State of Play

This "states I've been to interactive map" is fun, especially because you don't need to sign up or give them an email address. 

My paltry percentage complete (66%) reminds me I'm more of an international traveler (lol) -- and my disdain for family car trips might explain how I managed to "grow up" in Arizona yet never set foot in Utah, Colorado or New Mexico (I think everyone else has been to all three!).

Surprised to remember that I've lived in six different states -- well, five plus the District of Columbia. 

I forgot to click the "want to go" options, but they'd probably only be Oregon and Wyoming (to visit my sister-in-law) plus rounding out New England -- unless I decided to do 'em all. (I also wouldn't mind seeing Mary Tyler Moore's house and the statue!) My family was set to go on an Alaskan cruise before the plan unraveled, but I'd be game if the idea resurfaced at some point.

Give me your body (of land) count in the comments.

Clearing the Shelves, Closing the Backlog and Turning the Page

Hello, page slaves! 

So much to discuss since my last book report. 

First off, I can now say that I have (essentially) read every book in my collection -- something that seemed improbable less than a year ago, when finishing them all became something of an obsession. (I always think it's a puerile question when someone sees a big collection of books and asks, "Have you read all of these?" But yes, I have!)

As a result -- and with my modest apartment's bookshelves completely full -- I think my book-buying days are effectively behind me, perhaps to the detriment of the publishing industry.

Moving forward -- and with thanks to the New York Public Library -- I've been getting nearly all of my titles as e-books and audiobooks, which I lay out below. I've also erased the two titles from my DNF column -- aka did not finish.

Here we go: 

"The Mysteries of Pittsburgh" by Michael Chabon

As mentioned, I bought this debut novel by the Pulitzer-winning author when it came out to much fanfare in 1988, intrigued by its promise of bisexuality. It quickly became the one and only book I started but DNF, largely because of the mob angle that turned me off. But as I set out to clear my bookshelves, I decided to give it another chance and, sure enough, it wasn't bad. The story follows a recent college graduate whose sexual awakening and complicated relationships with a young woman and a gay man unfold against the backdrop of his father's ties to organized crime, which remained my least favorite angle. (I followed it with the much-maligned film adaptation, which combines two of the main characters into one, but didn't get nearly as worked up about the change as hardcore fans did -- perhaps a reflection of my muted reaction to the novel.)

"Two Boys Kissing" by David Levithan

My literary agent raved about this when it came out in 2013 -- so I purchased it. only for it to gather dust -- and now I can confirm he was 100% right! (How clever to have the lost voices witness this decidedly Gen Z moment.)

"A Long Way, Baby: Behind the Scenes in Women's Pro Tennis" by Grace Lichtenstein 

This one's been on my shelves since I was 10 years old, an early purchase by my brother Bill when our family became obsessed with tennis. While I realize it wasn't exactly a best-seller, I was shocked to see that the whole Billie Jean King-Marilyn Barnett affair -- which wouldn't be "exposed" until a galimony suit in 1981 -- was laid out in black and white in the book's pages. Has anyone else ever mentioned this besides me (right now)?

"Dangerous When Wet: A Memoir of Booze, Sex and My Mother" by Jamie Brickhouse

I met Jamie at Don Weise's memorial earlier this year and his hilarious personality set the stage for finally reading my review copy -- turns out I have two! -- of his 2015 memoir, which was equally delightful.

"Spoiler Alert: The Hero Dies" by Michael Ausiello

I've already mentioned that I had to put this down because the cancer ordeal was a little too close to home when I first tried to read it, but I'm so glad I went back. Gay love stories matter, and what a beautiful one to have on the record, anal warts and all.

And we enter the "I'm allowed to read new books because I don't have a backlog hanging over me" era BELOW.

Here Comes the Mirror Man

In a new interview with Super Flattering, photographer Elay Neal Moses touches on something I spent much of my 20s and 30s grappling with: When I would meet a guy I found attractive, I was often confused -- did I want to be with him or did I want to be him? 

As a gay man, the line between desire and aspiration could be confusing, especially when I was younger and still figuring out who I was. (I suppose the one advantage of being a breeder is not having to deal with this issue!) 

