wild, with his shy bedroom eyes, goofy ears and wavy hair. (I always thought Johnny Davenport was to blame for my wavy hair fetish, but now I remember whose locks really teased me first.) Although I had one long-term Latin lover, Mr. Musk set the tone for my all-American with facial hair leanings -- something that has sparked complaints from readers over the years, to which I say this is my blog, so a reflection of my tastes. (If I blogged for The Advocate or Out, then I think it would be fair to expect more diversity, but this is a one-man operation, so give me a break.) If anyone has more info on this guy, my Movember would be complete. And even if they don't, I'm just happy to revisit him. In fact, I may lock myself in the bathroom tonight ... for old times' sake.
Happy birthday to Harrison Ford, who turned 69 today. (He's my mom's age!) It's been a number of years since he was in a movie I'd want to see -- "Working Girl," 1988? -- but thanks to "American Graffiti," he'll always be one of my earliest childhood crushes. We also have him to thank for the man purse messenger bag.
It's one of those crushes that (almost) seems silly in retrospect -- maybe it was the year, a mulleted Patrick Swayze seems utterly ridiculous to me now! -- but I used to carry a little photo of September 1987 GQ cover man Howie Long in my wallet. Of course, he did look awfully sexy half-naked in the locker room ... (I did say almost!).
Mark Harmon covers GQ in April 1987, the same year his cable classic "Summer School" was released. (Swoooooon.) I know I've said this before, but was there EVER a more beautiful man than Mark Harmon?
From my continuing series of men I had a crush on when I was a boy, here's Hal Linden, as the unflappable Capt. Barney Miller. Like Jack Nicholson HERE, Linden was the same age I am now when he started the hit show about the comings and goings of the 12th Precinct in Greenwich Village. While Barney didn't fill out a pair of polyester dress slacks the way Wojciehowicz (Max Gail) did, his handsome face and warm eyes were simply irresistible to this 7-year-old Michigan boy.
From my continuing series of high-school lust objects, today I give you Hart Bochner. Is there a gay man alive who didn't fall in lust with the handsome Canadian in "Apartment Zero" or as Lea Thompson's older cop "love" interest in "The Wild Life"? He played the role of a cop again in 1993's "Complex of Fear" to great effect (above).
If typical adolescent boys are notorious for "discovering" the juniors section of the Sears catalog, then I guess it only stands to reason that my youth was also filled with order-by-number masturbation material. The memory that burns strongest was a photo of a hunky "Magnum P.I." type of guy hawking Rugger aftershave in an Avon catalog my mom had lying around the house. With only the slightest of effort I recalled that it had to have been from 1981 -- the summer I turned 14 and hormones were in full gear -- and within seconds I'd found a "lot of 26" Avon catalogs from that year for sale on eBay, which I promptly snatched up. They arrived in the mail yesterday and sure enough, the hunk in question was featured throughout the year -- including this bathroom-favorite photo of my man in a khaki button-down shirt (notice the hint of chest hair). Now take that, Marilu Henner! Anyone know who this model is? Would love to track him down 30 years later and tell him what he, um, meant to me!
UPDATE: At the suggestion of my friend Mark Allen, I contacted Avon directly and their sweet PR woman was able to do some digging to find out this guy's name is Patrick St. Clair. She claims he's wearing a fake mustache -- say it isn't so, Patrick! -- but so far his (fairly) common name has led me nowhere. If anyone ones where he is -- or if Patrick Saint Clair is Googling himself right now -- please get in touch with me!
For a gentleman who doesn't prefer blonds, my lust for Ryan O'Neal and Robert Redford is well-documented. The former apparently appeared on Oprah this week, in a "Love Story" reunion alongside Ali McGraw (gotta get to that on my DVR!), while the later popped up on the wire yesterday, in some photos after receiving the Legion d'Honneur from President Nicolas Sarkozy in Paris. While O'Neal only made a couple good films, Redford starred in many of my all-time favorites, including "Barefoot in the Park," "The Way We Were," "All the President's Men" and directed the classic "Ordinary People." I'll never forget the day that Bob, as I call him, was sitting in the cafeteria in the old New York Times building on West 43rd Street chatting with Frank Rich. Word spread through the newsroom quickly, and it wasn't long before every woman and gay was suddenly in need of nourishment, strolling by their table like Jack and Janet checking in on Chrissy's date at the Regal Beagle.
Now 74 -- and nipped and tucked a few times over -- Redford doesn't look half bad (the hair is still flawless). But at the risk of sounding shallow, he'll always be Hubbell Gardiner in my dreams. (Has there ever been or will there ever be a man more beautiful?)
