My Funny Valentines

It's been a difficult one. Woke up to the news that a beloved college professor had died, which at 91 wouldn't have been surprising in and of itself. But in reading a tribute to her I learned that her husband and her daughter (Karin) -- to whom I was very close back in college -- had both "preceded her in death." 

I was stunned. I haven't seen Karin in ages so to me she's still a 21-year-old horse-riding beauty, full of promise with her entire life ahead. Memories of the four of us laughing at their dinner table in Tempe, Ariz., came rushing back to me: Karin (who is my age), so kind and thoughtful, always up for an adventure in my convertible VW; Profs. Dad (Gene, who'd been my sociolinguistics professor) and Mom (Kristin). so welcoming, the kind of parents an aspiring pseudointellectual like me dreamed of having. I remember I was nursing a broken heart when they first adopted me, providing a sounding board and sympathetic ear that I didn't feel I could get at home.

The details of the demise of the Valentine family only made the situation more heartbreaking. It seems my friend died of breast cancer a couple years ago; Kristin and Gene had moved to assisted living but were separated because Gene had Alzheimer's and needed a higher level of care. (He died in 2022 and of course was cremated by the Neptune Society -- so Prof. Valentine of him.) I'm told Dr. V -- as we called Kristin -- was still on her own, even camping, until till this summer before moving to hospice on Monday of the week she died in August. ("She was a force," as my friend Debra put it.) 

But those who saw her regularly said she was never the same after her daughter died, a prospect I can only imagine. 

I was happy to read that my friend has a scholarship named after her -- the Karin Valentine Science Communication Award. But right now I'm aching with regret that my attempt to reach her online a number of years ago failed was thwarted by that "other" folder on Facebook -- yet another reason to dislike Mark Zuckerberg. 

RIP to the Valentine family. I'm truly heartbroken to know that you're all gone. xo