Moses, who came of age in the internet era, describes having similar feelings while looking at male models on Tumblr: "As a gay man, there's an extra question: do I want to be like him, or do I want him? The line between the two can be pretty blurred." 

Of course, the answer could be both -- think boyfriend twins. But it's a fascinating little insight into the way gay men can experience attraction, admiration and insecurity all at once -- and one I wish I'd heard someone articulate decades ago.

Elsewhere in the interview, Moses touches on another aspect of this phenomenon: how we can adore qualities in other men that we're unable to appreciate in ourselves.

"I've always been drawn to imperfection," he says, before wondering why it's so easy to embrace those qualities in others but so difficult to accept them in himself. (I, myself, am famous for loving a guy with a paunch -- so sexy -- yet hate myself for not having a six pack.) 

I was also struck by Moses's thoughts on aging and the idea that growing older is a privilege. It's something I've become increasingly aware of, especially since losing my big brother, who I'm now four years older than when he died. His cancer ordeal really drove home how lucky the rest of us are to still be here. 

Of course, knowing that intellectually and actually feeling it when you're bombarded with Instahunks 24 hours a day -- that Mark Zuckerberg is on to me -- are two different things. (Why I would be measuring myself against someone young enough to be my grandson in the first place is anyone's guess, although Peter Pan Syndrome is undoubtedly at play)

Maybe the key is learning to appreciate what you have instead of constantly comparing yourself to others, judging yourself against who you used to be or dwelling on who you never were -- as painful as that last one can be.

Read HERE.

Rewind

Forgive me, but I've been sick to my stomach since attempting to pick just 9 albums "that made me" -- despite knowing that nobody but me cares what I posted. 

Then I saw that my friend Greg cheated figured out a workaround by breaking his lists into decades, so I couldn’t resist a rewind.

Even then, I couldn't narrow my 1980s heyday down to 9 -- but just let me get this out so I can rest peacefully! (And they're not exactly ranked, just how I uploaded them.) 

1990s ☝

With apologies to Prefab Sprout, X and Aztec Camera

1980s ☝

1980s synth ☝

1970s ☝

1960s ☝

(Make note that I opted for "Revolver" over my beloved "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Heart Club Band," which I suppose cannot be blamed on "the original artist"!

UPDATE:

(Full disclosure: I have been obsessed with making lists since I was a child, so a website that generates them is a recipe for OCD.)

#My9Albums

 

The instructions say: "Pick the 9 albums that made you. Search more than two million albums, put your nine in order, and share the poster," and so I did. Obviously, it's impossible to narrow it down to nine -- the first five Blondie albums all deserve to be on here -- and it was only after I'd finished that I realized I'd completely forgotten about "Beauty and the Beat" by the Go-Go's, although I don't see where I'd swap it in. But like most time-wasting social-media trends, it's fun. Tell me yours in the comments -- or make and share your own HERE.

UPDATE: I couldn't control myself and had to do this all over again!

Remains of the Day (10/02)

The Cut: Jason Lewis, Eric Nies, Ian Somerhalder, Tom Welling and others remember the wild, sexy and decidedly pre-Instagram world of 1990s modeling

QulturVultur: Out actor Andrew Bonomolo says he was fired from a professional theater production after the company learned of his past as adult performer Troye Jacobs, and he isn't going quietly

KIT212: Adorable college basketball coach engaged to his adorable boyfriend and fellow coach

BF: Brian Ferrari looks back on a magical summer performing under the stars in Medora, North Dakota, in a poignant poem dedicated to his late dance partner, Jennifer Kay, who died suddenly this summer

Saturday 'Stache: Beach wood

DNA: Nik Ball by Jade Young Part II

The 74: The Education Department has formally scrapped Biden-era Title IX protections for LGBTQ students, with a new rule defining sex strictly as male or female expected next

PinkNews: Tom Ford’s Spring 2027 collection declares skimpy briefs are so in

Out: Joey Pollari is the newest hunky star of "American Horror Story: 13"

Washington Blade: House Democrats urge White House to confront Turkish government over anti-LGBTQ crackdown

NYP: Therapist who ran NYC gay men's group busted for sexually assaulting two "vulnerable" patients

Advocate: Transgender and intersex Kansans are challenging a sweeping new law that voided some 1,700 driver's licenses and requires gender markers to reflect sex assigned at birth

Instinct: Meet Ashton Summers, the gay porn star whose viral thrust has racked up more than 30 million views and inspired countless imitations

The Trevor Project: The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline has restored its “Press 3” specialized services for LGBTQ youth, more than a year after the federal government eliminated them

Speedo Sunday: Animal attraction

Dumb Bitch Hot Cat of the Day: Get a new boyfriend -- I speak from experience

Happy Birthday: Julie Andrews is 91 ... and Greg Brady is 72!

