Afternoon Headlines

Guns for Hire: Apparently no one was more surprised by the way he looked on the new Men's Fitness that I blogged about early last week than Andy Roddick himself: "I spent the last few weeks in Austin really focused on my training and getting back into shape, but pretty sure I'm not as fit as the Men's Fitness cover suggests; little did I know I have 22 inch guns and a disappearing birth mark on my right arm. I saw the cover for the first time when I landed after Rome, it was pretty funny. I walked by the newsstand in the airport and did a total double take. I can barely figure out how to work the red-eye tool on my digital camera; whoever did this has mad skills; maybe Rafael Nadal wants his arms back? if you can manage to stop laughing at the cover long enough, check out the article inside, the photo shoot on the boat was pretty cool and I recognize the person in those photos." (Like there was something wrong with his real body???) (AR.com)

Kiddie Porn: A 31-year-old man was sentenced Monday to more than 24 years in federal prison for posing online as a teenage boy dying of leukemia in an effort to coerce young girls into sending him sexually explicit images. Joshua Kistler chatted regularly with at least nine girls nationwide who ranged in age from 12 to 14. He used the condition to gain the girls' sympathy. I am so jealous that he could still pass for a teenager at his age. I wonder what his secret is. (AP)

Chihuahua on the Rocks: "American Idol" judge Paula Adbul reportedly broke her nose over the weekend in a "dog mishap." If by dog mishap you mean walking around in public trashed out of your mind and then tripping over a dog, then yes, she broke her nose in a dog mishap. (AP)

Station Break: XM Satellite Radio learns Rule No. 1: don't charge people for something they can get for free and then not even deliver it. (AP)

Phillips Gets Stoned: "Dateline NBC" mannequin Stone Phillips is being dropped by NBC as part of a cost-cutting move. It's a sad day in televisoin news when being unnaturally beautiful isn't even enough to ensure job security. (AP)