It doesn't matter if you're gay, straight or bisexual, all of us experienced that moment in life when our sexual awakening began to take place. Whether it was a certain page in the Sears catalog, seeing Lynda Carter in her Wonder Woman outfit or Bjorn Borg a certain athlete in short-shorts on television, everyone I've ever met can always pinpoint the exact moment when something changed inside, and tell me what first got them going back when. A quick poll around the newsroom where I work elicited the following responses: Phyllis George on "NFL Today," Julie Andrews in "The Sound of Music" (straight guys) and "this cartoon on 'Sesame Street' where a cartoon man climbs up the body of this boy in his underwear, teaching him to names all of his various body parts on the way up" (gay guy -- and how'd I miss that one?!!)
Although I've blogged the overwhelming attraction I felt for the young actor Timothy Gibbs, who caught my eye in the film "Just Between Friends" back in '86, I recently had a flashback to an even earlier moment, when I still wasn't fully aware of what it meant to be gay, but I knew something really exciting was happening to me.
This wasn't the first time I'd felt this way -- I was inordinately interested whenever Lyle Waggoner and John Schneider came on TV in the late '70s -- but it stood out because it was the year I was turning 16. It was the summer of '83 and it was my best friend Mark's turn to visit Arizona. (We alternated between Phoenix and Detroit each year.) I had been an absolutely OBSESSED "Jaws" fan as a kid in the '70s -- at age 8, I managed to get my step aunt to take me to see the rather "adult" film, I read the Peter Benchley novel, I had a huge "Jaws" poster hanging on my bedroom wall, and I even did an oral book report on Carl Gottlieb's "Jaws Log" -- so when "Jaws 3-D" came out, Mark and I decided to we had to check it out.
Although we didn't make it halfway through the film -- the 3-D wasn't working (at least not on me) so we demanded a refund telling the manager of AMC's Fiesta Village the show was more like "Jaws Negative 3-D" -- there was a scene near the very beginning in which Sean Brody (played by 21-year-old John Putch) gets seduced by Kelly Ann (film newcomer Lea Thompson) on a lagoon beach at SeaWorld.
After getting discovered by Sean's older brother Mike (played by an equally dreamy Dennis Quaid) and Mike's girlfriend (played by Bess Armstrong, who delivers one of the most cringe-inducing lines in movie history over a bullhorn: "You turkeys got any ID?"), Sean and Kelly Ann emerge from the water dripping wet, at which point we are treated to the strapping young buck's tight body in nothing but a pair of skimpy blacks briefs. For years afterward, this image replayed in my head, over and over (there was something about seeing something that I was "supposed to" that made me crazy). Nearly 30 years later, the image popped into my head again last week so I Netflixed this film over the weekend. Perhaps not surprisingly, it didn't quite have the same "effect" on me as it did when I was 16. (The testosterone racing through my body isn't what it once was, after all. The same thing happens to me now when I watch "Dirty Dancing" and say to myself, "WHAT was I thinking?!") Still, John Putch is as cute as ever (this was way before the Internet, so after seeing this object of my affection on-screen, I don't think I ever learned his name and don't recall ever seeing him again; I was tickled to learn just now that he is Jean "Edith Bunker" Stapleton's son). Once again, I only made it through the first 30 minutes of the film. But it still made me smile to revisit my ultimate teen lust moment. I'd love to hear from you in the comments section who starred in your earliest sexual fantasies. If and when I finally get my hands on those Avon catalogs from 1981 that featured two hunky male models in the Wild Country cologne section, I will have an addendum to this post that I'm convinced is as hot as I remember it to be ...
Back in 1987, I made my motion picture debut in was an extra in “Campus Man,” a comedy filmed largely on the campus of Arizona State Univer...
Fake Jan Alert
My blog is featured in Susan Olsen's tell-all about the ill-fated "Brady Bunch Variety Hour"!
Little Kenny
Growing up in Madison Heights, Mich.
Back to the Old House
The Web leads to an unexpected return to a house I grew up in.
Oceans 11
Carlsbad, Calif. (2008)
1983
Go Behind the Music of my high-school band, A La Plage
A Death in the Family
Little Larry left us too soon.
Once I Had a Love
With Debbie Harry
'Jungle' Fever
With Robert Buckley
Roger & Me
With Roger Federer
Step Brother McMullen
With Ed Burns
Headline News
With Thomas Roberts
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