Eugene O'Neill Goes to Equinox: Toxic masculinity, no matter how artful, isn't really my cup of tea. But major props to Jon Beavers (as Yank), Harrison Tipping and the rest of the cast for bringing depth and humanity to the Irish Repertory Theatre's production of "The Hairy Ape," a bleak portrait of a man whose strength is useless against a world that he is convinced sees him as "less than." Tickets HERE.

Barney Greengrass: Now who's the sturgeon king? 

Best in Show?

"Best" lists by nature stir up controversy: all art is subjective, of course, so nothing is "better" than anything else -- except "Girls" is worse than everything.

But since everyone's having a conniption about this New York Times list of the 100 Best TV Shows of the 21 Century -- the reason media outlets print them to begin with -- I figured I would look to see how many shows I'd actually heard of. 

It's about the 21st century, after all -- no "Mary Tyler Moore,” no “All in the Family” no “Bob Newhart Show" -- and here's what I found:

I've never seen a single episode of "Breaking Bad" (1), "The Wire" (2), "Succession" (4) or "Game of Thrones" (6), and have never heard of "Atlanta" (10).

 

I briefly tried to watch:

7. "Veep": Selina Meyer sticks her foot in her mouth/does something inappropriate and wackiness ensues. (Yawn.) I've heard it gets way better, but I didn't have the patience -- perhaps because I have never gotten over Julia Louis-Dreyfus's winning the Emmy over Lisa Kudrow in "The Comeback" ... for "The New Adventures of Old Christine." (lol)

8. "30 Rock": On paper, this should be my favorite show of the century, given the MTM embedded in my DNA. But Tina Fey is horribly miscast (as herself), and I find the rapid-fire dialogue of things no two people in the history of the world have ever said to each other intolerable. (I feel like it ruined a generation of TV writers, who have been trying to emulate it ever since.) A smart friend also mentioned that the show "hasn't aged well," so that's another strike against it. (Also not a big fan of incessant pop culture references, Tracy Morgan or fat Alec Baldwin.)

34. "Schitt's Creek": I remember when this was one of three streaming-only shows and it was kind of what people watched only because there was nothing else left. Then it suddenly became "the" show -- but again, I tried and found it to be a low-rent "Arrested Development" knockoff. Like "Veep," however, I heard it got better, but similarly I didn't have the patience. (You shouldn't have to work that hard to be entertained.)

Have never seen a single episode of any of these:

31. "Survivor"  

53. "Stranger Things"  

54. "Downton Abbey"  

61. "RuPaul's Drag Race"  

77. "Modern Family"  

99. "Gilmore Girls"

Here's what I do know:

3. "Mad Men": Brilliant, and I want to get Damian to watch it now.

5. "Fleabag": Sublime, but I do find it a little apples and oranges to compare, say, shows with 200 episodes with ones that have ... 12.

10. "Curb Your Enthusiasm": Recently rewatched and somehow it was even better than the first time.

11. "The Office" (U.S.): Very funny, and I finally watched the post-Carell seasons and those too were great.

12. "Arrested Development": Hilarious. Never got into any of the reboot attempts, but who knows?

13. "Girls": Intolerable, and I dreaded (yet religiously watched?) every second of it.

14. "Friday Night Lights": God, I loved this. Due for a rewatch -- still trying to make the whole "It isn't actually about football, it's about the people" case for Damian.

15. "Six Feet Under": Had a rewatch in recent years to introduce Damian and I still can't believe how much I love it.

16. "The Office" (U.K.): Wonderfully uncomfortable.

21. "The White Lotus": Have loved every season so far!

23. "The Comeback": My feelings about this are widely known!

