Morning Wood

Subway Spokesman Jared Fogle Sentenced to 15-1/2 Years, Blames Sex Crimes on Weight Loss

Jesus, I haven't heard an excuse this insulting to our intelligence -- and the victims -- since Dan White's "Twinkie defense." Now how many years is he gonna get for the smell of that bread?

The Daily News reports:

Disgraced former Subway spokesman Jared Fogle was sentenced to more than 15 years behind bars for collecting child porn and paying for sex with underage girls — after a psychiatrist said his Subway diet made him a sex fiend. Fogle, 38, pleaded guilty Thursday to child pornography and sex with a minor charge, as per a deal he struck with prosecutors in August. Before sentencing, forensic psychiatrist Dr. John Bradford said Fogle became hypersexual after he dropped 245 pounds on a diet of turkey and veggies subs from Subway — an extreme transformation that made him the face of the sandwich chain. “Once he lost weight, it seemed as though in a short time he had hyper-sexuality,” he said. “There are brain disorders that can be associated with sexual drive.” The onetime Subway icon fought back tears as he addressed a judge during the hearing. “For most of my adult life, I've been in the spotlight, trying to be a role model,” he said. “...I became dependent on alcohol, pornography and prostitutes.” Bradford said Fogle battled compulsive eating disorder throughout college. Once he slimmed down on Subway subs — a diet that made him the face of the sandwich chain — he developed hypersexual disorder, the doctor said. U.S. District Judge Tanya Walton Pratt accepted his plea to one count each of travelling to engage in illicit sexual conduct with a minor and distribution and receipt of child pornography. Bradford, a professor at the University of Ottawa in Canada, said Fogle told him he had sex with minors age 16 and 17 and had “a fairly extensive history” of using prostitutes. He said Fogle told him he masturbated to fantasies about prepubescent girls — but that there's no evidence he acted on them. Prosecutors wanted a 12 ½-year sentence, while Fogle's attorneys asked for just five years. Federal judges have wide discretion, and U.S. District Judge Tanya Walton Pratt elected to go beyond the prosecution's recommendation, sentencing Fogle to 15 years and 8 months behind bars. Fogle's legal team said his ruined career is its own punishment. “No one wants to be Jared Fogle. He is a laughing stock — a pariah. And he did it to himself,” a defense lawyer said, arguing for the shorter sentence. In August, Fogle confessed to collecting child pornography and paying for sex with teen prostitutes as young as 16. He agreed to plead guilty to the charges.

If this is to be believed, imagine what he'd have done if he actually ever did become height-weight proportionate.

Page 1 Roundup (08/20)

Yes, because prison rape is so hilarious.

This is the way to write a tabloid headline about this. Is it just me, though, or do people not seem that outraged/disgusted about this? Have we become desensitized to it all -- or did Jared just seem like someone who was capable of this all along? 

Underground Stars

A recent Jake Gyllenhaal sighting on the New York City subway spurred this fun Daily News slideshow:

Bradley Cooper

Sarah Jessica Parker

Andrew Garfield

Neil Patrick Harris

Taylor Kitsch

Jake Parts II and III

Spread the News

Hilarious, although I still say the now-shunned act of MANSPREADING can be hot!

As for the two different colored socks ...

William Ronan, M.T.A. Founder, Dies at 101

I hear he died waiting for the 6. (What the f**k, I will never try that again.) Read HERE.

Subway, Stop

And you thought Subway couldn't be any more revolting.

Token Disapproval

A friend just found these while cleaning his apartment. Seeing as subway tokens haven't been in use since 2003, something tells me he may be appearing on an upcoming episode of "Hoarders."

N.Y. Post: Blogs Zing Worst Riders

If you see something gross, snap something gross: straphangers chronicle subway schlubs 

 Wow. So reassuring to see that I don't have to do everything. Read HERE.

Caption Me

Tuesday Ad Watch

Did Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce come up with this binge-drinking campaign running on New York City subways? 'Cause that sure looks like Don, who we all know never says no to a refill.

'Pardon' the Interruption

Although this video is meant to be funny, I have to say that it hits awfully close to home. Sure, complaining about people begging you for money on the subway may sound like a White Person Problem. But most of us not riding around in Town Cars or taxis are just working stiffs -- working stiffs who wouldn't mind a little time to relax and read the paper or listen to music while commuting to and from work without constantly being inerrupted by people who are, in fact, breaking the law. Hit me up on the street and I don't have a problem -- I can keep walking. But something about this captive situation really pisses me off. See what I'm talking about:

Thorn in My Side

 With a guy selling these on every street corner, is this completely necessary? (Via Gothamist)