Hunks of 'House Hunters'

 

If I had a laboratory where I could create the man of my dreams -- complete with facial hair controls and get-ups -- he would probably look exactly like the brawny star of the "Lizard in Austin' episode of "House Hunters."

With their wedding fast approaching, an engaged couple looks to buy their first home in Austin, Texas. She's hoping to get a home that's turnkey, but he's mostly concerned with a place that's big enough to house his enormous collection of lizards.

Lots more photographic evidence BELOW.

Hunks of 'House Hunters'

This episode was billed as "Downtown vs. Suburbs in Kansas City." 

A young and active couple searches for their first home in Kansas City, Missouri. He's looking for a new build in the suburbs that's near his parents since they plan to start a family, but she wants an older home with character in the heart of the city.

But one look at Justin's upper body and I was willing to relocate anywhere. See HERE.

Hunks of ‘House Hunters’

Awfully nice of HGTV to air gay porn during this difficult time.

Question: 

Does someone shop at WOOF CLOTHING?

Hunks of 'House Hunters'

I don't know about you, but bewigged Liev is one of the hunkiest house hunters I've seen in awhile ...

Whoever wrote this is definitely an HGTV fan: They nailed so many of the cliches -- from his mandatory "man cave" to the split-level ranch!

As I've said forever, I'd end my decades-long hiatus from "Saturday Night" if they would eliminate the live portions ...

Hunks of 'House Hunters'

The description read: A medical helicopter pilot and his wife relocate to Columbus, Ohio, for his job. He wants a Colonial near his helicopter base and doesn't mind projects, but she prefers a quaint home with historic charm that's move-in ready.

But it should have said: A mixed-attractiveness couple relocate to Columbus, Ohio, for the hot husband's job. He wants a Colonial -- and a gym -- near his helicopter base, and if his wife is any indication, doesn't mind projects. But she prefers a quaint home with historic charm that requires as little effort as possible. 

The good news is he can transport you to the nearest hospital after you swoon ...

More Midwestern beef HERE.

Hunks of 'House Hunters'

This one was called "Seeking in Cincy," with the standard-issue disagreement what style of home and degree of fixer-upperness they wanted: "A job transfer to Cincinnati has a young couple seeking a new home. While she dreams of a Tudor-style home with steeple roofs and tons of character, he's hoping for a Craftsman that doesn't need any renovation."

Kim's a knockout while Matt's a bit of a goofball in that smarmy James Franco kind of way. 

But as the gay truism goes, it's all about the body. And I'd be more than willing to overlook his career as a toothpaste salesman(!) to feel those arms around me at night! 

More pecs 'n' 'ceps HERE.

Hunks of 'House Hunters'

This one was called "Downsizing in Stockholm":

 Annika and Mike have given up their five-bedroom home and steady jobs in order to set sail for Stockholm, Sweden, a family-friendly city where they want to raise their 3-year-old son. Family ties and attending grad school in Stockholm have made Annika accustomed to Scandinavian living, but the move is a dramatic change for Mike. He's in for a shock when it comes to the size of affordable apartments, and without jobs, the couple will have to stick to a tight budget. 

I don't remember much about the "house hunters" other than her being annoying and his not fitting in any of the places they were shown. 

What we did notice, however, was that we had never seen an episode that focused so intensely on the real-estate agent ... even going so far as to film him on his bike en route to properties. (Wonder why!) 

Come to find out we were not imagining this. Looks like the Swedish "property expert" (not real-estate agent) has unsurprisingly done some modeling -- the producers are pervier than even we knew! -- examples of which you can see HERE.

Hunks of 'House Hunters'

This one was called "Young Florida Couple Seeks Luxurious Bubble Bath," but sadly never showed the hunky hubby in rub-a-dub-dub mode.

 A young couple is hunting for a home in Gainesville, FL. One thing they can agree on is they both want a luxurious bubble bath to share, but he's focused on having enough space for archery in the backyard while she is looking for a plantation-style home. Will these love birds be able to find a home that meets their needs? 

Phil and his lady friend -- a big-breasted, bubbly Bulgarian who sounds exactly like Monica Seles -- are relocating to Gainesville so he can start his ophthalmology residency. The broad, whose named I didn't catch, said that growing up she used to see these blond-haired, blue-eyed American boys and wanted one for herself ... 

and boy did she accomplish her stated goal! (And did I mention he's a doctor?)

If I had any lingering resentment, it was quickly assuaged by her other love -- her adorable black kitty cat. 

She don't want no scrubs ...

See Dr. Love in action playing archery -- as well as in the bathtub (sadly clothed) -- HERE.

Hunks of 'House Hunters'

This one was called "Changing Course to Cork." 

Barbie Doll American Jenna and hunky Swede Thomas met in Los Angeles. 

(Apparently he needed to fly 5,500 miles to find a white blond chick.) 

But after living in L.A. and Stockholm, they're moving to Cork, Ireland, for a job opportunity.

The houses weren't that interesting. But what surprised me is that I didn't know they made Swedish men this big ...

Boat against the current 

... and beefy anymore. All the ones I see are the lithe Euro-cut types. Long live the Viking bod!

Hunks of 'House Hunters'

Billed as "Baggage in Basel, Switzerland," the only thing that weighed this episode of "House Hunters" down was that hunky surfer boy Cameron was moving someplace where clothes are more requisite than his native San Diego. 

Still, he accepted his new job in Europe knowing that wife Erica (and new mom) is dying for an adventure.

Lucky for us, the camera crew got a lot of footage of Cameron in his natural habitat. 

Click through to see more of Cameron in "daddy" mode and for a bonus hot real estate agent HERE.

Hunks of 'House Hunters'

"Adventure-loving Nik couldn't pass up a job offer in Bangalore, India, and while Misty lived with him in Europe before, India will be a drastic difference. She's determinded to find Western comforts in their new home, but Nik's concerned with living on a one-income budget." 

So was the description of Season 117, Episode 9. (Season 117!)

Turned out there wasn't much more to the story. I think he met her while he was going to college in the U.S., and she -- like any girl with two working eyes -- jumped at the chance to move to Europe with him. 

Strike a pose ...

Even their friends are telegenic ... 

And while I wish I had something snarky to say about these house hunters, even she -- despite her drag queen name -- won me over in the end.

More of his German engineering HERE.

Hunks of 'Haus Hunterz'

Lately there have been a number of episodes where the real-estate agent is the hunk -- and today's edition is no exception.

Watch as dream Gus Kenworthy scouts properties for a couple looking to live in The Middle of Nowhere, Peru ...

Hunks of 'House Hunters'

Damian and I were initially so turned off by "DJ" and his fratboy friends we almost hit delete. 

Billed as "Best Friends in Philly," the description said: 

A young buyer is on the hunt for a place in Philadelphia to share with three of his friends who will be renting from him. However, when their wish lists get in his way, it becomes clear that four is going to be a crowd. 

But when we looked past the douchey tendencies -- smoking cigars in a barbershop, excruciating white privilege and an obvious propensity to acquaintance-rape women -- we had to admit this was a Sean Cody movie in the making. 

Vasek Pospisil 2.0?

I'd like to see this guy top DJ for starters ...

Who wears short shorts?

Even the "average" one is hot

Boys today -- god bless 'em for knowing how to dress in a way that flatters their bodies ...

and for getting cute haircuts!