26. "Black Mirror": Damian picks episodes he thinks I will like -- I'm not a big science-fiction guy -- and each one has blown me away!

33. "Enlightened": Only recently discovered it, and it might be Top 5 for me! "YES, Amy. It was the speech."

40. "Adolescence": I was completely engrossed but ultimately didn't give it a second thought when it ended.

41. "Louie": Groundbreaking.

42. "Hacks": Was always surprised by just how good it was.

46. "Broad City": Started with a bang, but boy did it end with a whimper or two.

50. "Parks and Recreation": This could be the prototype for my eventually liking "Veep" and "Schitt's Creek": I watched the first couple episodes, and it was frankly embarrassing seeing Amy Poehler do this feeble Michael Scott impersonation, which didn't even make sense since her character was actually Tracy Flick, not incompetent. But obviously the creators knew something had to be fixed, so while all the cool kids knew how good the show had quickly become, I ignored it for a decade-plus. In the end, we watched it and loved it!

55. "Insecure": Thoroughly enjoyed it even if I could only understand a portion of what was being said(!).

59. "PEN15": One of the cleverest shows ever -- cut short by Covid.

67. "The Handmaid's Tale": I enjoyed the first season, but there was no way I was going to suffer through that abuse with new stuff that wasn't even from the book. We're already living in fascist times -- why put yourself through more as "entertainment"?

76. "Somebody Somewhere": Proof that these lists are dumb -- this should be WAY HIGHER.

78. "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia": It's been on since 2005 -- 18 seasons! -- and is still better than everything else on TV. I'd probably put this at No. 1, and I only discovered it last year.

82. "Better Things": Started with a bang, but then Pamela Adlon started to buy her own hype and things went off the rails to the point that I stopped watching. Maybe one day I will try to pick up where I left off.

88. "Dexter": I enjoyed this for a season or two but then felt it had made its point.

89. "Baby Reindeer": Uncomfortable TV at its darkest.

91. "Catastrophe": I LOVED this show and have been following Sharon Horgan’s work (and looking at photos of Rob Delaney) ever since.

I haven’t given this much thought, but off the top of my head I would add to the list “American Dad,” “Episodes,” “Derry Girls," “Friends From College” and “Rules of Engagement,” the funniest network sitcom I’ve come across in ages. (“The Conners” is a winner too, if a show whose roots were from 1988 is allowed.) Also a big fan of the Aussie shows "Colin From Accounts" and "Fisk" and the Spanish-language "Envious" and "Alpha Males" and France's "Dix Pour Cent" 

Tell me how wrong I am about everything in the comments!

I Can See for Isles and Isles

You've probably noticed that I'm back from my (perfect) trip across the pond that saw -- and heard -- the music of my youth transport me back in time.

With the Hotel du Vin in Bristol as our home base (the clawfoot tub made it almost hard for me to leave the room!), we kicked things off with Saint Etienne -- a band I discovered on KROQ while driving on Wilshire Boulevard in my convertible Volkswagen as a 20something trying to find his way in the world -- on their Farewell Tour.

Keep reading BELOW.

See You Later

 

About to head to the airport. Saint Etienne and Altered Images did not disappoint, which is to say nothing of their homeland about which I have plenty to say in the days ahead!

Carefree in Caerphilly 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿

Another fantastic day in the U.K., this time touring Caerphilly Castle -- a sprawling medieval stronghold famed for its vast moat and leaning tower. Tomorrow we’ll visit another celebrated citadel (in Chepstow) -- I’m married to a kastle kween, whereas I pretended my Fisher-Price fortress was my play village’s local theme restaurant -- before heading to Exeter for the Altered Images concert of my (childhood) dreams. 

Fun fact: Following her band’s breakup, singer Clare Grogan attracted what she later called a “crazy bidding war” and signed with London Records. 

She then recorded the solo album “Trash Mad” in New York with former Altered Images bandmate (and later husband) Stephen Lironi. 

The album was produced by Mark Kamins, best known for producing Madonna’s debut single, “Everybody.” But when its lead single, “Love Bomb” (b/w “I Love the Way You Beg”), failed to chart in 1987, London Records canceled the planned follow-up, “Strawberry,” and shelved the LP.  Another album track produced by Kamins, “Reason Is the Slave,” eventually surfaced on London Records’ 1987 various-artists compilation “Giant,” but that was it.

Although Kamins had an impressive résumé -- as an A&R man for Island Records, he signed the wonderful Waitresses and Was (Not Was), and as a remixer put his stamp on records by David Byrne, Bow Wow Wow and KajaGooGoo -- looking back I’m not entirely convinced he was up to the Grogan task.

(She wouldn’t release another album until Altered Images’ “Mascara Streakz” in 2022, which I can’t get enough of.)

The intriguing part is that even Grogan does not currently seem to know where a usable master of “Trash Mad” is. In 2024, she mentioned searching her attic for the album’s digital audio tape (DAT). In a 2025 interview, she said the album definitely exists and that she owns – or once owned – a copy, but thinks it may be at somebody else’s house. She jokingly added: “It couldn’t have been that bad.”  

If anyone has a bootleg, please contact me!

Greetings From Swansea

Had the best time at last night’s Saint Etienne concert in Bristol -- even met another New Yorker who traveled across the pond just to see it -- and then followed it up with 20,000 steps around South Wales today. 

I’m not confident this post-via-email function works, so will leave you with this sunset photo from Bracelet Bay for now!

Pop Pilgrimage

Hey, guys! Expect blogging to be lighter than usual the rest of the week as Damian and I travel across the pond for not one but two concerts that aren't slated to make it stateside. First up, we're catching my beloved Saint Etienne on what's being billed as their final tour. (If you haven't heard the goodbye album, "International," give it a listen. First Tennis and now this? Not sure why all my female-fronted indie dance bands are calling it quits so young.) 

From there we're planning to visit Stonehenge and explore Wales, home of the Darling Buds, who sadly just finished a reunion tour. (Is this a good time to mention that I was working at an unnamed newswire service in 1997 when an editor accidentally "replaced all" his way to a "Diana, Princess of Whales Dies in Auto Accident" flash?!)

We're closing out the whirlwind visit by seeing Altered Images perform their debut album, "Happy Birthday," in its entirety to mark its 45th(!) anniversary. I remember my brother Bill bringing the album home from the University of Arizona and being instantly obsessed. (I'd spend hours watching MTV, praying "I Could Be Happy" would come on -- my favorite video of theirs.) Clare Grogan and her band, of course, have never played anywhere in the U.S. near my Michizona childhood, so this has literally been a lifetime in the making.

As big a superfan as I can be, this outing is a bit out of character. But as our idols exit the stage one by one, I decided to capitalize on the moment before they too join the list of "Dead Pop Stars."

This outing started as a birthday trip for my hubby to Edinburgh and Belfast, but work commitments forced us to move it up a bit, so we're running with it. Have a great week, and I will be posting a lot on Instagram before updating things here. xo

The True Story of the Original Beefcake Calendar

Back in 1987, I made my motion picture debut in was an extra in “Campus Man,” a comedy filmed largely on the campus of Arizona State University while I was a student there. I’ve written about the experience before -- I spent about 10 hours filming a pool scene that went until roughly 4 in the morning, only to discover that I’m not actually visible in the finished movie.

What I didn’t fully appreciate at the time was just how closely the film was connected to a real bit of ASU history.

I knew “Campus Man” was inspired by an actual all-male pinup calendar, which I later learned was created by ASU student Todd Headlee and five friends in 1980. Each chipped in $1,000 to produce the first edition, the 1981 “Men of ASU,” featuring 12 male ASU students.

And apparently they knew their market. A 1982 Time magazine article described Arizona State as a “Sunbelt country club,” where modeling agents regularly scouted the abundance of good-looking students. (I can vouch for the abundance.) The first 5,000 copies of “Men of ASU” quickly sold out.

What I didn't know is that the venture also produced some unexpected complications. In 1981, ASU football player Scott Lewis, who had appeared in the calendar and subsequently took professional modeling jobs, was declared ineligible after his modeling work was found to conflict with NCAA rules, causing him to lose his scholarship. 

According to the State Press, the campus newspaper I later reported for, Lewis said the athletic department had initially told him his modeling would not jeopardize his eligibility.

Scott Lewis lost his football scholarship but gained a modeling career.

That real-life episode became the inspiration for “Campus Man.” In the film, the calendar leads to an opportunity that jeopardizes the amateur standing of its star model, champion diver Brett Wilson, echoing what had happened to Lewis.

Meanwhile, Headlee -- himself Mr. April in the first calendar -- bought out his original partners, borrowed money and spent $5,200 on an ad in Playgirl for the 1982 edition. The gamble paid off, generating some 10,000 orders from around the world. After graduating, he loaded calendars into his van and hawked them at colleges in 19 states, eventually selling 27,000 copies at $4.95 apiece.

As the calendar's popularity grew, so did its scope. What began as “Men of ASU” evolved into “Campus Men USA,” with models recruited beyond Arizona State and the calendar marketed to a national audience. By the 1983 edition, it was no longer simply a collection of ASU students, but a broader assortment of college-age models from around the country.

A few years later, Headlee's entrepreneurial story made its way to Hollywood. “Campus Man” fictionalized the circumstances, with John Dye (RIP) playing Todd Barrett, a business student who needs $10,000 to stay in school and comes up with the idea of producing a beefcake calendar featuring male athletes to raise the money. (Ironically, I vividly remember my mom’s leaving a check for $850 on the counter for my tuition one semester, so I’m surprised he even needed to be so ingenuitive!)

Steve Lyon plays his reluctant star model, diver Brett Wilson, with Kim Delaney, Kathleen Wilhoite, Miles O'Keeffe (whose turn as Tarzan in 1981 didn't exactly encourage me to be straight) and Morgan Fairchild rounding out the cast.

Lights, camera, action: The Mona Plummer Aquatic Complex. Let me know if you see me!

This scene where the boys meet Morgan Fairchild as the editor of Image magazine was filmed at the Embassy Suites on South Rural Road in Tempe, which I thought was the height of glamour back in the day! 

Steve Lyon stole the film as diver Brett Wilson

Which brings me to the reason for this post: After years of wondering about the calendars at the heart of this tale -- quaint as it all seems by today's OnlyFans standards -- I recently came across the complete 1983 “Campus Men USA” edition, along with the cover photo from 1982. 

See them all -- the real calendar men behind the movie I spent one very long night trying to be in -- plus an interview with its then-straight(!) creator BELOW.

Wish You Were Here

 

I recently posted that Aug. 29 should have been our friend David Charlebois's 64th birthday, had he not been the first officer on American Airlines Flight 77 on 9/11.

Twenty-five years seems hard to believe, until you think about all the ways the world has changed in that time. The one thing that remains consistent, however, is this: We miss him.  

🙏

Learn more about David and the other gay heroes of that dark day HERE.

Queens for a Day

Just home from nearly 12 hours of rain-soaked action at the U.S. Open. I'll post more when I have time to go through my photos, but for now it's time to dry out!

 

Love All

 

Although we're still planning our annual all-day pilgrimage to the Billie Jean King National Tennis Center on Tuesday, my guy and I decided to splurge on (the best I've ever had) tickets for last night's mixed doubles extravaganza. 

While the new exhibitionistic format has been ripped to shreds, we ended up having a blast. 

First up was Gael Monfils and Elina Svitolina against Fabio Cobolli and Belinda Bencic, who I guess have played together before in Indian Wells. It was a thriller, but the French-Ukrainian duo ended up losing in a match tiebreak, derailing their chances of becoming what I would imagine would be the first married couple to win a major in the Open era.

That was followed by Jakub Mensik and Karolina Muchova against Andrey Rublev and Mirra Andreeva, which was another nailbiter with both teams have match point before the Czech duo prevailed.

In the final, which was played moments later, Mensik and Muchova overcame some erratic play to topple the Italian-Swiss duo, 6-3, 1-6, [10-6] in the only match that featured traditional sets, but still a match tiebreak. 

It was great to see gay tennis icon and current USTA president Brian Vahaly on hand to hand out the trophies, where Muchova joked that in the end it was her team's "matching outfits" that made the difference!

And even better, was getting to celebrate my three-year wedding anniversary with this sweet man, whom I would not have met without the sport we both love! xo